I never planned to write anything about this here. Still, I can hardly think about anything else for the past several days. Since this blog is partially for future generations, and partially for a small circle of people who are close to me, let it be.
When you see somebody every day, you usually do not notice the changes. But all the changes which happened to my mom during these past several months, can’t be ignored. For those who haven’t seen her for some time, the changes are even more striking. Ten days ago, when I still couldn’t see well after the last surgery, I asked my neighbor to take mom and me to the grocery store. And she commented that mom became very fragile. There are more things that she forgets, and I understand that it’s difficult for her to be happy when she often feels disoriented.
I always feel upset when I can sense her unhappiness because the whole idea of bringing her here was that she could live whatever years she still has happier than before. I tend to reprimand her that she always finds reasons to be unhappy, but to be honest – how can you feel happy when things are slipping away?
During our July 4th gathering, there was one incident when she got very upset about a minor thing, and Vlad had to drive her to her home so that she could pick up the missing item there. Afterward, Vlad commented that she became like a child. The trend was there for a while, but now it is more pronounced.
Today was my first day back to the office, and I didn’t plan to stop by her. Tomorrow I am taking her to the dentist, so I thought that I could skip today. It turned out that her air conditioner is not working properly. To be precise, it does not cool her apartment enough in the energy-saving mode. I figured it out last week and turned it to the cooling mode, but then you need to turn it off periodically, and it gets back to the energy-saving mode. I was keeping asking here over the phone whether her air conditioner is working, and she was saying that yes, and that she turns it off when she gets out. But today, she said that it was very difficult to get by, and she had to lie down often. It turned out, that it was back to the energy-saving mode, and the temperature in her apartment was 84F. The outside temperature today was 92F, and it will be worse tomorrow.
I got into the car, drove to her and yelled at her that she could die that way. She got very upset that I yelled at her, but I didn’t care. She was keeping saying that she didn’t change anything in the air conditioner, and I told her just to remember which lights should be green.
Then I tried to fix her color printing thing, without much luck, so I will still need to google her printer situation.
Not all days are like this, sometimes there are better days. When I took mom to the forest preserve on Sunday, she was in a good mood, and alert, and conversational. But when something goes off, even some rather innocent things, I am scared because I do not know what will go off next.
I understand that things are being accelerated by the isolation and the lack of external stimulation. That’s why I started taking her shopping instead of bringing her groceries and was trying to come up with other activities outside her home.
Tomorrow, I am taking her to the dentist. There will be teeth extractions and new dentures. I need to make sure she will take the antibiotic and the pain killer; she often tries to ignore both after the dental appointments.
And I need to be more patient, which does not happen all the time.