Hettie’s Reflections – Blog Posts

Parenting

Anna was asking me how Nadia is different from her at the same age. I replied that she is different because all human beings are different. But I am finding it hard to pinpoint, what are the exact differences.

Our parenting styles are different. When Anna was two, her life was undoubtfully more structured than Nadia’s. There was no question about what clothes to put on, whether to have dinner or not, and what will be served. There was no throwing away food. There were no reading books on the potty. Part of it was survival, me being a single working mom of three in an unstable economy. But part of it was a starting point. 

I was an incredibly liberal parent by Russian standards those days. I didn’t spend all day disciplining a child. I would let them do tons of things other parents won’t. But by the nowadays civilized standards, it was still very rigorous parenting. 

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About My Stay in Madison

To cover the past two weeks: it was crazy at work. An interesting fact is that it was mostly good stuff. Good things were happening, and some decisions I’ve been waiting for for a long time were finally made and approved. But it was tiresome. When you need to sit at the meetings for 6 to 7 hours every day, and not just “sit,” but actively listen and participate, you are done by the end of the day — so done, as if you worked 16 hours straight.

There was also a lot happening outside work — things related to the December conference in Chicago, which I am heavily involved in. Boris and I were finalizing yet another paper submission. I was trying to make sure my direct report will present our work at another conference, which I am unable to attend. All stuff with my Mom. All things with my volunteering.

And then I took two days off and went to Madison to babysit my granddaughter Nadia. I can’t remember another moment in my life when I would gladly disconnect from my work email, Slack, etc. I checked what was going on a couple of times (literally!), but without any hesitation replied: this can wait till Tuesday.

It still took me some time to relax, but by midday Saturday, when I was leaving, I already felt pretty good.

I returned home to my long weekend to-do list, but I am keeping thinking about everything that happened during this visit, most about my conversations with Anna.
A couple of months ago, I started to write a post about Anna’s and my parenting styles, and then put it aside. I think now I will be able to finish it :).

Love Madison :)

How You Deal with Stress? You Bake!

I think many people can relate to this statement – baking is an excellent way to fight stress. Sometimes, when I am exceptionally stressed, and most often, this happens when I do not have time to do something important, I drop everything and bake. My Finnish friends are my never-ending resource of easy recipes. Remember, I said that I am afraid of complicated recipes with many ingredients? I have a couple of friends who provide me with those. 

I wanted to bake this pie in one of the two days earlier this week before I would head to Madison. And I was planning to bring a result with me. But I was so running out of time, that I didn’t. I felt it being a “non-closed issue.” I loved this recipe from the first sign because I do not consider plums, along with apples and pears, fruit. I put them into a dessert category right away.

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Fall 1992: Finding a Stable Daycare

In fall 1992, I had two problems to address: finding a second job and enrolling Vlad and Anna into daycare. I’ve already mentioned it briefly in previous posts, but I will elaborate more here. The daycare situation was really weird. Since the very early days of the USSR, it was proclaimed that women are liberated from the house slavery and can in enslaved at work. During 1920-30, women were encouraged to bring their babies to daycare at a very early age. Technically speaking the “nurseries” which would take children starting from 3 months of age existed even at my time. But you would be considered a horrible mother if you would send your child to a nursery. Since women were allowed to stay home until a child reaches the age of 18 months, the groups which would take smaller children have been closing right and left.

I found one nursery which still had a group for toddlers from 12 to 24 months, just one for the whole Gavan, the part of the city where we lived. This nursery was partially subsidized by one of the largest shipbuilding plants in the town, so I guess that was the reason.

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Making a Difference

It happened so that in August, I was able to come to ODS to cook dinner for three weeks in a row. And it opened me a completely new experience. When I first started coming to ODS, I was told that I could be flexible and come there when I have time. That was one of the reasons I chose this program -I thought I would be able to fit my activities in whenever. I can write volumes about how I started to come to the ODS (Open Door Shelter) and how I was slowly winning the trust of the residents, about all the ups and downs.

