Category: reflections

The State Of War – Again

In the past couple of days, my optimism about the development at the war front started to return partially because there was some good news, partially because I could see some panic in the ranks of pro-war bloggers.

At the same time, I was deeply saddened by some conversations I had with my Russian friends. All of them are against the war. All of them say that they feel endless shame and disgust with the actions of the Russian government and pain a sorrow for the sufferings of the people of Ukraine.

But that’s where the similarities end. The are two ways they think about “how this can end.” One – Russia will become a complete outcast in the world, a country completely isolated from civilization, and will stay like this for long, maybe forever. And another way – Russia will be destroyed and disappear from the earth’s surface, “and we deserve it.”

s I mentioned before, I firmly believe that only the defeat in this war might give Russia a chance to come back as a new country, a defeat as profound as Nazi Germany in WWII. But with my friends, such a defeat is either a tragedy or “it won’t be enough, it won’t change the people.

Both make me sad, and I do not know what to do with it…

Annoyed

I am sure I blogged about it a couple of times, but one more time… 

Why the second question to me should be, “where are you from?” It does not define me! It’s not the first, second, or third thing that defines me! Sometimes I am inclined to play a game that my friend Lena often plays when asked the same question. She moved around quite a bit, so she would say: I am local. And then people ask her: but where did you live previously? she would say: in Chicago. And before that? – In London. And before that? – in Albany… you got it. 

Often, I do not have time for this game, and instead, I ask: you mean where my accent is from? 

I understand a general curiosity, but really – you are in a professional environment, or you are volunteering together for a common cause, and the second question is, “what’s your ethnical background?!”

Trust me; there are more fun facts about me! 

Just FYI…

I didn’t have the internet on my flight back, so I drafted several posts and didn’t actually post them; and yes, then that happened – another shooting, so close to home… and I do not know what to say…

It Does Not Go Away

Although I didn’t see that many refugees on a trip this time, the sense of a more massive war approaching is here. And t does not really matter whether you are now in Europe or anywhere else. Each day, the news from the front leaves me paralyzed with horror, and every day, my mind is running circles asking – why, why, why there is so little help?! I said it already multiple times, and I can repeat it again: if Russia continues pressing the Ukrainian forces out of their territory, if Russia is left victorious, it won’t stop there! There is no hope for Ukraine; there is no hope for the world; there is no hope for Russia’s rebirth as a different kind of state if this won’t be stopped. 

***

My mood regarding the war is going up and down. I was excited yesterday when several western leaders arrived in Kyiv and made all their announcements. Today, I hear the comments that “we need to think about our future relationships with Russia, after the regime in Russia changes.” First, this regime must change, and I don’t believe it will change unless Russia is defeated. I hope that everybody understands that…

The State Of War

I can’t think without horror about the war, about what’s happening right now. I was never so pessimistic about it since the very first days. I am so angry about ammunitions not coming to Ukraine, the US not accepting refugees, and all these talks that “the peace should be achieved at all costs.” 

It’s so simple. I do not understand how those who suggest “peace in exchange for territory” do not realize that this won’t bring peace. That if Russia gains just any territory as a result of this war, that would be a signal that “it can be done.” That Russia won’t stop. Estonia and Lithuania, and other parts of Ukraine will be the next targets. 

Why did nobody learn any lessons from WWII? Why does nobody see parallels? Rhetorical questions. 

I do not understand what exactly “nobody wants a massive war” means. There is a massive war, and there will be a massive war. The only question is whether it will be initiated by the Western countries or by Russia. I hate to put it this way, but that’s what I think. 

***

It’s hard to be hopeful after what has happened in the past couple of days at the front. Both because of the fear for the Azovstal defendants and how the war vector might change now.  

And another thing I have been thinking about for the past several days. How so many Russian people still do not understand one simple thing: there is no “middle” in who started the war. There is no “middle” in who invaded another independent country.

All these people who dare to say that “the US started it,” “Ukraine provoked it,” and “otherwise, they would invade us”- all this is a classic victim-blaming! That’s the same as “she was raped because she wore a short skirt.” That’s if such accusations would be justified. 

And the last stanza. All these people who say “we lived in peace before” and “nobody hated anybody” how they won’t understand that the conquered nations just had to tolerate the conquerers. 

***

All this time, starting from February 24, I tried to talk to mom and explain to her what was going on. Sometimes I had the impression that she had started to understand. At least she looked at the alternative sources of information. Igor and Anna tried as well.

Yesterday, there Chicago Veterans Association had a gathering dedicated to the 30th anniversary of the organization. Igor and I worried about how it would go for mom because we knew that the veterans had a firm opinion of the war, and that opinion was not in favor of the Russian army.

According to Igor, everything went pretty civil there, but we were not sure whether mom was paying attention to what was going on. It turned out that she literally chose to ignore everything said there. I hoped yet another time that when she would see that everybody in the organization was against the war, that everybody would condemn Russia’s war crimes, she might realize that something was wrong with her reasoning. But unfortunately, she chose not to apply any logic.

I told Igor that I had given up.

It’s not that she does not have information or does not understand English; she has all the resources, and she chooses which ones to trust.
And when I am trying to talk to her, ai receive plain propaganda in response.

The Four Winds: a Book Review

Such a great book! I do not remember who recommended it to me, and I do not know why I was putting away reading it for so long! I purchased it on Audible a while ago and almost returned it without reading it because other books were in line… I am so glad I didn’t return it!

I knew very little about that period of American history. I knew times were bad, but I could not imagine to what extent! The eco-catastrophe described in the book looks almost not real and, at the same time, too close to nowadays climate change warnings. How people could forget that such horrible things already happened not so long ago.
Another thing that struck me is the description of poverty and how many people showed no compassion. Knowing how deceiving the Soviet propaganda used to be, you tend to think that everything they said back in the days was not true. And then you feel shocked realizing that indeed, people were exploited, and indeed, capitalists were afraid of the unions, and indeed, communists risked their lives, and they, indeed, did some good things!

One of these books, when you are sad you’ve finished it already :).

***

I heard a news story on BBC today about Russians who fled to Georgia and how many Georgians are unhappy with that. I heard a Georgian official explaining that they require any Russian who wants to open a bank account in Georgia to make a written statement that they are against the war with Ukraine, and they understand that Russia occupies parts of both Ukrainian and Georgian territories.

I was shocked to hear some Russian businessmen saying in the interview that this requirement is unfair because “they may be prosecuted for that when they will return to Russia.” I don’t understand how somebody can say things like that. Do they really plan to go back to Russia? To Russia, where would standing against the war and aggression still be a crime? They think about returning, and they can’t do as little as to be grateful to the country that sheltered them?