Tag: family

Christmas in Milwaukee

Merry Merry Chicago One More Time

When I realized that I wouldn’t be able to take Nadia to the Christmas concert on December 20, I offered an alternative plan: I took December 23 off, purchased the ticket for matinee performance on that day, and suggested to pick up Nadia on the evening of December 22, and then come back with her on December 23 and stay to celebrate Christmas. Unfortunately, there were no Amtrak tickets available for me for “swapping a suitcase for a child” (the only acceptable train was sold out), so Anna had to drive to Kenosha, and I took Metra there (and took another Metra back 20 minutes later). I packed a gigantic luggage with presents and all the things I needed in Milwaukee so that the next day, Nadia and I could travel light.

The trip back was very long, but Nadia entertained herself by reading all the names of the stops and keeping track of them – for some reason, stops had not been announced on this trip!

The next morning, we went to Common Cup for breakfast (I am so glad Nadia likes Common Cup as much as I do – yay!).

Then Nadia decorated all of the remaining cookies, and I was impressed by her skills! I told her that next Christmas, I will request her help in my cookies’ operation!

Continue reading “Merry Merry Chicago One More Time” →

Mom’s Caregivers

It took almost four months, but my mom finally had all the services she could have. Setting up the homemaker service took five visits from different social workers and coordinators from different organizational levels, but finally, everything is in place, and the woman who comes to her is really nice! She has been there only once to do some cleaning, and it looks like I will need to tell her what she can do to help my mom because my mom can’t realize what she needs help with. I have a long list, however!

On Wednesday, a technician came, and her wearable device was set up, although she is complaining and does not want to wear it. Learning something new, including the simple thing of pushing a button and an overall concept of wearable, is challenging for her, so I am unsure how effective this device will be. I just hope for the best.

Another thing I was planning to do but am unsure about is setting up her paratransit. They need us to show up for an interview where they will determine whether my mom needs paratransit, and that’s a whole project on its own. However, since one of my friends uses paratransit, I know it entails long waits and possible delays, so I am not sure it will be worth using it instead of Uber. Still thinking about it.

Everyone who interacted with my mom through these months was either just nice or exceptionally nice, and I am surprised and happy to see so many dedicated people working in elderly care.

Together

Vlad is in Chicago this week, and since it does not happen very often, everybody adjusted their plans. Anna, John, and the girls arrived on Saturday morning, and we all met with Vlad for brunch at Revival in Andersonville.

It was great to be together – it was at least a year since last time. Also, it was great to be in Andersonville. I realized that I have almost never been there since Vlad has not worked there for years, and I missed its vibe and being able to walk and stop at different shops and meet people.

After Thanksgiving

Boris nearly missed his flight: there was a traffic jam at the ORD entrance, and it took Uber 50 minutes to get to the terminal. I believe the better strategy would be to Uber to Cumberland and take the L to ORD. But it is what it is. I am sad about such a stressful ending to a very good week we had.

As it always happens, I have more things not done than done, just because I have all holiday things, plus work, plus the conference, plus our NFP, plus conferences where I submitted some proposals. Plus twenty different professional projects I want to start. Oh, and plus, it became sharply cold and my body didn’t have enough time to adjust.

Nevertheless, we had a very good time together and did many things around the house. Boris repaired a bookcase that started to fall apart after I returned from my last trip, and then he moved bookcases around as we planned several months ago but never did. We took down the flower baskets, covered all the balcony furniture for winter, and put up Christmas decorations.
I feared that because of how busy I was this year, I wouldn’t feel as joyful decorating the house as I usually feel, but this fear was unfounded. Everything except for the tree is up, and Christmas is in the air 🙂

Thanksgiving

I never know what to write about Thanksgiving. We made it :). Actually, the cooking time was the least effort I remember. It took me more time cleaning up, doing the dishes, and packing the food to go, but I am done with that, or with most of that. Boris helped me a lot (probably more than ever), and I am also very thankful for that. I am tired, but also, since Boris and I were chatting all the time while I was cooking and he was helping, I got a lot of new Postgres ideas that I want to try 🙂

I know I am hopeless:)

My son-in-law said I have a secret extra day of the week – I wish!!!

One thing we always have for Thanksgiving are pies from Vanille:)

Mom

A quick review of the past couple of weeks. Health-wise, she is doing great. I took her to her doctor two weeks ago (that was the hospital visit follow-up), and he was really impressed. He said that unless there are any concerns, he does not need to see her until June. At the same time, after we reported everything that happened to my mom, he looked at me and said: you realize that that’s just the beginning? Make sure to call her every morning to check that everything is alright.

I understand that, and that was one of the reasons I was still looking for a caregiver closer to my mom’s house. The one who started to visit my mom before I went on my trip, turned out to be great. Mom really likes her, and I asked her to meet with my mom at least once a week even if there are no specific needs. It is also great that she can take my mom to places where my help is not really needed, like the nail salon. I even asked her to take my mom to the blood test. To be honest, this small help frees up a lot of my work time, and that’s the primary reason I feel like I am becoming a human being again.

We ran out of the nurses’ visits, which was not so bad because there were objectively no reasons for them and because my mom insisted on somebody being there during the visits, even though the nurse spoke Russian. The insurance won’t cover it anymore; as I said, it’s good enough for now.

One of the things the nurse arranged was a social worker’s visit. Mom had this weird idea that if she would admit she needed help, I would send her to the nursing home, so she always said that she didn’t need any help. The social worker came anyway, and she assigned a Russian-speaking case manager for Mom. This case manager called me a week later (not three weeks later, as we were told). I had to take off work again, but at least I got some valuable information, especially regarding the subsidized housing. Now that I have learned how it works, I am not surprised that we are experiencing a housing crisis. Anyway, I contacted both subsidized housing and filled in applications. One was accepted, and another was returned, and we still need to fix the issues and turn it back. I don’t know what to make out of the fact that two houses have entirely different applications!

