I wanted to do something more interesting than having coffee together for Mother’s Day, so I got the tickets to CSO for Renee Fleming and Eugeny Kissin’s concert. At the beginning of the season, I booked several tickets for Sunday matinees to take mom, but I had to return half of them because of scheduling conflicts. When I saw that concert, I thought there was no way thee ae any decent tickets left, but to my surprise, I was able to get two tickets, if not in the first row, still pretty close to the stage. Then I thought that I was not even going to try to make any dinner reservations because it would be impossible to get anything for Mother’s Day. Again, to my surprise, Forte was wide open, so I got the reservation right after the concert.
Overall, things were good. Mom complained about all the usual stuff but within average :). Unfortunately, one more time, I tried to reason with her when she told me that “here” things are different, and “back at home,” they would always announce the performers and the pieces, and she would not take my reminders that it was always the case at the classical music concerts. I blamed myself for getting into the arguments, but overall, she enjoyed herself.
I have weekly sessions with a therapist now, and these sessions helped me to realize that whatever I am doing and how I am talking to mom won’t change the speed of her decline; it will take its own course. I know that when I start reasoning with her and call for logic, it never ends up good; it makes bother me and her upset. So I am trying not to contradict her and not to argue, just to let it go.
I think that if I learn to control myself most of the time, it will be better for both of us. It’s along the lines of me stopping trying to fix everything and let things be the way they are.
Today’s good news: I finally got in touch with a Russian-speaking case manager, and she gave me a lot of good advice and reassured me that we will be able to resolve all the things related to mom that I am struggling with right now. That was very encouraging and really elevated my spirits.
Now, both mom and I need to focus on her citizenship interview that is scheduled for next week. She is panicking that she might forget some answers or not understand some questions, and I am panicking that she might start Putin’s propaganda… We have a weekend to rehearse, and I need to find and print all her documents, and a copy of her application. Hopefully, all goes well!
Hettie's Reflections 