On Monday, I had a surprise visit with Anna and the girls. They stopped at my place on their way to John’s family summer house in MI, and I was overjoyed to hear that they were coming. I didn’t have any specific plans for that evening except for finishing several things I hadn’t finished over the weekend, but even if I did, I would rearrange them.
We had an amazing time, partially, I think, because of it being completely unplanned. When I told Boris about this surprise visit, he said that he was glad that Anna trains me in spontaneity. And that is something I want to keep enjoying.
At some point, I became too dependent on my plans and feeling unhappy when things are not going as planned. And while planning is a key to success, I always remember the day when I had my first ultrasound which revealed that I was having twins. To my gloomy: That’s a little bit unplanned, the technician replied: Sometimes unplanned economy can be very successful! She was alluding to the “socialist planned economy” v.s. “capitalist unplanned economy,” which made it especially funny. Yep, the most unplanned thing in my life was the best thing ever happened to me!
I worked from home on Friday, and it was surprisingly good. Most times, my attempts to work from home result in frustration: I spend time prepping my meals and doing something around the house, thereby spending less time on work activities and thereby not being able to step away for a bike ride or for a beach break. Since I started working at my current company, each time I tried to work at home during Boris’ visits, I would regret it and resent not doing work and not doing non-work.
But last Friday was different, and now I want to build on this positive experience. I think that the perfect start of the day was the decisive factor: I did strength training first thing in the morning, then Boris and I went swimming, and when we were done, I ordered a takeout breakfast at Charmers. It’s a little bit over a ten-minute walk from the beach, so our order was ready just in time. We ate breakfast at home, and I started my workday right after that. It was a little bit later start time than my usual, but that was fine with everyone, and then I could work without interruptions. It was a very busy day, I had to service three internal customers simultaneously, and I was up to the challenge.
We had lunch together, and I was able to finish my workday at 4:30, so we had time to bike afterward and do a couple of other things. As I said, I hope to reproduce this success in the future.
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The weekend was doing nothing in the best possible way – a long bike ride, more lake, and me cooking our favorite dishes. Boris hinted that in Finland, they eat salmon soup even when it’s hot outside, so I made some.
I also made tiramisu, and we ate it all 🙂
It was too hot for outdoor activities at midday (at least for Boris), so we spent a lot of time just sitting inside and talking. It was great since I constantly feel that we do not have enough time for that, and I do not want to put my life on hold until retirement!
During my mom’s last doctor’s visit (we switched to the new primary care doctor) I mentioned that she refuses to use her cane when walking, and as a result, she falls often. The doctor suggested trying Nordic sticks instead: “Canes are for old people,” he said, winking, – “for those who can’t walk. and we are going to exercise, like active people.” I purchased the sticks, and on Saturday, we had a “test drive”.
I was surprised with how fast my mom got it. I noticed that she is not operating with her left hand the same way as with her right (and I asked her whether she keeps doing her hand exercises and reminded her to keep doing them. Also, I will need to check on whether she is using the sticks on her morning walks. But still, I was ready for her “I can’t do it,” but she did.
On Sunday, we had an early celebration of Nadia’s and Kira’s birthdays. Our original plans changed dramatically due to circumstances beyond our control, but the day ended up being so busy that it was probably for good that some things were canceled.
The day included a trip to the Sunday Market, getting the annuals for my balcony, the beach, pizza, presents, and the cake – what could be better!
The week before last was quite challenging on the “mom’s front.” She forgot again that since the start of the war, we haven’t congratulated her on V-Day. And to be honest, no matter how many times I tell myself that it does not really matter, that she is where she is mentally and can’t reason straight, I still can’t create a version of the “Goodbye Lenin” movie. I can’t make myself think that “it doesn’t matter.” I can’t make myself to say anything celebratory. We talked about this two years ago. A year ago. She kept bringing it up again this year, and I ended up raising my voice and being upset, and the latter one was completely unnecessary.
The WWII Veterans’ organization organized a concert and a celebration at a restaurant, and my mom was invited to both. Later, she told me that at one of the events, another veteran asked her whether she had a social worker. When my mom replied that she didn’t have one, they kept asking who did shopping for her and who cooked and cleaned. She proudly replied that she was doing all of it by herself.
I remember how excited I was when I learned that I could get a social worker for her and offload some of my responsibilities. And I remember how upset she became when I told her that this could be an option. I see at least two different aspects here.
It was the busiest Mother’s Day weekend I ever had, and I worried that it would be too hectic, but it was great! On Saturday, Nadia and I went to the CSO matinee concert “for big kids.”
It was great as always. The concert was called “The Sound Waves,” and all the pieces that were performed had something to do with water and its symbolism. The program included music by Saint-Saens, Wagner, Sibelius, Tchaikovsky, and Mendelssohn, and at the end, the orchestra played Stravinsky’s Suite from The Firebird.
After the concert, there was a kid-friendly reception at Forte. Anna was skeptical about how “kids-friendly” it was going to be, but it was amazing! They had both adult’s and kids’ food (even peanut butter/jelly sandwiches :)) and lots of fruits and vegetables.
Then, we all went to Milwaukee because Nadia had a recital later the same day. That was the part I was unsure about: obviously, we didn’t plan on the concert and recital on the same day! However, everything went perfectly, Nadia was the first to perform at the recital, and she did great. Anna accompanied her, which was especially enjoyable.
