Hettie’s Reflections – Blog Posts

What I Want To Do…

Same as a year ago, I am not writing down the “summary” of 2023, nor am I making any New Year resolutions. However, I had a relatively quiet time in the past several days, and I used this time to think about the directions I am moving, and possible course corrections.

This morning, I asked Boris what he thought I should do less and what I should do more in 2024. He said that he wanted me to be a little bit more relaxed. I started laughing, but he made a very specific point. He said, as he often says, that I am trying to pack too many things on any given day, and because of that, my plans can be easily ruined, and then I am always unhappy about it.

He said that if I left a little bit more room between planned activities, my plans would be more resilient, and although it may feel that I am doing less, I would be able to do more in the end.

I promised to think about that, and I will.

I started several new activities this year, and although they say that starting new activities is good to keep your mind sharp, I know that I had too many. Here are some things I did this year for the first time:

  • Writing paid blogs (that was a second attempt). This activity has both good and bad sides, and as of now, I almost want to stop doing it, but I believe that the better option would be to limit it to one article per month (which is objectively happening now) and to give more thought on what content might be beneficial for me, rather than for the publisher.
  • A number of mentoring opportunities:
    • Code2College volunteering. This was another mixed-bag experience, and I will probably give it another try. The negative part is that I do not believe in remote mentoring, and when you are in different states with your mentee, you can’t even suggest an impromptu meeting. The positive part is that I can see that I make a difference, and my mentee is a young woman with great potential.
    • Greenwood project. I was pulled for one Lunch and Learn event through my work, and I had such positive feedback from the participants that I want to get more involved. I was hesitant to follow up with the project because I was afraid of overcommitment, but the more I think about it, the more I am leaning toward doing just this one rather than others.
    • One more attempt to go back to OMD: I am not doing it again. I had enough sense to cancel my participation before meeting my student (after I passed all the checks and training), and at least for now, that was the right decision.
    • Participating in the Women’s Mentoring Circle at work. I like the idea; the actual implementation was variable, but now, three months into the program, I can see its positive impact. The biggest challenge for me was to let other people speak :).
  • Attending sessions with a therapist. That was a very targeted activity with the goal of improving my communication with my mom, and it really helped. Still, I need to remind myself about the techniques I can use to make this experience better for both of us. No negative sides; all positive
  • Becoming CSO Kids’ ambassador. I most definitely have no time for that activity, but it is so exciting to participate, and there are so many perks that I can’t walk away from this opportunity!
  • Going camping for the first time since I was a”young pioneer.” I liked it, but most likely, I won’t do it without Anna.
  • Discovering Fort Sheridan – I hope I will have more of it next season, and I hope it will become an even more important part of my life.

There are two more activities to which I tentatively agreed, but they didn’t start yet, so it does not count.

P.S. Yes, I am hopeless 🙂

P.P.S. This post is not about “where I want to go” yet. More to come 🙂

Bias Against Bodies Podcasts

WBEZ’s Sasha-Ann Simmons ran the Bias Against Bodies podcast for most of 2023. Here are just three of the episodes.

Fitness

Fashions

Workplace discrimination

Welcoming The New Year

Igor and I went to the City of Chicago fireworks, and I have nothing but good to say about how everything was organized this time. We should have come earlier and watched “The Best of the Art on the Mart,” but I was not sure that the CTA would deliver as promised (it did!), so we decided to come later and saw only a little bit:

Continue reading “Welcoming The New Year” →

I Can’t…

Several times this year, I told myself that I should write something in Russian on Russian social media because I know people for whom reading in English is difficult, and I know that Google Translate does not do justice. I admire those who can write in Russian without compromising themselves. I can’t. Each time I try, I come across people who blog as if everything is normal and it’s OK to wish each other a happy and healthy new year. It might sound not fair because I also blog about “normal stuff,” but I still can’t get over that. Maybe I should rephrase it. It’s not about what people write about but more about whether they consider their lives “normal.” That’s a breaking point for me.

I have friends whom I love and support, and I know that they experience the same outrage reading these “life goes on” posts. For their sake, I should be more present, but each time I try, I feel that I can’t be sincere in liking “all the best in the New Year” posts.

Another possibility is to have a Russian language blog on this platform, which I contemplated several times but never tried. I know that those who get into trouble going to another social media platform just to be able to read what I am writing are people who share my values. I want to be able to keep talking to them.

Dr.Strangelove

I watched this movie based on a recommendation from a blog I follow.

Wow. Now I wonder why I never heard about this movie before, especially if it was so highly rated not only at the time it was made but years later … I guess, It’s one of these “people never learn” things. I am glad I watched it, but I find it difficult to write something meaningful about it. I just grabbed the Kindle book which this movie is based.

When I related my impressions to Boris earlier today, he said that it might have been filmed as a follow-up of the Caribean Crisis, but as I found out, the book was written earlier. I might write more after I read it!

