Specialized High School In The Soviet Union

It’s hard for me to say how “typical” School Number 30 was in comparison with other specialized schools. At the time I am writing, Leningrad had three specialized math schools: School Number 30, School Number 239, and the Specialized Boarding School Number 45 affiliated with Leningrad State University (the one Boris graduated from thirteen years before I graduated).

Obviously, we would kill anyone who suggested our school was second best. I didn’t challenge the quality of my education until fairly recently, and as I spoke at length about my University experience, I am going to describe my life and studies at School Number 30.

I won’t say everyone was highly motivated, but more students were motivated than at an average school. One thing is for sure: most of us felt elite and were very proud of it. We were also “a little bit dissident” and felt equally proud of that. Now I know that segregating more gifted students into separate classrooms immediately triggers the separation between “better” and “worse” within it, but back then, everyone was sure that it was the only way to give the best to the best students. Most of our teachers, not only in STEM but also in literature and social studies, were “above average” and demanded a lot from us.

Recently, I read a book titled “At Freedom” by Anatoliy Kuznetsov. This book is brilliant in so many ways that I can speak about it for hours. I don’t see any indication that it was ever translated into English, but I think this book is most valuable to those who lived in the Soviet Union or have close ties to it. It’s hard to single out the most important essay in this book; still, I want to call out the “Misinformation Secret.” This essay addresses a crucial topic that is almost forgotten thirty-five years after the Soviet Union’s collapse. These days, most people think Soviet political propaganda was on a “dummy” level, and that “nobody believed it.” In reality, many high-level specialists worked to perfect the propaganda, operating on multiple levels, exactly as Anatoly Kuznetsov describes.

Looking back, I realize we were all subjected to this “Level III propaganda,” and we all thought we were better than those common folks who believe in Level I or Level II, and that we knew “the actual real truth.” We admired our history and literature teachers, and once again, looking back, I am sure that some of them were cynical enough to continuously feed us with this “Level III”, and some were, like us, victims of the previous round of indoctrination, and truly believed in what they taught us. For example, I remember visiting my former Russian literature teacher during one of my trips to Saint Petersburg, who asked how well my children knew Russian. After I replied that they knew very little, she declared, as if it were the greatest tragedy that could happen to someone: They will never know Great Russian Literature! Never! Even though at that time I was still not completely free of all of the imperial nonsense we were taught, I was wondering why their ability to read and fully understand great English and American literature was less important, not even mentioning great French, German, or Spanish literature, which none of us could fully appreciate.

I think that a significant part of Russians who now declare that they always were “against all bad” and that their parents and teachers taught them good values, and that they are not responsible for anything, came from these specialized schools, where we were brought up to believe that we were so special, and so progressive, and so much better than others… And I was one of them, and it took me years and years just to start to understand that. I have no excuse, because I actually had brains but didn’t use them in some cases. Now it’s too late to undo what was already done, and the only thing we can do is stop Trump from repeating the same thing in the US.

My historical posts are being published in random order. Please refer to the page Hettie’s timeline to find where exactly each post belongs and what was before and after.

Christina Wyman: The views of tradwife influencers are evolving. It’s a complicated victory.

After a discussion on my friend’s blog about the “Yesteryear” book, I thought this Tribune article was worth sharing.


By Christina Wyman | Special to the Tribune

PUBLISHED: October 1, 2026 at 5:00 AM CDT

“My daughter wants to be a tradwife.” My friend sat across from me at dinner not too long ago and described how her daughter, a high school senior at the time, had zero college ambitions. Social media had taken care of that — her daughter had become an avid follower of the tradwife aesthetic, and my friend was not happy about it.

Lately, tradwife influencers are distancing themselves from the conservative label. (For those  unfamiliar, “tradwife” is short for “traditional wife.”) First, influencer Nara Smith rebuked the label this past summer, arguing on the popular “Call Her Daddy” podcast that it was a “bizarre” projection. More recently, influencer Bernadine Bluntly began chronicling her divorce, from both the brand and her husband, to whom she now owes child support. As high-profile, impossibly young tradwife influencers revise the conversations they started, I can’t help but to hope that it’s not too late for their devout Gen Z followers.

