I Can’t…

reflections 1 Minute

Several times this year, I told myself that I should write something in Russian on Russian social media because I know people for whom reading in English is difficult, and I know that Google Translate does not do justice. I admire those who can write in Russian without compromising themselves. I can’t. Each time I try, I come across people who blog as if everything is normal and it’s OK to wish each other a happy and healthy new year. It might sound not fair because I also blog about “normal stuff,” but I still can’t get over that. Maybe I should rephrase it. It’s not about what people write about but more about whether they consider their lives “normal.” That’s a breaking point for me.

I have friends whom I love and support, and I know that they experience the same outrage reading these “life goes on” posts. For their sake, I should be more present, but each time I try, I feel that I can’t be sincere in liking “all the best in the New Year” posts.

Another possibility is to have a Russian language blog on this platform, which I contemplated several times but never tried. I know that those who get into trouble going to another social media platform just to be able to read what I am writing are people who share my values. I want to be able to keep talking to them.

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Published by Hettie D.

My name is Henrietta (Hettie) Dombrovskaya. I was born in Saint-Petersburg, Russian (actually, back then – Leningrad, USSR) in 1963, and immigrated to the United States in 1996. I love Saint Petersburg, the city I was born and raised in, and I think it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world. Similarly (but differently) I love Chicago, and can’t imagine myself moving somewhere else in the observable future. I have three children, Igor, Vlad and Anna, all adults living on their own, and one (so far) granddaughter Nadia. I also believe that my children are the best thing that happened in my life. As for my professional life, I am working in the field of Information Technologies. When I was twenty, I’ve declared that the databases are the coolest thing invented and that I want to do them for the rest of my life. Thirty plus years later, I still believe it’s true, and still, believe that the databases are the best. These two statements together imply that I think a person can have it all, and indeed, I think so! Keep reading my journals to find out how I did it.

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2 thoughts on “I Can’t…”

  1. I understand you.
    I know enough English to read and understand your texts, but not enough to comment or write my own.
    That’s not the problem, it’s that most of my life is “just life as usual” like most people in any country. About the part of my life that concerns Ukrainian refugees, I will not write in Russian or English for many reasons.
    I don’t support the war and the policies of our government, but I have no way to influence that. I do not hide my position. My Facebook profile is open. “If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”
    To write at the beginning of every post “how much I hate Putin” would be hypocritical. I don’t think about it most of my life.

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    1. Oh, I was by no means criticizing anybody except for myself. Nobody should dictate to other people what they should or shouldn’t write about. That’s all about me, and I understand that my reactions are hypocritical because of all I said above. I stopped actively blogging in Russian in 2019 because it became increasingly uncomfortable to remain in the public space and be attracted – I didn’t want to let it go, and at the same time, I didn’t have the mental energy to fight this new reality. I thought for a while to keep a Russian blog for close friends only, but this sort of defeats the purpose. I’ve circled through these thoughts for a very long time, and I feel that the way I am doing it now works for me. All the rest are just poor excuses on my part. I feel that I need to be more present, but I haven’t found the right way to be present. I understand everything you are saying. I never write “I the Putin” anywhere just because I do not think it’s productive. And I shouldn’t make assumptions about what people think (especially because people take it personally as you did).

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