Tag: family

The Last Time I Did Something Normal…

Last Monday, when Igor and I sat down at the Siskel Center after the Tarkovsky documentary with tea and my apple cake, I confessed that I felt hopelessly unprepared for retirement. That was the first day I was on call at my part-time job, and an incident happened, and I had to investigate. And here it was. Except for a couple of tech interviews, I haven’t had a chance to solve any puzzles in four weeks. And although it all happened at a very inconvenient time, I was so grateful for this opportunity to use my brain :). That was possibly the first time after my last day at my last job that I heard it loud and clear: I am not ready to retire yet. And not even ready for part-time only yet.

Igor replied that it was expected, and I asked a rhetorical question: why can’t I be like normal people? We both agreed that if I were a normal person, all our lives would be completely different, and it’s unlikely Vlad and Anna would have been born. As for Igor (it was his birthday, after all!), he definitely wouldn’t come to the US. And then, reflecting on these past forty-one years, I said: the last normal thing I did was give birth to you.

Thinking it over for the past week, I still maintain it is true. I often think about this whole process of me transforming from “one of many” to my present-day self. Yes, I was almost a straight-A student for years, although there was a period of lower grades in the middle of my college life, but there were many others, more talented, brighter. I was an active young pioneer and an active comsomol member, and at the same time, “just a little bit dissident-minded”, “for all good against all bad.” Just like almost everyone around me. And like “everyone,” I got married during my senior year in college and gave birth to my first child shortly after graduation. It was expected. Almost all girls timed it that way.

Everything else was a deviation :).

Mom’s Updates

At the beginning of September, I made another attempt to file for my mom’s SSI. Last time, we were told we could try again in July 2026, but July and August were two super-stressful months, plus my mom’s internet saga, plus fixing here access to the Social Security portal.

Finally, we scheduled the phone appointment, and miraculously, the same inspector who was handling our case two years ago was assigned to us again. I almost cried when I heard her name! Because she was already completely aware of our situation, everything went fast and smoothly, and a week later, my mom was granted SSI. Less than I hoped, but still something. Her housing situation didn’t improve; I tried writing to our Alderwoman, but they told me they can’t help. I am going to file for cash assistance from the State (we couldn’t do this until we had a decision on her SSI).

My mom didn’t understand what had happened and kept asking whether it meant that they would take her “food card” away, so I assured her that it was in addition, not instead, but I do not think she believed me. Her first payment should come on September 30, and I hope that all will be well!

Biking North

Anna wanted to try to bike from my home in Rogers Park to her house in Milwaukee, which would be the longest distance she had ever covered in one day, and she asked me whether Boris and I would like to follow her for a portion of this route and then take a train back. We enthusiastically agreed. Originally, we were thinking about going with her all the way to Kenosha, but it turned out that there were no trains from Kenosha in the middle of the day, so we would have to wait for hours to go back. So, instead of making 45 miles to Kenosha, we only did 30 miles to Waukeegan.

We would never be able to do it without Anna, because the maps are not accurate, some directions are confusing, and it’s not always obvious where the path ends. Also, there is no safe biking path from Rogers Park to Evanston, which is a shame. Biking on Sheridan is not a safe option except for a very early morning on the weekend, and things are still confusing. There are great bike lanes in Evanston itself, including multiple protected lanes, but you still need to get there!

I took notes on Metra stations where I will be able to get to the bike path straight from the train, and I might try to go on a shorter ride later, although I will still need to consult Google extensively.

Oh, and this French cafè in Highland Park where we had breakfast was something!!! I almost want to go there just for breakfast!

One last note: it always feels that you are going North, and it always surprises me. The climate is more “livable,” although I still won’t trade it for the lake 🙂

Bahai Temple in Evanston
Continue reading “Biking North” →

Mom’s Doctor

I had to do it all over again and switch my mom’s doctor one more time. After her doctor made us wait for over an hour, I decided we needed to look for an alternative. I thought that since I needed to take an Uber to get my mom to a doctor anyway, the distance didn’t matter, and I could expand my search to find a Russian-speaking doctor. I thought that since she doesn’t follow advice anyway, it might be important for her to be able to communicate directly with the doctor. Also, I was hoping she could be administered a memory test in Russian.