I have long believed that my friends who are raising teenage daughters are right to be concerned about this movement, which glorifies and glamorizes traditional family roles. If only tradwifery were just a social media aesthetic — and not an actual choice with profound implications for most women.

I know firsthand how quickly life can fall off the rails. I was a child who watched it happen to my mother.

When my mother had me at 17 years old, she was a traditional wife in every sense of the word. She didn’t have one penny to her name and depended entirely on my father, only 20 at the time. I was born in 1980, a few weeks after my mother graduated from high school. They had a shotgun wedding — the type of arrangement thrown together in haste because a baby is on the way.

Teen pregnancy was exceptionally common in the ’80s and ’90s, and shotgun weddings were not unusual at the time, either. These were choices people commonly made nearly half a century ago.

What I wish for the young tradwife followers on the brink of making decisions that cannot easily be undone is what I would have wanted for my own mother: a crystal ball or at least a front-row seat at an IMAX movie featuring the next 30 years of her life. She chose to marry and bear children before taking the time to decide what her own life could be on her own terms.

I had that front-row seat when I was a kid. I wish Gen Z women could see a fraction of what I saw growing up, what time did to my parents’ young marriage.

Twelve years after saying, “I do,” they were done with each other. Dad got a new apartment, and Mom kept the one I grew up in. Money was impossibly tight. I was a preteen when I watched my mother, a very young woman without an education or well-paying job, crumble under the weight of her new reality.

When my parents separated, Mom had to figure out her new role, and she had to figure it out fast.

In my family, the devastating effects of giving up your power to marriage and child-rearing, without a plan in place or skills to rely on, was multigenerational. It was the same story for my grandmothers — one of whom stayed with a husband she couldn’t stomach, just because she had no other options — and many other women in my family. And in each case, their tradwife-dom went straight to hell in a handbasket. Some of them have died penniless. The rest are tied to marriages or partnerships they don’t want to be in.

My mother, having gotten lucky with finding work and a new love, is the lone exception in my family.

Still, I’ll never forget Mom’s first, and last, stable job — as an employee for the United States Postal Service. She passed the test with flying colors. But a few days into the job, she came home crying. The hours were long, the work was back-breaking and management was condescending. While she spoke to a friend on the phone about her day, tears streaming down her cheeks, I took a walk to our local McDonald’s and bought her a burger and fries with my babysitting money. I felt powerless to help her.

Landing that job was hard-won. I know Mom was terrified about her lack of options. She eventually found her footing, but she retired after 15 or so years. The physical demands became too much.

My mother, like all women in her position, did the best she could with what she had. But I remember the choice she faced between gas and groceries. I remember the credit card debt she accrued so that she could buy clothes for her children. I remember her anxiety and fear over each unexpected bill that came in. I remember, more than anything, the endless fights she had with my father over money. Those fights did not relent until after I graduated college and became my own problem.

The fact that some popular tradwife influencers are no longer able to ignore the serious consequences in giving up personal power and independence is a complicated victory. It’s a terrifying thing to have to shift gears when there are bills to pay and mouths to feed, and I would not wish this reality on anyone. But if there’s anything to be gained from this evolving moment, it’s the hope that Gen Z continues to pay attention.

Christina Wyman is a teacher living in Michigan and a USA Today-bestselling author. Her upcoming novel, “Mean,” is a middle grade story about what happens when a mean girl takes a prank too far.

How It All Started…

There are multiple days that can be considered “when it all started” between Boris and me, and “by default,” we agree on March 20, 1983, the day we met for the first time. However, there are several other days, including the Day When Our Hands Touched for the First Time, which was September 30, 1988.

It was Friday, and we were flying back from a technical conference in Rostov-on-Don, the first conference I ever attended. Four conference days, when I could barely understand anything presented. Where Boris had a talk on the third day. Where we spent hours walking the city streets in the evening and talking. Where we sat in my hotel room, eating fresh fruit and fresh bread in place of dinner (and those who were not born and raised in the Soviet Union won’t understand that having an abundance of fresh fruit was a luxury available only “in the South”). Both of us were married, and both of us happily pretended that nothing was happening.