As for the flexibility, I was never required from me to come with a specific frequency or on certain days of the week. But then I started to hear the “old” residents telling the new ones “she is coming every week.” And when we were trying to film “a cooking show” a boy posing as a show host would say to the camera: Our friend Ms. Henrietta is coming every week. I also hated it when I was not able to tell the youth when I am coming next time. I knew that some of them would be gone by my next time, and a half of the others will forget what I said, but I hated this moment when they would go: oh, whenever you have time! We appreciate you coming …

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My Grandmother’s Birthday

Today is the 116th birthday of my paternal grandmother, whom I have named after. She died two years before I was born, so I never met her in person. People are saying I am looking a lot like her; I think this is more wishful thinking :), she was stunningly beautiful. I like this photo the best of all the pictures of her I have. The way she and my grandfather look at each other, not looking at the camera is something unthinkable for the age of staged photographs.

My grandfather, being a high-ranked officer in the Soviet Army, was probably thinking that he will be remembered for his victories on the battlefield. Or for his successes in expanding the communist regime into new regions. But he remained in history because she loved him.

Early Fall 1992: Work, School and Daycare

In August 1992 Vlad and Anna turned one and had their first birthday.

Vlad’s and Anna’s first birthday
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My New Volunteering

This Saturday, I’ve attended the training for my new volunteering activity. I know that it sounds completely unreasonable and ridiculous. I am continually complaining, that I do not have enough time for anything, including my existing volunteering activities, and yet I’ve just signed for a new one.

However, this one is really important for me, and when I first heard about it I knew right away, I need to be a part of it.

I’ve been a part of the Illinois Clinic Escort Team for five years. The clinic escorts are people who come to stand in front of the abortion clinics and help patients to pass the “antis.” Antis are protestors, who are either trying to stop women from getting an abortion or curse them (and escorts for that matter) or trying to be intimidating in other ways.

Before I go further, let me tell you something. In my previous blog, I had several different levels of security so that different groups of readers could see different posts. There was a good reason for that, but when I’ve started a new blog, I resolved that all my posts will be public, that I will write the truth and only truth. If I am not comfortable making some information public, I do not need to blog about it.

Thereby, I am not going to hide the fact that I am pro-choice and actively volunteering for this cause.

Now I’ve signed for the new activity: I’ve joined Midwest Access Coalition, The mission statement says:

As a practical abortion fund, MAC helps people traveling to, from, and within the Midwest access a safe, legal abortion with support in the following areas: travel coordination and costs, lodging, food, medicine, and emotional support.

After some more formalities are completed, I will become a host for individuals, who are traveling to Illinois to obtain a safe and legal abortion. I am not sure yet, whether I will be doing it besides or instead of escorting, but I am going to do this because this is something much needed.

New Bikes!

When Boris was in town, I finally talked him into getting a new bike. Actually, I wanted really badly to give him a new bike for his birthday, which was in June. I already had two bike-related gifts for him, but this didn’t feel enough for me. Fortunately for me, the gear-switching mechanism on his old bike finally broke, and I told him that I do not like to listen to this noise when we are biking together.

He said he wanted a bike as traditional, as possible. Thank goodness, they do not manufacture bikes with foot brakes anymore; otherwise, he would get one! I’ve ruled out the more expensive models, and we ended up with this one, also pretty traditional.

While we were in Mike’s Bike Shop, a salesperson asked me whether I wanted a matching bike for women. And I am not going to lie – I was already looking at one of those!

The one which was on display was hopelessly pink, but the salesperson said, that there is a variety of colors, including (he said, looking at me) my favorite color! The bike also had a basket in front. Two years ago I rejected the idea of having a bike with the basket, but now I knew for sure that there are situations when I need exactly this! The advantage of having a wired basket as a part of the bike is that you do not need to unbuckle it each time you leave your bike at the bike rack. You just pull the actual basket out and go around shopping.

We took a time out till Sunday. And then on Sunday, we were busy, and the weather was not great. And I was not sure whether I want it. Then I got sick. And then the day he was leaving, I finally made my decision – I want a second bike.

We went to the shop, and it turned out that my favorite color has to be ordered, so I still had to wait for several days. It was only last Friday that I finally took my new bike home. Look at it! Isn’t it gorgeous?!