We switched from one doctor to a Russian-speaking one and scheduled an appointment. My mom didn’t like the new doctor, and if you ask me, she was not wrong. It’s funny that she has been complaining about the doctors not doing the same things as Russian doctors, like not listening to her chest at each visit or not giving her a better prescription for constipation. But now, speaking to a very traditional Russian doctor, she was upset that the doctor didn’t give her a visit summary, didn’t speak directly to her, and sent her to way too many tests. As for me, I didn’t like all these things either, plus the fact that she was saying all the time that she is the only good Russian doctor left in this area, and that only Russian doctors are any good.

Since my mom has already forgotten that she didn’t like her “one before last” doctor (who, I think, was the best she ever had) and told me that she never ever complained about her, I told her that I am going to switch her back, which I did, since we were still in the open enrollment period. I still need to wait before we see that new/old one, and I am not ruling out that my mom will be complaining again, but at least in that case, I have access to the patient portal and can message the doctor!

I am slightly upset because of the time wasted, but at least I tried, and there are no “what-ifs” left.

Kira In Chicago

This weekend, we finally had Kira’s special Chicago adventure. Since February, when she was sick on the day we were supposed to have a pottery class together, I promised her a solo stay with me, but it took us more than six months to schedule. It was the first time that she visited me without anyone else, including Nadia, and we had a great time!

She made a huge developmental leap and is now so mature, so interesting to talk with, such a loving and helpful person, that I can only admire Anna’s parental skills; she is a way better parent than I was! I see her in both girls, and although Nadia and Kira are very different people, I see that they took the best from both parents.

We had breakfast on my balcony, went to the beach early in the morning, visited my mom, and then headed to the Field Museum, where Kira planned to stay until closing :).

She changed her mind only when I suggested getting a gelato flower at Amorino, where, fortunately, the wait was not 45 minutes, but only 20!

Before we headed to the beach, I asked Kira whether she could try to make the guest room look like it was when she came, and she honestly exceeded my expectations!

And another thing which really touched me was how patient and kind she was with my mom. Initially, I thought my mom could meet us at the beach in the morning, but later I realized we would be there before she normally gets out for a walk, so I removed our meeting from her calendar. Then, as Kira and I were already heading out for the Field Museum, I saw an email from my mom asking whether she should wait for my call or head to the beach. I realized that the only option we had was to stop by on our way, so I called her to let her know we were coming.

Then I explained to Kira that my mom wanted to see her very much, and that she often forgets things, but she remembered that I wanted to see her. And I told Kira that if I lived for another thirty years, I might also become very forgetful, and I argued with Kira that she never told me this and that. She laughed at this perspective, didn’t complain that we didn’t go to the museum right away, and was very kind and respectful to my mom. And I was very thankful for that!

Mom

On Wednesday, my mom had an appointment at the hearing aid lab. She started to complain that she was hearing worse a couple of weeks ago. Since I suspected that the problem was most likely with the hearing aid, not with her hearing, I started by calling the lab and asking them whether it made sense to see them first before sending her to the audiologist one more time. They agreed that the problem was most likely with the hearing aid, so I scheduled an appointment at the time when her caretaker usually comes. She started to insist that I need to go with her, but I told her I would go if/when we need to go to the doctor. The next day, she told me that the appointment is too early, and she won’t be able to get up and leave the house at that time, or she will faint on the way. I replied that that was her regular time of leaving the house, and that if it were later, she would miss her lunch and faint from hunger. I also scheduled an Uber so that they could leave the house thirty minutes later.

