Hettie’s Reflections – Blog Posts

ADBIS 1996

This picture was taken at the ADBIS conference in Moscow in September 1996. I do not remember who took it and why, or when I got the print: printing pictures was not instantaneous then. It was the same strange time. I didn’t have a visa yet and was waiting for the second set of documents. I was mentally half gone, but I still didn’t tell anybody. I remember a couple of social activities, but the overall picture of that conference is pretty hazy in my memories.

It was the first time ADBIS had become an international conference, not just a gathering of Russian professors and researchers hanging out with a hadnful Western colleagues. As I had said many times, one part of me was sure I would return in two years because, despite John Roseman’s words, I could not imagine living anywhere except Saint Petersburg.

The other part of me was similarly sure I was leaving for good. All the things I could not forgive my mom for were still raw and hurting, and this other part of me was hoping never to see her again. I didn’t see any way for Boris and me to achieve any stability in our relationships, and this other part of me was thinking that I would start my life fresh, meet some other man, and live happily ever after. I think this was also Pam’s intention: she didn’t know about Boris; on paper, I was a single mother of three, and Val was divorced, and supposedly, we didn’t have anybody else to lean on.
I always have the same thoughts when yet another anniversary of my coming to America is approaching. I think about how little I knew about what the future held.

Today, I was talking to Boris on FaceTime, and at one moment, we stopped talking and just looked at each other. And I felt so strongly how lucky we are to have each other and how much our lives have changed because we have each other—not only the family/personal life but also the professional life and overall what kind of humans we have become.

It’s crazy even to think about this: I would never decide to go to America if I weren’t sure we couldn’t resolve our issues. I am thinking: if my mom and grandpa weren’t both so difficult, and if my mom could secure my grandpa’s apartment after his death, Boris and I would have a place to live. And I would never ever decide to go anywhere. And that apartment was so small and miserable that it would be a miserable life. But I wouldn’t know about it.

And even more horrifying, if we never entered these relationships… We would both live our lives and think that everything is great, and we would be different people (I can see it clearly—what kind of people we would be!).

OK, seasonal thoughts:), and one more night, I am up way later than I planned! I am leaving myself here, on September 15, 1996, and I can’t even imagine how somebody could be as ignorant as I was!

My historical posts are being published in random order. Please refer to the page Hettie’s timeline to find where exactly each post belongs and what was before and after.

About Breaking Rules

I was in the process of explaining to mom that when I go to Finland, I will have to be on strict quarantine, and I can’t go to the store or take public transportation. And she said: but nobody can tell by looking at you where you came from! I told her that I would not break the rules and that Boris wouldn’t want me.

And then I started to think… With all my not talking about Russian politics, I can’t stop myself from expressing this puzzlement. At the peak of BLM, of looting and arsons, most of my Russian friends who wanted me to explain what’s going on would end up not taking my explanations. Their idea was that any revolt, any protest against any officials, and any authorities are something negative.
That’s one side of the deal. The other is that everybody is up for breaking rules “when nobody sees it.” Breaking regulations is commonplace, it happens often, and nobody cares. Like if there is no police officer with a gun watching each and a single person.

Mom is continually asking me about different things, whether they are allowed or not. And she finds it difficult to understand the concept of “use your own judgment.” But mom is eighty-five, and using your own judgment is not something she was taught at school. And when I see the same attitude from others, I can’t understand that

Some People… Sigh…

Yesterday, I went to the haircut, and while there, we talked with my hairdresser about me going to the office, about mask-wearing, and all this nowadays small talk 🙂
And she told me about a client she had a couple of days before. All the time in her chair, he was talking trash about Nancy Pelosi and how hypocritical she is, not wearing a mask while doing a haircut… all that nor wearing a mask himself!

My hairdresser said: I told him, yes, I agree; it is very disrespectful not to wear a mask when you have a haircut. You are putting another person in danger. But, my hairdresser concluded, he didn’t get the message!

I asked her, could she refuse him a service per Governor Pritzker order? And she said: no, we can’t reject any client these days!

I feel very sorry for her because she is a person here who puts her life in danger. And I can’t wrap my head around such behavior!

My Mailbox

FOr the past two weeks, from time to time I find Morrison’s campaign materials in my mailbox. I do not know whether his campaign decided to cut on data analyst or what, but my mail looks funny together:

Two days ago, my vote by mail package arrived. I am impressed by the number of languages:)

I am still undecided though whether I wan to vote by mail or vote early.

Work And More Work

On Wednesday morning, we submitted one more book chapter. Now we are half-through by the page count, and almost half-through by chapters. If not for the work crisis, which is going on for almost three weeks now, this chapter could be enjoyable. I mean, it was, but not without drama :).

I am very tired, I do not have time for any human activities, but I know that I am doing the right things. Unfortunately, I can’t share publicly most of the work things, but I am confident that I am doing everything the right way/ I just need a second life 🙂

IKEA

It’s that time of the year when squirrels run around with their tails up, getting food supplies into their nest to help them last through the winter. That’s what I thought of myself when I went to IKEA last Saturday, the first time after it reopened. I ran out of everything and needed to replenish supplies.