In the evening, we had one more adventure. Somehow, we all missed the news about the Northern Lights (and even if we knew, there was no time to go anywhere after the Field Museum Night). Then, we became jealous of all the people posting amazing photos, and since there were more chances for the Northern Lights to reappear the next night, Anna suggested we go away from the city lights pollution and try to catch them.
We didn’t get a chance to see them; as it turned out, they appeared after 11:30PM, and we left at about 10:30, but we didn’t regret that we went on this adventure. I can’t recall when was the last time I saw a clear night sky away from the city. All the constellations, and the Milky Way, and a shiny half-moon – everything was up there above us! The parking lot of the forest preserve was full of cars: many people had an idea similar to ours. We asked for the way to the beach and followed the stone steps down to the lake. We stood there together with other people, staring into the sky. Then, we saw the lights of the police car. We were sure they would kick us out: the park closing time was 10 PM, but the officer got out of the car, approached us, and asked sympathetically: nothing yet?
He said that the night before, there was a huge crowd at the beach, but the police didn’t kick the people out: it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event; how could we! We were just making sure everybody’s fine.
We stayed there for a little bit longer, but since we were unsure whether anything was going to happen, we left. It was still amazing :).
Then, there was an actual Mother’s Day, and Anna cooked the most delicious breakfast (and I didn’t take pictures!), and then I went back to Chicago. The weather was gorgeous, I could actually go to the beach, but I decided in favor of biking – I didn’t have a chance to go biking for several days. Then I went to see my mom, and there was a little bit of disaster, but that’s a separate story. The most important thing is that my Mother’s Day was amazing, and I also got a new Dunes t-shirt from Igor and also my friend mailed me this very special gift:
it was the first time that we attended the member’s nigh with both Nadia and Kira! If was a very long day for them even though Anna took them out of school earlier, but we had tons of fun!
the event was extremely crowded, and there were so many things to do that we had to decide what’s the most important things we want, and not even try to cover everything. Before heading to the FIeld museum, they stopped at my work, had som efood and took the whole bag of snacks with them. It was a great idea, because the line to the cafe was very long, and we would waste a lot of time if we would decide to eat there.
We spent more than three hours at the museum (I didn’t think the girls would last more than two!). The highlight of the event was a visit to the mammal preparation lab, where they do taxidermy. That was the only lab for which we needed advanced tickets and the only one where you could not take pictures. The toxidermists were demonstrating how they skin a lioness!!!
There were many other interesting activities and stations where the scientists explained what they work on, or just explained some interesting facts. Nadia liked the station “Mammals are sick,” where the scientists explained how they can diagnost the diseases of the extinct animals by examining their bones.
One fun fact I didn’t know – different animals have blood of different colors, and pretty much all possible colors can be found in nature!
Mom’s bank blocked her again. It took us a lot of time and effort to unblock her account last time. Everything worked for a while, and I checked her balance occasionally. Then, one day (I wanted to change the card used to reload her Russian phone because the card used before had no money left), the bank blocked us. I remembered what we did last time, so I came to her and had her call the bank using her Russian phone (I asked Boris to add money there). She called, and the operator asked her to verify her name, date of birth, passport number, and where and when it was issued. She gave them all the information. Then, the operator asked her what her secret word was, and she could not remember (of course!). Then the operator said that since she couldn’t remember, she couldn’t unlock her account, so she would text a link to reset the secret. I can never understand what the point was because my mom had called from the correct number, and she had already verified the information, so what difference would it make to receive a text to the same number? But needless to say, the text never arrived. The account is still blocked, and I have no idea what to do next. I imagine that they probably can’t believe that my mom is still alive at 89, but this does not mean they have to block her account every two months. I hate to spend time on this, especially when there is no resolution.
Anna and her Family visited me this weekend. They arrived on Friday night. On Saturday morning, we had a little kids’ concert, then we went to the Art Institute and Millennium Park and had dinner at my house.
I think it was one of the best Chicago weekends we had so far. This time, Kira actually sat and listened to the concert and was engaged all the time. Also, it was almost the first time when she wanted to see the exhibits before rushing to Ryan’s center. The projects that they had at Ryan’s center this time were probably the best we ever made: creating your own miniature rooms.
Anna said right away that she wanted to make her own project, too, not just helping the girls, so I ended up helping everyone:). It was a very fun project, indeed. Anna told Nadia that adults rarely do crafts, and Nadia asked why. We had to admit that there are no good reasons not to do them (and, in fact, some adults do quite a bit!).
Here is the music room Anna crafted (with a little bit of my help :))
On Thursday, I visited the conference venue and talked to the event manager about the conference details. When I returned to the office, I sent a Telegram message to K., who is our Chair of the Talks Selection Committee and my good friend. She is seven time zones ahead of me, but I knew that she was waiting to hear the results of my meeting so that she could finalize the schedule. I asked her whether she could talk so that I could fill her in.
She replied that she was out with her husband for their anniversary dinner and that she didn’t think he would take it well. I apologized and put all of the details into an email, but I thought: my husband would take it well! I even asked Boris the next day :). He said that he would probably make fun of me, but he would definitely understand and wouldn’t hold it against me.
I know that that’s against all psychology, all work-life balance basics, and contrary to how happy families should function. But that’s how it works for us:)
Hettie's Reflections 