USPS – 2

In addition to my troubles with mailing packages, there were similar troubles with receiving them. A package from Ukraine arrived on Saturday, right before my departure to Prague. They left a note in my mailbox, stating that “there was nobody to sign for the package.” That was not true because I was at home at that time, but granted, they wouldn’t have time to get out of the gate and buzz me down when they were already inside. Having that our post office is located very inconveniently for me to reach it, I worried that I will never get this package on time. Then I discovered that I could request redelivery and wave the signature and that I could do it online. I scheduled redelivery for next Saturday when I would be back. The request was accepted, but then nothing came that Saturday. The status of the package was marked as unknown, and the redeliver request “expired.” In addition, there is no way to call the local post office directly, they only list the centralized USPS system customer service number.

To my surprise, the package was magically delivered two days later (with no notification, of course!). Then, I received two more packages from Japan and from Germany; both were left by our mailboxes. And then, a day later, I received a notification from USPS that the packages could not be delivered because nobody was home!!!! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I am still waiting to hear about what happened to a package from Ireland which was apparently returned to sender (!!!) because the address was incorrect (!!!)

I also heard from another person about the certified mail letter being returned for an unknown reason, and also, one of my two packages to Switzerland was already returned twice for “incomplete customs declaration,” and I am about to give up on it!

Once again, not for next year: do not mail things last -minute!

Between Christmas And New Year

I like this time of the year. I might not be celebrating the New Year as many of the ex-Soviet people do, but I am not one who exclaims, “What’s so special about this day?!” I do look at what I’ve done in the year that is about to be over, and I like it when I hear the year-end podcasts and interviews on the radio. No matter how arbitrary the date is, I like the idea of looking back and seeing what went well and what didn’t, what I can do to correct the course, and what all of us can do to make the world a better place.

That being said, a couple of Time Magazine articles that caught my attention during this holiday week:

Why New Year resolutions fail – I was always curious just about that, and this article gives an interesting perspective (and I added several books to my reading list)

Thirteen ways the world got better in 2023 – A very important reading for obvious reasons. The article lists important breakthroughs in fighting climate change, advances in medicine, and crime reduction.

9 mental health resolutions – The one I never thought of is “develop empathy for someone different from you.” One thing that always puzzles me is “time for yourself.” I think that whatever I am doing is “time for myself,” because I am doing what I want to do, and you will have hard time convincing me otherwise!

And finally, the essay about a new year resolution that resonates with me (most likely because it’s for my age group).

Since there is more than one article today, I am not copying the whole text, so if any of my readers from Russia have difficulties accessing them, please let me know, I will make separate posts for each of them.

***

I spent more than an hour trying to say something, but I am giving up: I do not have enough words (or proper words) to describe how I feel. So let me say just that: this year, I am most thankful for Boris being here and helping me in all possible ways: with Postgres things and with personal things, and with everything, giving me the support that helped me to move along and avoid burnout. I won’t be where I am now without him, and my gratitude has no limit 🙂

“Trying to be Barbie…” Talk

There was one more talk at the PG Conf EU, which I wanted to mention. I am not posting in my professional blog simply because I already saw at least a dozen posts about it, and I have nothing to add. But since not all of the readers of this blog follow me on professional platforms, I thought it’s worth sharing here.

My friends and peers, two fantastic women whom I genuinely admire, Laetitia Avrot and Karen Jex, delivered a talk, “Trying to be Barbie in Ken’s Mojo Dojo Casa House.” Unfortunately, the conference organizers put this talk in parallel with another very important talk, so the attendance was lower than it should have been, but there was still a big crowd attending, and Laetitia and Karen received a standing ovation. The recording of the presentation is not available yet, but both slides and the talk transcript are available. I am posting both links here, so that anybody interested could download, see and share.

The slides.

Transcript

Some pictures:

Unfortunately, there were some reactions from some attendees to the effect that “why can’t we have just database talks at the database conference, and why should we instead focus on the gender of a few people?” I believe the response on the social media was perfect: “a few” is exactly why.

The War Is Not Over

Just a day before that happened, I talked to my friend who was in Chicago for the Christmas break. We were very happy to get together and talk about everything in our lives, but not all of the conversation topics were happy. She expressed her frustration, which I seconded, with people around us being “fatigued” with the war and “moving forward.” The conversation she had with her colleagues really struck me. She related that when the holiday season started, many people asked her whether she was going home for the holidays, and when she replied that she couldn’t because her country was at war, people looked startled: which war? with Ukraine? Isn’t it over yet? I can only imagine how she felt, but I couldn’t agree more: one of the biggest frustrations at the end of the year was that the war was largely forgotten.

And then came the airstrikes.

Yes, for the past two days, each news broadcast starts with the Ukrainian war news. I wish there would be a different reason for that. Those lives that were taken won’t be back. But maybe, hopefully, these horrible events would make people think. I hope that what happened was a clear reminder for those who think that this war will never affect their lives. I hope that more aid for Ukraine is coming (and I am going to make it a part of my end-of-the-year donations as well). Aggressors never stop. They should be stopped. Using as much force as needed.