It was much warmer in Rostov-on-Don than in Leningrad, and the farmers market was overpouring with yellow pears and blue grapes. In fact, when the subject of the conference came up, I was hesitant to attend because Igor’s third birthday was in the middle of that week, but Boris told me: you will bring him fresh fruit. I did, and also lots of clothes: somehow, the private enterprise was rolling out faster in Rostov than in Leninigrad, and I bought several nice-looking outfits for Igor, still “a deficit” in Leningrad.

It was only on Firday evening at the airport, that Boris took my luggage from me to place it on the luggage belt, and our hands touched, and he didn’t move his hands away for a couple of seconds.

***

We talked about it on Saturday, because September 30 was in the middle of the week and busy, and we both admitted that in our wildest dreams we couldn’t imagine the future outcome of that day 🙂

My historical posts are being published in random order. Please refer to the page Hettie’s timeline to find where exactly each post belongs and what was before and after.

The Last Time I Did Something Normal…

Last Monday, when Igor and I sat down at the Siskel Center after the Tarkovsky documentary with tea and my apple cake, I confessed that I felt hopelessly unprepared for retirement. That was the first day I was on call at my part-time job, and an incident happened, and I had to investigate. And here it was. Except for a couple of tech interviews, I haven’t had a chance to solve any puzzles in four weeks. And although it all happened at a very inconvenient time, I was so grateful for this opportunity to use my brain :). That was possibly the first time after my last day at my last job that I heard it loud and clear: I am not ready to retire yet. And not even ready for part-time only yet.

Igor replied that it was expected, and I asked a rhetorical question: why can’t I be like normal people? We both agreed that if I were a normal person, all our lives would be completely different, and it’s unlikely Vlad and Anna would have been born. As for Igor (it was his birthday, after all!), he definitely wouldn’t come to the US. And then, reflecting on these past forty-one years, I said: the last normal thing I did was give birth to you.

Thinking it over for the past week, I still maintain it is true. I often think about this whole process of me transforming from “one of many” to my present-day self. Yes, I was almost a straight-A student for years, although there was a period of lower grades in the middle of my college life, but there were many others, more talented, brighter. I was an active young pioneer and an active comsomol member, and at the same time, “just a little bit dissident-minded”, “for all good against all bad.” Just like almost everyone around me. And like “everyone,” I got married during my senior year in college and gave birth to my first child shortly after graduation. It was expected. Almost all girls timed it that way.

Everything else was a deviation :).

End Of Summer

For the whole second half of August, I dreaded coming to work. It was not like any specific individual I dreaded, but the whole situation. My work life was split into two uneven pieces. One was the good feeling of being helpful to the customers. This feeling also came with bitterness, because in most cases they only reached out when a crisis was imminent, and even then, I could rarely convince them to make substantial changes to their systems. Everyone would choose a band-aid instead of proper healing. But at least I could resolve major crises. Each time, customers would send me a Slack message: “Thank you, Hettie!” I would tell them, jokingly, but not really jokingly: Please review us on Google. I knew no one above me in the chain of command would ever see these “Thank you” messages.

And the rest of my work life was absolutely Kafkian. When you feel like everyone around you is going insane, it’s very difficult to keep believing in yourself and not question your own sanity. For all these last two weeks, when no one in my group talked to me, I had only one thought: I want to retire immediately. I can’t wait till I turn 65. I can’t be in the office anymore. I am not going to do Postgres anymore. I told one of my fellow escorts during a shift that if it wasn’t for health insurance, I would quit on the spot.

And then, suddenly, it was granted. In the most bizarre way possible, it was granted. I feel blessed Boris was there with me then, because I was going through an emotional storm. On the one hand, I got exactly what I was wishing for for several weeks. On the other hand, the brakes were hit too suddenly, and I came to a stop from running at 100 MPH, and I wasn’t the one driving. The real blessing was that we got more time together than we planned, and it happened at the best possible time of the year – at the end of summer. We were able to go on more long bike rides together than we ever could. I went to the beach every day (less hopelessly rainy days). I was thankful for the place I live more than ever before, if that is possible. In a week, I achieved my long-time goal of getting 6 hours of sleep (although now I think that 5.5 is still what I need most nights).