It was indeed a dirty filter, and it is probably on me that I never learned how to change them and left this knowledge with Igor, who used to go to these appointments with her. Now, I googled it! And I ordered replacement filters. I might have thrown the old ones away last time.

The next day, my mom emailed me at 3 PM that she was devastated because she lost one of her hearing aids when she took the garbage out, and he already traced her steps, and the device is nowhere, and all other horrors. I told her to check her clothes or wherever it might fall. In 30 minutes, she emailed me that she swept the floor, didn’t find anything, but then she saw the hearing aid on her bed 🤷🏻‍♀️. Do not ask. Another thing I can’t understand is that, after she had already found it, she said she was so nervous she couldn’t eat or do anything. And this disaster continued into today, because when I came, she yelled at me, saying I didn’t understand how stressful the event was. Once again – 🤷🏻‍♀️

Biking With Anna And Other Saturday Activities

Anna sacrificed two extra hours of sleep to go on a Saturday morning bike ride with me. The air quality was significantly better than on Thursday and Friday, although the horizon was covered with clouds, so we couldn’t see a sunrise over the lake. Still, it was a beautiful sunrise.

Anna took a picture of me biking

When we came back, we tried to wake the rest of the family up, which took significantly longer than we expected, so we had to adjust the plans for the rest of the day. Still, the girls wanted to go to the Field Museum even if for a short time, so we did.

Now we are trying to figure out whether they will be able to come one more time before the end of summer.

Drama Camp

For the whole week of Drama Camp in the Lifeline Theater, the campers were creating a Time Voyage play. They came up with the script and all the dialogues, they built the set, made the props and costumes, and they rehearsed and finally presented the play to families and friends. Their teachers did an extraordinary job of guiding them through the process, supporting their creativity and making sure the show holds together 🙂

The Time Machine was made of a refrigerator box 🙂

Nadia rated this camp 10.99 out of 10 😀, and adults were definitely less stressed than last year. Kira said that she still liked the Field Museum camp better, but we think that’s just because she likes the Field Museum so much. Anyway, we have several options for next summer, and we’ll see what happens!

Oh, and I asked my mom’s caregiver to walk her to the theater for the play. She said that she was happy to see the girls, although she didn’t understand anything, and that even though she was tired, she was glad she went.

Fruits And Berries

Anna & Fam traveled to Chicago from Michigan, which meant there was an abundance of fresh fruits and berries sold everywhere in mass quantities. Anna figured out it shouldn’t go to waste, and the four of us will consume it all, but it didn’t appear to be realistic, especially because I also stuffed the fridge with CSA delivery and other fruit and vegetable purchases.

I will check with Anna, but at first glance, there were at least 10 lb of perfectly ripe peaches, a box of at least 5 lb of blueberries (I actually think more), several pounds of both red and Rainier cherries, red currants, cucumbers, peppers, and raspberries. And most of them didn’t fit in the fridge!

It was only yesterday that I managed to fit the remaining goods into the fridge, and before that, I was making Finnish blueberry-rye cereal for breakfast for both of us, and we gave a lot of fruits to Igor and my neighbor downstairs. My next-door neighbor just returned from Michigan herself 🙂

Girls in Chicago

Nadia and Kira are attending the Drama Camp at the Lifeline Theater this week. Anna is trying to work from home, and I am trying to work whenever the opportunity presents itself 😂

The challenge is that the camp drop-off time is 8:50, and pickup time is at 3 PM, and it’s about a 15-minute walk from my house, so it’s only 5.5 hours of work in between. Yesterday, I worked from home and picked the girls up so that Anna could do more work during the day. Funny story: when I came for a pickup and the counselor asked for the kids’ names, I almost said, “Anna and Vlad” 😂. After the camp, we went to the beach, and when Anna was done, we switched :). I think the beach is the best thing in this whole arrangement! The water is warm, I bought two new bags of beach toys, so even the 90s (which is going to be the case for the whole week) feels manageable 🙂