For a reason unknown to me, my mom believes that she will be placed in a room “with somebody else,” and she still thinks that it’s “a nursing home.” I hope she will realize that this housing is much better than where she lives now and, more importantly, that she will have Russian-speaking neighbors. To be honest, that’s the sole reason I want her to move into one of these buildings, and if I could pay the full price for her to live there, I would be happy to do so!

In addition, the case manager performed a memory evaluation for my mom, and since I know what it should look like, I realized that she did a very basic one. I guess that anything better than complete dementia is considered to be “ok” at this age. A side note: my mom got very upset with this evaluation and said that she is not a mad old lady :), which is very true!

I think those are all updates for now!

What Are Children For? A Book Review

I finished this book a while ago and didn’t give it any rating. I finally gave it three stars, but it’s not like “the book was worse than I anticipated.” I learned about this book from the Point Magazine newsletter – they ran several articles on that topic before the book was out, and it sounded interesting enough for me to invest in reading rather than listening :). As I said, I finished it a while ago, and still can’t formulate my opinion about it.

Maybe it would be better just to summarize my view on the subject: I do not understand what it is there to argue about. Some people want children (I was thinking about having children as the best thing that will eventually happen in my life since I was fifteen). Some people do not want children. Some people change their minds as life goes on. Some people want to have just one child, some want to have many and enjoy having many. Never in my life could I understand what’s the argument. As long as I can remember, I have always believed that all children should be wanted and that a woman should have as many or as few children as she is willing to have, including zero. End of story. End of argument. No judgment.

***

The authors, Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman, performed extensive research on the history of the subject, and I learned many new facts about how the choice of not having children was viewed throughout human history. In addition, they reviewed multiple literary works on that topic. Although I really appreciate them being so thorough, it felt almost “too much” with lots of repetitions. A disturbing part was the one where they cited responses to their survey. Some of the survey participants said that they would have children only if they were able to provide them with the same opportunities as they had as children, “including private tennis lessons.” (yes, that was one of the responses; I am not making it up!)

Again and again, I do not get why there should be any “whys” at all. Do some people want to make a good impression on others, or are they trying to fool themselves? I don’t know. There is a whole chapter about people who “do not want to bring children into this world when we have a global climate crisis.” It sounds so strange to me and so illogical.

In addition, again and again, I hear all the arguments about “you can’t have it all.” And when I read through some of the detailed explanations, I can see what these working mothers mean. One says: “Either I am making a Halloween costume for my child, or I am attending a meeting; I can’t do both simultaneously.” That makes me wonder, since when you are a bad mother if you do not hand-make a Halloween costume for your child? For several years, we had an agreement that I would hand-make a costume for only one of my three children, and the other two would have to either store-bought costumes or we would use some props we found at home. And if I ever emotionally scarred my children, it was for reasons other than not making Halloween costumes. (It’s also worth mentioning that I love making costumes, and it won’t be the case I won’t be making any! I think that too many working mothers impose unrealistic expectations on themselves regarding what is required from the perfect parent. And by the way, if you can’t be a mother for one kid and work, does it mean that you can’t be a good mother for two kids because each of them will only have half of you. And what if you have five?! It does not make sense :). Time is not additive 🙂

… I asked Anna whether she indeed thinks that motherhood affects women’s careers. She said: Oh, a hundred percent! I asked her: do you really think you would be making more money if you wouldn’t have kids? And she said: no, I would make less! Which is how I feel 🙂

Alternative opinions are welcome!

A Night At The Museum

For Nadia’s seventh birthday, I gave her a Dozing with Dinos—a sleepover in the Field Museum. As anyone can imagine, I was equally excited to spend a night at the Field and wonder around all the exhibits as long as I wanted to.

It turned out that there was not that much time for free-roaming because the whole night was full of activities: we met with the scientists, saw the animals skinning in the lab, identified different smells and sounds, saw a 3-D movie about the T-Rex and did a scary storytime.

Our sleeping area was in the Great Dinosaur Hall, and I think it was the best place, although Nadia said that sleeping by the Sue T-Rex would be better (when I was ordering this package, there were no places by Sue available, but maybe next time!)

We packed our things in the morning, left them in the locker, and went for breakfast. The only thing that could have been done better was the food provided as a part of the package or rather some inaccurate information about it.
They said there would be a late-night snack, but they had different bags of chips, tea, and hot chocolate. They also said there would be a continental breakfast, but it was just an apple, a banana, and one mini muffin (plus juice/milk/tea/coffee). Thankfully, the museum bistro was open at 7-30 AM, so we didn’t go hungry!
By 9 AM, Anna and Kira came to the museum. I thought we would stick around for an hour or two at a maximum, but we stayed there for more than four more hours! It’s the longest time I ever spent in any museum!

In the evening, when we all set for dinner, Nadia said that the best thing about that day was the whole day, and the worst thing was that it came to the end 🙂

Oh, and one fun fact: according to my Health app, I climbed 25 flights of started on Friday, and 25 on Saturday!

Mom’s Updates

Yesterday, the physical therapist who comes weekly to work with my mom graduated her to walking outside independently. He said that she made significant progress, which is great and remarkable. I know that my mom worked hard and performed all of the exercises twice a day.

I thought that on this note, she would send everyone away and would prefer to walk on her own all the time, but thankfully, she was cautious enough to say she would still need somebody for longer walks next week. I am still unsure how I will feel leaving Chicago for two weeks, but we have another week to evaluate the situation.