Overall, it was a gift, but the fact that I didn’t have time to fully plan the exit presented several challenges – more on that coming soon!

Jaan Kross, Between Three Plagues: Final Review

That’s the last book of Jaan Kross’ “Between Three Plagues.” It took me a while to find all four parts (and it was very confusing to learn that there are actually four books, but parts two and three come as one book), but anyway, I finally turned the last page. I am as sad finishing this epic as my kids used to feel finishing the newest Harry Potter book, since for such a long time, Baltazar Russow was my companion. Each time I came to Tallinn, and it happened several times during my reading, I wanted to walk the streets that were mentioned in the book, stay by the building, and try to imagine events that happened over 400 years ago. My last trip, just over a month ago, was especially memorable since we stayed in a hotel with a mid-16th-century ceiling painted with some lively scenes, and I imagined that Baltazar could see this exact ceiling. It was also the first time I went inside the Holy Spirit Cathedral and saw the Baltazar Russow memorial plaque.

Having my connections to Finland and Estonia, it’s one of the most important books I’ve read. I think that only now do I fully understand the centuries of struggle of the people of Estonia and appreciate the entire complexity of it, as well as Estonia’s relationships with other neighboring (or non-neighboring) countries. I feel ashamed of not being informed for such a long time, and having mostly the “touristy” perspective of the country.

Another important aspect of this epic is Baltazar’s continuous reflection on the role of a historian, his responsibility for preserving the truth about his people, and at the same time, making sure that his work can be published, and all these never-ending compromises which, in the end, make him call his chronicles “a book of falsehoods,” while it still remains the most complete historical evidence of that period.

And finally, as I already mentioned while I reviewed the previous volumes, this is the most “lively” historical novel I ever read. I so loved the feeling of being there, witnessing everything that was happening. I read page after page, and I could smell coals on the snow-covered streets of Tallinn and the sweat of people packed in a tavern after a day of hard work. I could hear the neighing horses and screaming kids. I could feel the cold, wet November snow, and the warmth of moss in the summer forest. People, their feelings and their thoughts, their hesitations, love and betrayal – everything is so real!

I knew that Balthasar Russow was a real person, but reading the book made him even more real for me than many of my contemporaries. As if I were actually there.

We know very little about him, so everything except for his three wives is fictional. But I still want to believe that Epp was a real person, and that he saw her before his death. And the only thing that saddens me about the end of this book is that his last thought was about feeling guilty of being happy sometimes. How can anyone feel guilty of being happy? I guess I can think that Jaan Kross imagined it. But just that! 🙂

Volunteering And Being On Time

On Friday, I had an early morning escorting shift. When I need to be at the clinic at 7 AM, the 6:30 AM train is the fastest option: I can leave the house at 6:15 AM and be there on time. There is literally nothing faster.

When I left the house, I even had a thought that maybe-possibly I should hop on the Red Line, since the train was approaching the station when I walked by. However, I told myself that minutes matter, and I want to be actually on time – today, I was a team lead for the early morning shift.

Long story short: when I arrived at the station, I saw that the train was cancelled, and the next train, I knew, was in 30 minutes! Yes, it was Friday, but there are people who actually work on Friday! By the time I realized what was going on and went down to the street level, it was already 6:35, and I knew there would be no way to get to the clinic on time.

I ordered Uber while twenty people nearby were doing the same. Fortunately, it arrived in less than 5 minutes, and fortunately, the traffic was light. I texted everyone that I would be about 7 minutes late, and then I thought that if I wouldn’t have to go to escort, I wouldn’t even get Uber, but would walk to the L-train station. And I thought that the Uber driver would never believe I was so worried to be late to volunteering activity rather than to work.

