Tag: family

***

Yesterday, I stopped by my mom’s to tell you about my second cousin’s death. I sort of expected the reaction that followed, but still, given how she always tells us how nervous she gets when she doesn’t hear from someone and how we should keep her informed, it’s a bit inconsistent.

She made sure she understood me correctly, asking me to repeat who died. I told her that yes, David Raskin had passed away, and we were not informed. She said: Well, Alla (his widow) could have sent me an email! I told her that Alla was found unconscious on the floor and was taken to a hospital, to a cardio clinic, and she didn’t even ask how Alla was. Neither did she ask when exactly David passed away, nor what the cause of death was. She was just very sad, he was the last relative, but oh well, what happened can’t be changed. Now, can you look at this message on my phone?

The situation in Russia is pretty hopeless because there are people whose only goal is to find out how each situation could benefit them, and they do not care about other people, other people’s feelings, preserving memories, or pretty much anything except their own gains. The only thing I was able to negotiate was “putting aside papers that look old.” I will try to put together a list of things that I want to keep, if possible, but I have no idea whether I will be able to take anything away.

Sunday

There was one more CSO concert on Sunday, the one where I took my mom. I used to purchase a separate matinee subscription for her, but I know that no matter what she says, it is becoming difficult for her to attend the events often. Besides, to be completely honest, going with her is not more entertainment for me, but a difficult job.

She used to enjoy the music, but now she always says that she was looking at the musician’s hands rather than listening, and I feel a little bit resentful spending money on the tickets when she is not really engaging in the show. That would be OK, as long as she’s saying she enjoys time with me, but also, she keeps saying unpleasant things about everyone: a conductor, musicians, patrons, and staff. She recognizes many musicians, and she has some opinions on their character, which I have no idea how she got. Most frequently it’s “he always thinks too high of himself, he likes to show off: look at me, I am so great!” I think that most likely it’s because when she sees people on the stage smiling, she does not understand why 🤷🏻‍♀️. She also comments on everyone clothing, body sizes, hairstyles, etc, and always asks “what is the nationality of this artist,” and get upset when I tell her I have no idea.

The concert was very good, and I hoped that the program which contained several smaller pieces will be better for her to stay focused. Unfortunatley, the seats I got where on the side, rather than in the center, so she had trouble capturing the sound, and also she could not see the musicians hands, so she didn’t like it that much. She could see the conductor, which partially compensated for the rest 🙂 .

Nadia And Kira In Chicago

On Friday, I left work earlier to take a train to Milwaukee to pick up Nadia and Kira. I planned to work on the train and at Anna’s house so that I wouldn’t miss more work, but when I walked out of the office and looked at my phone, I saw the email notifying me about the death of my second cousin, and then I had to make calls, send emails, and just process what had happened. And then I had to switch gears completely and be present for the girls.

It was a very good visit. I am glad that I left early and we could take Borealis back; this way, the girls were not super tired when we arrived home, and there were no unnecessary fights.

We had ice cream before bed, breakfast sandwiches in the morning, and then went to the CSO for Kids concert. This time, it was “The Bremen Town Musicians.” I hope that they record these kids’ shows, where the 45 minutes are packed with classical pieces in an amazingly dense manner. The music from the recording below is played in the beginning of each concert, and after a couple of repetitions, the kids know it by heart.

Anna arrived and met us after the concert. We went to Lea Cafe for lunch (I am so glad everyone likes it the way I do!).

Then we headed back to Rogers Park. The girls and I went straight to the beach, and Anna went to my mom’s house, and then they met us there.

Going to the beach playground was a great idea! The girls took all the sand toys from my house and built sand castles.

Being by the lake felt so good, and it felt like summer would actually happen (you might start to doubt the latter one!). Nadia went close to the water almost immediately and stayed there looking at the horizon. Then both of the girls took their boots off and said that they wanted to feel the sand with their feet. It was far from being warm on Saturday, and I could not imagine how one could feel “good” being barefoot in this weather, but they apparently enjoyed it!

That was the highligh of my weekend, the rest was my endless community work and coming to terms with a loss.

***

My second cousin, my only relative who was still in Russia and with whom I communicated on a regular basis, passed away.

I was not notified until the day he was cremated, but it is what it is, and I can’t change it. But besides that, this whole situation is one big horror story. I do not have the mental energy to talk about details, but I will post more soon. It’s just something that appeared out of nowhere and altered my trajectory, and even though I already learned that there is nothing I can do (interfere in the current situation, where I have tons of concerns), I am still having a hard time accepting “nothing I can do.”

Good Friday In Milwaukee

We colored two dozen eggs, ate tons of Finnish and Estonian chocolate, and Anna and I spent more than three hours talking non-stop (and found an amazing coffee place!)