Do you know that nobody except IKEA sells cookies or cracker with cardamon?!
Lave both of these teas!
New cups
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Transit News

Last Thursday, both on my way to work and back, the train conductor announced multiple times that they would start checking the tickets on Monday.

Since the beginning of the lockdown, conductors stopped checking the tickets, although in the beginning, they were still going through the trains. And then they stopped completely. Tickets were on sale, and I purchased my monthly all that time. But everybody knew that tickets were not checked.

Although it was announced multiple times on the previous days, and on the train this morning, it turned out there were plenty of people who didn’t get the message, quite literally!

As I learned later from the brief conversation with one of the attendants, today was the first day Metra staff was back on the job. I didn’t connect it in the morning when I saw that Palatine train station was finally open. I was hoping they will open soon because it was getting colder every day, and they finally did. But it was a part of one big “back to work” thing. So my hypothesis that they didn’t realize how many people are commuting.

They still didn’t have conductors walking the trains, that the idea was that they would check the tickets before boarding at after getting off the trains at Ogilvie. To make things easier:), they closed a couple of exits.

And so that’s how it looked! As I said, many people didn’t get the message, so they stood at the bottom of the stairs trying either to find their ticket on the app or to buy it.

Hello, six feet apart!

In the morning, I was hoping that they won’t do it again tomorrow. In reality, nobody was checking at the platform when I was boarding the train back. We’ll see what will happen tomorrow morning 🙂

Phone Scam

It is incredibly embarrassing to share, but I am going to share so that other people know.
Today I lost two hours of my life and a small sum of money to very skillful scammers.

Here is how it worked. They called with an automated message, which I was about to ignore, but then I listened, and it was a request to approve (or disapprove) a large purchase on Amazon. I listened twice and then pressed 1 to say, “I do not approve.” Then the call was redirected to a human, and it was all like – yes, please confirm you didn’t want to purchase this iPhone, what other purchases did you make today which you can recognize. Then all this normal stuff, like do you share your account with anybody, then it started to be suspicious. They asked to verify the email, but when I did, and they said they would send a verification code, it turned out that they misspelled it. I got it on the second time only. It took me some more time to realize that they were not Amazon, but the way they talked and asked me to do one small thing at a time, it all looked normal. Only when I realized that I already gave them more information than they could possibly need, and when they asked to start screen sharing, I hang up on them.

I immediately changed my amazon password, my amazon email, and enabled two-step verification. And then I called actual amazon and notified them about what just happened. One important thing they told me that they would never call anybody unless the call was pre-arranged, i.e., if I requested the call. The money lost was for “account confirmation. purchase,” which was one before the last step for me to realize what was going on. And again, they were so-so-so “step-by-step, that it was easy to lose track of the sequence of actions

Good thing that no credit card information was accessed and that I reacted fast. However, I could figure it out earlier!

Time is the only non-replenishable resource, and the lost time is what I regret the most.

Apple Cake (As a Result Of a Stressful Week)

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The last two weeks were… I do not even know how to describe them, “Lots of work” is not enough, and I can’t go into the details. It was a lot, and I had to manage all my previous obligations and the book schedule. The current chapter, which is due tomorrow, was indeed not as difficult as the previous two. It helped that we decided to move the last section of the previous chapter to the current one, so it was less writing after all, but still., writing is writing. 

As usual, my usual stress-relieving activity is baking. I bookmarked this recipe a while ago. I love apple desserts, and this one sounded very promising.  I made only one substitution. Since I do not like coconut, I substituted in with a cup of thinly sliced almonds, which I crushed to make them almost dissolvable.

On Saturday, it was dark, and raining, and windy for the whole day. This recipe is easy to make, but it takes a long time to bake, and then to let it sit, absorbing the sauce. The recipe calls for 1.5 hours baking, but it took almost 2 hours for me. That being said, it was a perfect activity for a bad weather autumn day. I was doing my writing, occasionally getting up and checking on the cake in the oven. 

It came out great! Gave some to mom, some to my neighbor – they loved it! The only thing I would change – next time, I will put a little bit less sugar in the batter, and possibly less sauce. I think half of the sauce would do. So – a little bit less of fats and sugars. But just a little bit 🙂 🙂 🙂

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End of Summer 1996

There were more pictures that summer that during the previous three years :). Still by nowadays standards, very little, but I am glad to have what I have.

Judging by the weather, it should be the end of August, but when I am looking at these pictures, I keep thinking that it should be after our visas were granted. They were granted in September, and we left Saint-Petersburg on October 21. So it should be after my first visit to the consulate, when I was asked to provide more supporting documents. I described these last months here. Maybe, by that time I was already more certain that we are leaving.

Boris brought his camera, and we walked a little bit away from our apartment building in Saint-Petersburg. Same as in the previous post, lots of almost identical pictures, but I can’t decide 🙂

I like these pictures :). Still, five years into new economy, we all are dressed into humanitarian aid second-hand clothes; only sandals and socks are from the stores. And yes, socks with sandals are must, even for adults 🙂

The girl on the right got into the picture accidentally
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