And finally, I thought that the was majority of my volunteering activities are more time sensitive than my work. It happens so often that I realize I need to send certain emails “today”, no matter what, and spend time checking my language, like I would never do at work:)

Narva-Joesuu

On Friday, we got up at 5 AM in order to catch the 6:30 AM train to Narva. This time, we didn’t mess up with the buses, and took the right one, and didn’t even miss the stop, and were at the cemetery at 10:15 AM.

The weather on both Thursday and Friday was much better than forecasted. On Thursday, it was just sunny with no rain. On Friday, the rain was starting and stopping, but it was still light enough that we could walk around for a while, and we took shelter at a bus stop for only the last 30 minutes.

I was sure I would find the grave immediately, but I got lost again, and after wandering “somewhere close,” I asked a lady tending another grave if she could help me. The lady looked at the photo on my phone, but couldn’t recognize it, so I kept moving in circles, until she suddenly called me: Woman, woman! Here it is! I realized I completely forgot this way of addressing strangers (woman, girl, man, etc.).

Anyway, I found it. And now that the lot is cleaned up, I see that more repairs are needed, so we’ll have to figure out what we are going to do with it)/

Same as last time, Boris and I walked from the cemetery towards the village center, and passed the wood where I used to go berry-picking.

Once again, we stopped by the house where I spent three summers of my childhood. This time, however, it looked like there was a massive construction in progress, so I suspect that next time I visit, this house won’t be there anymore. Well, I am glad I had a chance to see it!

We had an extra hour and a half in Narva, and the rain stopped again, so we walked to the fortress (the view is so breathtaking that I can’t stop looking!)

Another 3-hour train ride to Tallinn, walking under the pouring rain to the ferry terminal, and a two-hour ride to Helsinki (this time, comfortably sitting in the cafe).

Boris believes that as long as someone remembers a person who passed away, this person is not completely gone. For him, that’s the reason to take care of this grave and keep visiting it. I do not hold this belief, but still, somehow, it’s important for me not to abandon it after I found it.

TIME Magazine: What Is a Democratic Socialist?

Interestingly, as it often happens when I am in Finland, I was thinking along the lines of this Time Magazine article. Each time I am here, I see and experience the outcome of a social system very different from the one we have in the US. I like what I experience, even though I see the cost of all of the things I like.

This article, however, emphasizes that Democratic Socialism is something different.

Full text below.

Continue reading “TIME Magazine: What Is a Democratic Socialist?” →

My Mom And Her Memories

It’s not even that my mom forgets things that happened many years ago, but the fact that she does not have real memories at all, but rather memories of the memories. She often combines several past events in one, or forgets the seqence of event entirely, like for example not remembering whether my children were born in the US or not. A couple of months ago she said that “I never told her anything about my first husband,” and would I tell her something about him, like what was his name, and who he was, and when we got married, and where he is now. I was more than shocked (I believe I blogged about it), but wrote everything down for her. For some reason, she seemed unhappy with what I wrote.

About two weeks ago, when she wanted to talk with me about her diaries, she mentioned that she found one of them, and she didn’t remember that she wrote it. I recognized the notebook when I saw it: that was the one I didn’t ever want to see again. She opened it and ask whether I remember how I yelled at her, and read one paragraph aloud. I told her that I indeed remembered. I didn’t ask here whether she remembered why did I yell at her, because she clearly didn’t. Then she said that she would type all the texts from this notebook on her computer (which was not a bad idea at all; she already did it with some of her diaries). And then she said that she was not going to change anything in her words, although now she thinks that she was wrong regarding “what she wrote about me” because “I am the best daughter ever.” To be honest, that was a tryly remarkable statement, because I would never imagine that she could take her words back, so I really wanted to aknowledge it.

Unfortunately, immediately after she said this, she added “as I mentioned, you never told me anything about your first husband, so I don’t know… it’s not about your Boris, is it?” I told her that it was indeed “about my Boris,” but she didn’t believe me. Now, adding two and two, I am beginning to think that she was reading her diaries, and could not imagine that she wrote all these horrible things about Boris and decidede I was married to someone else. Igor’s dad, apparently, had completely disappeared from her memories.