Vlad In Chicago

Vlad made a surprise visit to Chicago, and immediately, Illinois and all neighboring states knew! My weekend ended up being completely upside down, but it also presented an opportunity to take a picture with all my children, which hadn’t happened for more than two years.

Vlad was doing a pop up in the Lilac Tiger bar:

I asked Vlad to make minis for me, so that I could try more than one 🙂

Also, I asked him to visit my mom, which he did on Saturday. I went there with him because, at this point, my mom needed an interpreter. We had not more than twenty minutes one-on-one, but overall, visiting my mom with Vlad, and coming to his event today, significantly altered my plans, and I have no idea how and when I will catch up with the rest of my life. And no, I am not complaining 🙂

Pottery Class

I gave a Pottery Class Christmas gift to Nadia and Kira, but Kira got sick the morning of the day I was going to pick both of them up in Milwaukee. After discussion with Anna, we decided that I will still take Nadia for that class, and figure out something else for Kira.

Looks like it was for the better, since the class turned out to be way more advanced than advertised. Although no previous experience was needed, there were a lot of instructions, which Kira probably wouldn’t like :).

Nadia and I had a great time, though!


Nadia’s bowl
My orchid pot

After the class, we went to Ryo Sushi, then to Amorino gelato, and spent some time at the Art Institute Ryan Center on some crafts. As Nadia put it, “it gives her an inspiration.”

Time well spent :). Also, Nadia made a Valentine for me:

Mom’s Updates

Mom’s God-given case manager L. visited her on Friday. She texted me an apology that she might be 15 minutes delayed, ended up being on time, and texted me again that she would wait for me to come. Pure angel.

Gave both of us a million hugs, told me how to talk to the agency, and increased mom’s help hours to 83/month. Mom finally started to realize that this is going to be a huge assistance for her, so now, instead of blaming me for “I didn’t react properly” on her fainting episode, she tells me that “I didn’t explain to her” what I was planning to do.

On Monday, I took her to her doctor for the check-up. I was not surprised that he didn’t find anything wrong with her in general, but I was surprised that there was nothing visibly wrong with her left leg. All neurological reactions were fine. He said that, obviously, fainting is not normal, but three weeks later, it’s hard to tell what was wrong.

Mom was very happy with the results of this visit and immediately went on a long walk with her caregiver. The good part about her ordeal is that she came to turms we needing more help, and hopefully she won’t be getting out of the house on her own.

Mom

It turned out that my mom fainted when she went to the grocery store with her caretaker several days after I went on my trip. I knew something had happened and that she was hiding something because she missed a day of emailing me. I figured I would find out anyway, and I finally talked to her caretaker over the weekend. It sounds strange because the store called the ambulance: they took her vitals, and absolutely everything looked perfect. But now she is afraid to leave the house on her own, and the caregiver can be there only twice a week. Also, it appears that her glasses didn’t change from outdoors to indoors immediately when she entered the store, so she is afreaid to wear them,

With all of that, in addition to the work crisis follow-up and some super-urgent Prairie Postgres matters, I had to make tons of mom-related calls. Now, her case manager is coming on Friday, and we will discuss adding more help (she has tons of allowed hours she does not use).

I also scheduled a visit to her family doctor for next Monday, ordered new glasses for her, and dropped off the frames.

She was at her biannual checkup on January 5, but she never tells the doctor what her problems are and says everything is fine. Having her vitals remarkably OK, it’s challenging for me to explain that not everything is OK. Last time, I left a note for the doctor before the visit, noting that she had complained about her left leg. But when she was at the doctor, she said she didn’t have any pain, so he let it go.

We’ll see how it will go this time,

My Mom’s 91 Birthday

My mom turned 91 yesterday, and we had a small celebration at Anto Pizza by Jarvis Square. This place never fails us; it’s perfect for any small family-style celebrations. They are officially BYOB and happy to provide glasses and bottle openers. I stopped by them last week and asked whether we could also bring our own dessert. They were surprised by request but said: sure!

Anna ordered a cake at a bakery just outside the border of Chicago, Sweet Temptations Bake Shop, and it was excellent! They used raspberry mousse instead of icing inside, and fresh raspberries for decoration.

My mom liked that the celebration was so small and cosy, and I think she also liked that John drove her both ways. At least, she didn’t complain about anything, neither at the restaurant, nor later in the evening when I called her.

The logistics for both Friday and Saturday were exceptionally complicated, because Friday night was my gift night for John and Anna: they had tickets for Phantom of the Opera and a night at Palmer House hotel, and I had the girls, and in the morning, the girls had a CSO for Kids concert, and then we had to pick up the cake, to pick up mom, and get my gift for her from my house.

I opened the Armenian pomegranate wine, which I bought on my recent trip, and it was also exceptionally good! Now I regret I got only one bottle!