Christmas In Milwaukee
Tag: family
Last Days Before Christmas
On Wednesday, I took a half-day off, having plans to do my haircut in Palatine, visit my former neighbor, and meet with my other Palatine friend with whom we did the forest preserve volunteering.
First, my hairstylist texted me that she tested positive for COVID. I know that it can happen with anybody, but I felt that this was unfair to her because she was vaccinated and boosters, and she was always so careful! She got it light, thanks to the vaccine, but obviously, we had to cancel my appointment.
I thought – OK, I will have more time with my friends, and we even made an ambitious plan to go to the forest preserve, but you won’t believe it! The car got stuck on the tracks just to stations from Palatine, and we spent almost an hour not moving!
We still had a good conversation, but it felt very unfair once again!
On the bright side – I texted my hairstylist that I would mail her the cookies I would have given her in person. I had no expectations regarding their arrival time, but miraculously, the priority mail was delivered the next day, as if it was not the Christmas season.
I finished packing, helped mom assemble goody bags for all adults with whom we would celebrate Christmas. I also gave my neighbors cookies, did a couple of other last-minute things, and ended up going to bed after midnight for several days straight again.
Then’ we had very busy but beautiful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Anna’s family, and now I am back, and I’ve been smiling non-stop for the past two days!
***
I had two more cultural events last week: I went to see the Christmas Carol at Goodman and then to the Music of the Baroque holiday concert at the Alice Milar Chapel in Evanston.
The Goodman play is a holiday classic, and the concert is the one I wanted to attend for many years, but it was difficult to get to the location while I lived in Palatine.
I took mom with me for both things, and both times it ended badly. Some things can hopefully be corrected for the future, but with some, I do not really know what to do. Unfortunately, these two performances didn’t result in any holiday cheer.
People’s Connections
The last several days were filled with visits and conversations, making me feel very good. Yesterday, Anna and her family visited me, and the highlight of the day was going skating at Millennium Park. I told Nadia a long time ago that I would teach her to skate, and we pretty much did it yesterday! She was able to glide for a bit, and she got the feeling of skating rather than walking on ice. I am sure that next time she is on the skating rink, she will skate on her own.
We also had a short visit to the Art Institue and saw the Neapolitan Creche, and then we came back to my house, and Anna made dinner for everybody. Initially, we didn’t plan to eat at home, but we ended up having lunch and dinner at my house. Lunch was a takeout, and then Anna made an awesome paste dinner. I rarely make pasta for myself because it is challenging to make pasta for one :). So it was all good.
I received two presents with my Saturday mail: one from my very dear friend in Chicago and one from my friends in Ireland.
Family Thanksgiving
I can’t finish this post for five days:), so it might give an impression that our Thanksgiving was canceled this year one more time. But we had a Thanksgiving after all, and it was a beautiful one! Until almost the very last moment, we were not sure whether we would get together because Kira didn’t feel well. Fortunately, she felt better Thursday morning, and the COVID test was negative so that the whole family could come.
Boris could not make it this year because several work things piled up, and Vlad almost never can make it. We ended up having a family zoom, but a big part of the family was at one place, unlike last year. It was also an opportunity to test the setup with my large movable screen – we moved it to the dining room for “giving thanks.”
Nadia had a great time playing with my friend’s 7-year-old daughter. They barricaded themselves in the sunroom and didn’t let adults in :). The adults enjoyed the conversation, and I was so glad that we had this gathering!
Chicago Christmas Tree Lighting
I forgot to write about the actual start of the holiday season: the Chicago Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony. For many years, I attended it regardless of the weather, first with the kids, then on my own. I stopped attending it after the tree was moved away from the Daley Plaza to Millennium Park. The first reason was that the tree should be close to the Christkindle Market; they belong together. Second, the new location is less convenient. You have to be in a specific place to see what’s going on by the tree, and the first year I observed that most people who gathered to see the tree were able to see nothing.
Then, it was the Laquan McDonald unrest. It was quite horrible when people were already marching towards the Loop, and Mayor Emmanuel was lighting the Christmas tree. It is no wonder that people started pulling the lights off the tree and doing other damage to it.
Because of all that, I stopped coming to the ceremony, but this year, everything was different!
After not having a ceremony last year, we had it live! Also, this time around, there was more space to watch, and also, several large screens were projecting what was going on on stage.
Igor took my mom to the event, and one of my friends joined us. As usual, mom was first complaining that it takes too long to get there, and she did not want to inconvenience anybody. Then, she complained that she could not see anything, and then she said that the show with Ded Morozes on the boats in Saint Petersburg was better. Nevertheless, she asked both Igor and me to send her the pictures, and she asked several times how the show was called and for how many years it was on, and then sent the pictures to all her friends.
Fireworks after the tree lighting
Mom
On Sunday, when mom and I were on the CTA on the way to the concert, a mentally unstable person walked into a car. He sat down and started to yell something ineligible. I was more concerned that he was not wearing a mask than anything else.
