Category: reflections

Hope Instead Of Cynicism

I really love this Time Magazine Essay: If Optimism Feels Ridiculous Now, Try Hope.

I love that it highlights the danger of cynicism, which I pointed out so many times recently, and I love that it explains the power of hope.

Although you can read the full text of the article below, as usual, I also wanted to highlight a very important paragraph:

Research clearly demonstrates that more than 80% of Americans—including Democrats and Republicans voters—would prefer greater peace between political parties; most respect democratic rule. Across surveys, a supermajority of the country support policies to protect poor people and the climate. But almost no one knows that.

Both Democrats and Republicans vastly overestimate how extreme, hateful, anti-democratic, and violent their opponents are. Media companies thrive on outrage, inundating us with extreme and inflammatory portrayals of the “other side.” When we uncritically consume these messages, we miss out on vast swaths of common ground that most Americans share.

That’s, by the way, what surveys were showing even before the elections, and that’s what votes were saying going to the polls. I am glad that I see more and more in-depth analysis of why Americans voted the way they voted. There is no time to cry. It’s time to get things done.

Continue reading “Hope Instead Of Cynicism” →

What Are Children For? A Book Review

I finished this book a while ago and didn’t give it any rating. I finally gave it three stars, but it’s not like “the book was worse than I anticipated.” I learned about this book from the Point Magazine newsletter – they ran several articles on that topic before the book was out, and it sounded interesting enough for me to invest in reading rather than listening :). As I said, I finished it a while ago, and still can’t formulate my opinion about it.

Maybe it would be better just to summarize my view on the subject: I do not understand what it is there to argue about. Some people want children (I was thinking about having children as the best thing that will eventually happen in my life since I was fifteen). Some people do not want children. Some people change their minds as life goes on. Some people want to have just one child, some want to have many and enjoy having many. Never in my life could I understand what’s the argument. As long as I can remember, I have always believed that all children should be wanted and that a woman should have as many or as few children as she is willing to have, including zero. End of story. End of argument. No judgment.

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The authors, Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman, performed extensive research on the history of the subject, and I learned many new facts about how the choice of not having children was viewed throughout human history. In addition, they reviewed multiple literary works on that topic. Although I really appreciate them being so thorough, it felt almost “too much” with lots of repetitions. A disturbing part was the one where they cited responses to their survey. Some of the survey participants said that they would have children only if they were able to provide them with the same opportunities as they had as children, “including private tennis lessons.” (yes, that was one of the responses; I am not making it up!)

Again and again, I do not get why there should be any “whys” at all. Do some people want to make a good impression on others, or are they trying to fool themselves? I don’t know. There is a whole chapter about people who “do not want to bring children into this world when we have a global climate crisis.” It sounds so strange to me and so illogical.

In addition, again and again, I hear all the arguments about “you can’t have it all.” And when I read through some of the detailed explanations, I can see what these working mothers mean. One says: “Either I am making a Halloween costume for my child, or I am attending a meeting; I can’t do both simultaneously.” That makes me wonder, since when you are a bad mother if you do not hand-make a Halloween costume for your child? For several years, we had an agreement that I would hand-make a costume for only one of my three children, and the other two would have to either store-bought costumes or we would use some props we found at home. And if I ever emotionally scarred my children, it was for reasons other than not making Halloween costumes. (It’s also worth mentioning that I love making costumes, and it won’t be the case I won’t be making any! I think that too many working mothers impose unrealistic expectations on themselves regarding what is required from the perfect parent. And by the way, if you can’t be a mother for one kid and work, does it mean that you can’t be a good mother for two kids because each of them will only have half of you. And what if you have five?! It does not make sense :). Time is not additive 🙂

… I asked Anna whether she indeed thinks that motherhood affects women’s careers. She said: Oh, a hundred percent! I asked her: do you really think you would be making more money if you wouldn’t have kids? And she said: no, I would make less! Which is how I feel 🙂

Alternative opinions are welcome!

War Thoughts

We can survive pretty much anything Tram would try to do with our country. I am pretty sure about that, partially because of the usual percentage of pre-election promises being and not being realized and partially because I remember what Anna taught me about how the Congress works (and why it works that way).