Mom didn’t say anything until later (on the way back, there were two young women with the music turned very loud, and we walked to another car). At that time, she asked why this man “was yelling so loudly.” I told her that he was mentally unstable, but as it often happens now, she didn’t listen and didn’t try to understand what I was saying. Instead, she continued: a white man would never do that! What are they trying to demonstrate? Are they trying to prove that they can do anything they want now, that they are not slaves anymore?
When I was walking home, I thought about how I could talk to her and explain how racist her conversation was, and I did some prep in my head. But the next time I was over at her place, she was in one of these moods when she started from one statement and literally did not hear when I tried to stop her and make a contra argument. And then it was one of these circles when she jumps from one repetitive passage to another, and I know all of them and all possible sequences, and I have no choice other than to sit and listen.
That racist stuff really bothers me, even as I understand, that she can’t make new mental constructions anymore. Even if I would try to reason with her to the effect of whether she thinks about herself as “white” as her most important characteristic, it does not feel like she can make new connections. Even if we talk about issues other than race, no matter how many times I explain to her that things she considers impolite are perfectly polite in the modern world, Russia and America alike. She just replies: but that’s how I feel! I have a right to feel a certain way, the way I was raised!
That was just to document the current state of things. I do not know how fast things will be developing from here. No conclusion.
Medicaid
Yesterday, mom had her first doctor appointment with Medicaid. It was just how I hoped it would go. I switched her to another doctor right away after we received an insurance card, and I looked up this doctor online. This doctor is relatively close (we walked there), and she is an actual MD, not NP. Not like it really matters, but you could tell she has way more experience with older patients. We didn’t have to wait. In fact, they took us even five minutes earlier than our appointment time, and we spent in total over one hour with the doctor and the nurse.
Mom really liked this doctor (and she told her so) because she listened and discussed all the options seriously and at length. Before mom’s appointment, she had to fill in a lot of paperwork, and I really liked one, which was a sort of doctor-patient contract. This contract said that the providers and other specialists will do their best to explain the treatment plan, prescription, and everything and always have the patient’s best interest in mind. In turn, a patient promises to be honest about their conditions, not hide anything from the doctor, and follow the treatment plan.
That worked great because when the nurse started to fill in mom’s information and asked whether she had any body pains at the moment, she started saying like “this is not important, all these bruises and such,” I told her that she had just signed the paper promising to disclose all her information.
Also, they gave her both a flu shot and a Moderna booster, which saved us a trip tp the pharmacy (here, it’s not exactly the next door, and I do not have a car). And, to her surprise, she didn’t have to pay anything for that.
Now, I think she started to realize what it means to have insurance :).
Mom Is Back
Mom came back yesterday, and her journey back was way less stressful than the one in the opposite direction—less stress for her and me.
There were no issues with the wheelchair on the way back, and she was very pleased with the service. Moreover, the plane landed 40 min ahead of schedule, and there was almost no wait! I was late to pick her up because there were no trains on the Blue line for 25 minutes.
She said that she was “glad to be back alive,” but I have we didn’t talk much: it was 8 PM, she was tired and I needed to get home to finish my packing . Although my trip was going to be very short, I still needed to pack, and I didn’t have time to do it – none.
I am glad that mom is back safely, and I am immensely thankful for my friends Olga and Irina who helped mom with everything. One bad thing still happened – mom fall down on the street once, and almost fall down one more time. Irina blames herself for “not looking after her,” but honestly, it had happened many times already, and it does not matter whether she is alone or with somebody.
So far she is saying that she “has a lot to tell me” about her trip when I will come back. But knowing who she is these days, I won’t be surprised if she will end up not telling me any more details.
When we went out for dinner with Igor on the day after his birthday, I told him that I want to stop trying to explain anything to mom, and I should stop trying to explain things to her. It just makes her unhappy and she is not listening or rather she is not trying to understand what I am saying to her. I am going to try really hard just to listen – period.
Mom In Saint-Petersburg
Mom has four more days left in Saint Petersburg. In the past week, most things were sorted out. My friends Olga and Irina help her every day with pretty much everything: calling the cab, calling the plumber to fix the leaking pipes, taking her to her COVID test, and to the cemeteries to visit her relatives’ graves, making sure her test results are loaded to the government website and accompanying her to the bank, and I can’t even enumerate all the ways they helped! Nothing will be possible without them!
The last thing which was fixed was the heating in mom’s apartment, so now it’s not 45 degrees inside, but closer to 70.
It does not look like she will meet with any of her friends, although originally, she said that it was her goal. That’s why she didn’t want to go in July – she said everybody would be at dachas. Instead, she goes over her stuff, which is not a bad thing. Irina takes to the dumpster bags and bags of things that nobody needs. It is possible that when mom is back, she will be telling me that she could not meet with her friends because I didn’t allow her to use public transportation. I will do my best not to argue with her about that :). Most importantly, she got her new credit card, and she filed all the paperwork so that she wouldn’t need to come back when there would be time for a new credit card.
Hettie's Reflections 