There is only one thing that might be irreversible, and I am afraid of it – the betrayal of Ukraine. I believe that it may happen because I know that the business wants to end the war. Nobody from the business side of things wants the war, and the business does not care about what the end of the war will entail. No matter how much analysis is done, they still do not care about what will happen in two weeks, yet along, in several months.

I know that the call is to end the war, and if Trump would end the war the way he wants, it will mean that Ukraine as a state will cease to exist. I imagine that there are a lot of people who don’t care, but even if they don’t care about Ukraine they should understand that the next war will be inevitable. I probably shouldn’t mention that Biden’s decision regading the missiles usage is too late, and as much as I hope for the best, I don’t believe that any major wins are possible.

Everything else will be fine.

Thoughts

I heard a comment the other day that can be rephrased as a standard appeal to Puritan ethics: people do not want their money taken away and redistributed. This means that at least some well-off people believe that anybody who is in a bad financial situation got there because they didn’t work hard enough, tried hard enough, or whatever.

A day before I heard this comment, I talked to my friend, who is a retired special ed teacher. She worked all her life in a most noble profession. Still, she doesn’t have enough retirement income and has to work part-time, not because she wants to do something, but because without this extra income, it would be difficult for her to make ends meet. And that’s where I have a problem with the “it’s all their own fault” statement. There are many professions, many jobs like this. And we need to raise taxes to pay teaches salaries and pensions. And if we reduce public education to a level low enough that people who can afford a private education would opt for it, this will completely eliminate the concept of “equal opportunities” (yes, we already have districts with low education quality, but we should put an effort into resolving these problems, not exacerbating them).

I didn’t even start on another topic: even if somebody “didn’t work hard enough” or “didn’t save enough” is it morally acceptable to leave them without support when they need it?

And a final note, which should have probablybeen the first one. I hear people saying that they chose “the lesser of two evils.” What I do not understand it how these “evils” can be compared in terms “more” or “less.” They are very distinct, I would say, the opposite evils, meaning that you either find Trump’s policies evil or Kamala’s policies evil, that are not comparable in my opinion, which makes me think that people who choose “the lesser evil” do not really look in-depth on what they are choosing.

But I might be wrong as usual.

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I am not going to vent about Tuesday. First, venting does not help, and second, as sad as it is, I can’t say it was unexpected. The mood in the office yesterday was gloomy, and the Finnish chocolate I brought came in handy. Yesterday was the day of our women’s circle meeting, and all of us came in like “meh,” but we decided to talk about positive things, and at the end, we all agreed that we would keep doing good and survive another four years.

As much as I always blame myself for all the bad things happening in the world, I do not blame myself that much for not doing canvassing. If there was anything I could do better, it was voicing my opinions, participating in meaningful discussions, and sharing information in all other possible ways. I am not even angry, not like in 2016, just focused on what I can do and what my priorities should be.

I think that the way Kamala Harris accepted her defeat and pledged to a peaceful transfer of power was the best thing she could do strengthen democracy and give an example of civilized behavior. Her speach was great, and I am so glad that she is not going to disappear from political stage.

Back to work. Back to life.

Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism

You 2.0: Fighting Despair

This Hidden Brain episode is called “Fighting Despair,” but I became really focused when it came to the second part: the cynicism and the skepticism as an alternative. Before I heard this episode, I never thought about a formal definition of these concepts. Here is how the psychologist Jamil Zaki defines them:

Continue reading “Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism” →

The Atomic Cafe 1982

I finally watched The Atomic Cafe, which was on my watchlist for the past two months recommended by Michael Roman. As usual, when the movie is the one I want to pay close attention to, I watch it one small piece at a time.

To summarize my reaction in one sentence: what a horror story! I had no idea that that’s how the US propaganda worked, and I am not even sure I should use a past tense here. The scariest part for me was not even the actual propaganda films with “no worries, the hair will grow back” and “it’s safe to get out after an explosion,” but the background country songs jokingly mentioning an atomic bomb, punishing Japan and all things related. Gives you a new perspective on the “Oppenheimer” movie and life in general. It’s worth noting that there is no narration and no commentary, just interviews, tv shows, and propaganda movies clips.

Must-see. Open access at the link above. Enjoy….

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I talked to a co-worker the other day. He is not Russian, not Eastern European – nothing that would make him especially sensitive to the current political situation. I do not recall what prompted his comment about “as a Russian,” but I replied as usual that “it is not what defines me.” He proceeded with, “You are not denouncing your Russianness” and “It has nothing to do with this political situation.” It started to be more serious than a breakfast conversation in the cafeteria, but I couldn’t drop it at that point. I replied that I felt like I had everything to do with the situation because it’s my generation that didn’t follow up after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the dissolving of the Communist Party. It was my generation that let it go, and thereby I do feel responsible.

He said: I have Ukrainian neighbors on one side and Russian neighbors on the other side, and my Russian neighbors are afraid to speak Russian. And then he talked about his closest friends who are Russian and about some bets and about drinking. The latter one is a serious trigger point for me, so I said that this conversation was making me uncomfortable.

We both had to go to our desks, but I hope to continue this conversation with him. I want to ask him whether his Russian friends feel that they have something to do with what the Russian government does or if they do not think it is related to them. As for speaking Russian, I am acutely aware that at this moment in history, the Russian language for Ukrainians sounds like German during WWII for many European nations, so I do not think it’s appropriate to speak Russian in their presence (unless it’s their initiative).

Recently, I read an essay by Michael Shishkin – a Russian writer who is not at the top of the list either in Russia or internationally. I was deeply moved by this essay – my thoughts and words exactly. I agree with him that it is extremely important to understand that everybody born and raised in Russia, no matter how progressive or even radical was their upbringing, carries the baggage of imperialism. The paragraph which particularly struck me was this one:

Throughout my life, I felt I could stand steadily on the foundation of the great Russian Culture. Nowadays, there is emptiness under my feet.

Also, the way he describes the silence of the Russian writers and other intelligentsia as “hosting regular events” and “pretending that nothing is happening.” That’s exactly how I feel when I read about cultural events or new productions in Russia: I can’t take it in that people “do normal things.” And yes, I am hypocritical, I know. And yes, I understand that living under permanent pressure is impossible, and a person’s mind finds ways to accept reality as a norm. And yes, I understand that I am making many people upset. And no, I do not think I am always right, and I do not think I have any moral right to criticize others. Still, I want to be honest and convey how I feel.

Link to the essay

More DNC Follow-up

Igor was at Union Park on the last day of the DNC and took lots of pictures. Usually, I post the link to his album and also post selected photos in my blog, but this time, I do not want to post any. Here is a link you can check out. And if you click it, you’ll probably realize why there are no pictures here.

I always strive to present an objective picture, and this time, an objective picture is not appealing: I do not want to multiply any Palestinian propaganda here. If you do not see these people and their posters, you might think there is some truth in what they say. But if you just take a look, there will be no mistake. That proves my point that these days, anybody who agitates people against Harris is an enemy of good. I do not know how else to put it – it literally means that this individual is on the dark side of things. And since I know that Igor captures such events with all possible objectivity, I can tell that there were way more supporters of the Palestinian extremists than anybody else. Ukrainians and their supporters, pro-choice activists and pro-life activists, communists, and socialists, all of them combined, made a lesser crowd than pro-Palestinian protesters. And I can’t get over it.

On a separate (but still DNC-related) topic, there were lots of comments about “CTA has done a great job keeping the stations clean.” I do not disagree with that; it was hard not to notice the unusual cleanliness. However, the immediate questions are: 1) why does it have to be a convention to make this change? 2) what did it cost in terms of time, labor, etc? I do not like shows like this, and I genuinely want these questions to be answered.

Today

Today, my twins turned thirty-three, and I have no idea when it happened 🙂 I even checked my calculation several times to ensure I was right!

Every year, on the day they are born, I tell myself and the rest of the world that having them was the best decision I ever made. Their presence in my life drove many of my decisions, which would have been drastically different otherwise.

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This week, I listened to “Moral Decision Making,” one of the Audible Great courses. Once again, the lecturer explained that what Boris and I did thirty-six years ago was completely and unquestionably morally wrong—not like I didn’t know it before. But that was the best thing that happened to both him and me. Not only because there won’t be Vlad and Anna otherwise but also because even thirty-six years later, I smile each time I think about him, and he smiles each time he thinks about me. And this is the most impossible thing in the world, which never happens :).

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