Category: reflections

Russian Lies #2

The second documentary of the ‘Russian Lies” series, this one is focused on Russian Literature. And once again, I can repeat word for word the same things I said in the comments on the first documentary: none of this was ever hidden or not accessible. Ever.

We all studied Pushkin, Lermontov, Tolstoy, and Dostoevsky at school. We all read (or at least were supposed to) the books in which the never-ending war on Caucuses was a centerpiece. And brave Russian officers fighting with violent Chechens were the heroes. And we never ever questioned that assumption. Pushin’s private letters were always available in the “Complete Works.” It fact, many of them were frequently cited during the Russian Literature lessons. There was no secret of how he felt about the expansion of Russian territories from Peter the Great onward.

We knew that Russian literature didn’t exist until the 18th century. The was a Tale of Igor’s Campaign at the end of the 12th century, and then pretty much nothing (with few exceptions) until the beginning of the 18th century. But as I already mentioned, the language of the “Tale” is not Russian; it’s an old Slavic language that later evolved into three separate East Slavic languages. The language of Shakespeare is archaic English, but nevertheless, it’s English, while the language of the Tale is not Russian.

A side note. It’s a stunningly beautiful piece of literature. I was so taken away by it when I first read it (I was not older than ten) that I started to learn it by heart. I read all the scientific comments and learned what each word meant (not what it sounded like). As a result, I hated all “officially recognized” poetic translations because I could spot inaccuracies immediately. I still can recite big chunks of it.

Back to the main topic. We didn’t study any literature except for Russian. The exception was my English school; if I remained there until graduation, I would have two semesters of English literature and two of American literature. However, I moved to a specialized mathematical school. I know that regular schools had a “foreign literature” semester in the 9th or 10th grade, so the students there had at least limited exposure. As for us, we were unlucky to have a very good literature teacher. It’s not a typo; she knew Russian literature very well, and we worshiped her. On Saturday afternoons after school, she read forbidden literature to us (not completely forbidden, but let’s say, not approved, such as Bulgakov, Leonid Andreev, or Akhmatova). We believed every word she said, and she was saying that Russian literature is the greatest (she had never read any foreign literature in its original language) and that there was not enough time in the curriculum for us to learn what she wanted us to learn, so to hell with any foreign literature.

This baggage was very difficult to get rid of; somehow, the modern “progressive” writers didn’t charm me that much; somehow, I was able to detect the imperial mindset more or less right away, but many of my friends didn’t.

OK, enough commenting – please watch the documentary.

What Makes One’s Life A Happy One?

I wrote this post three months ago, and meant to write a follow-up since then. I am not dismissing the importance of “magical moments” in our lives; they are important for happiness. And I agree that they can be very “uneventful.” For example, one of my most treasured memories is a moment when Boris was waiting for me outside the Orchestra Hall in Saint Petersburg, and when he saw me (it was still time when his vision was good enough to recognize me from a distance), his facial expression and body language were such that an older lady standing by him waiting for her party smiled. Or the one when we walked down the street in Moscow, and a man walking in the opposite direction said loudly: Look how much she loves you! I also understand that anybody would be happy with a surprise gift or a lovely message but I do not understand why these things might be more important than everything else, and I understand even less why the absence of something might be “magical.”

I think that the best thing that happened in my life was that for the past thirty-six years, I was with one person, and we shared all aspects of our lives and no matter how many differences we had and still have, we are there for each other.

Boris says there must be some cultural and historical context for my mom’s beliefs, and I tend to agree with him. I remember that as a teen and young adult, I loved the concept of a “have to be a strong woman.” One of the “bard” songs that I loved ended with the following verse:

You paint the sky blue, and you paint the rocks grey,

and then you paint men always strong, and women for sure weak.

But the sky is blue only sometimes, and those that are gey are not rocks,

so you have to be strong while you long to be weak.

I mentioned in this blog multiple times that it was commonplace for a man to exhibit some grand gestures to win a woman’s heart, and it’s not cool to accept somebody’s courting until such grand gestures are made. “A woman should be treated with respect” included opening and holding the door, helping with getting in and out of the outdoor coat, pulling the chair, carrying anything heavier than a purse, and all other things that meant a woman was “treated like a princess.” At the same time, within the same mind frame, it was assumed that when you are married, you have to take care of all your husband’s needs; you cook and clean, wash and iron the clothes, and do most of the shopping. I want to reiterate that men didn’t refuse: we just never thought about asking for help, at least my married friends and I.

Possibly, it was something like, “You will never be treated like royalty after you are married, so make sure you are treated like this once in your life.” Or, it was a weird mixture of the pre-revolutionary upper-class and lower-class household patterns.
I am left with the question, why did we believe we were “treated with respect.” We were not; presuming you are weak and must be assisted is not a sign of respect. Why did we rush to get married? Why did we rush to divorce? Why was a display of something more important than having actual feelings or help

It took me years to understand how wrong I was and even more years to internalize these ideas. And now, I need to come to terms with the fact that my mom is forever frozen in that historical mindset and not try to change it. Honestly, it might be OK with my mom, but when I hear the same nonsense from people my age or younger, I don’t know how to comment!

Hope Instead Of Cynicism

I really love this Time Magazine Essay: If Optimism Feels Ridiculous Now, Try Hope.

I love that it highlights the danger of cynicism, which I pointed out so many times recently, and I love that it explains the power of hope.

Although you can read the full text of the article below, as usual, I also wanted to highlight a very important paragraph:

Research clearly demonstrates that more than 80% of Americans—including Democrats and Republicans voters—would prefer greater peace between political parties; most respect democratic rule. Across surveys, a supermajority of the country support policies to protect poor people and the climate. But almost no one knows that.

Both Democrats and Republicans vastly overestimate how extreme, hateful, anti-democratic, and violent their opponents are. Media companies thrive on outrage, inundating us with extreme and inflammatory portrayals of the “other side.” When we uncritically consume these messages, we miss out on vast swaths of common ground that most Americans share.

That’s, by the way, what surveys were showing even before the elections, and that’s what votes were saying going to the polls. I am glad that I see more and more in-depth analysis of why Americans voted the way they voted. There is no time to cry. It’s time to get things done.

Continue reading “Hope Instead Of Cynicism” →

What Are Children For? A Book Review

I finished this book a while ago and didn’t give it any rating. I finally gave it three stars, but it’s not like “the book was worse than I anticipated.” I learned about this book from the Point Magazine newsletter – they ran several articles on that topic before the book was out, and it sounded interesting enough for me to invest in reading rather than listening :). As I said, I finished it a while ago, and still can’t formulate my opinion about it.

Maybe it would be better just to summarize my view on the subject: I do not understand what it is there to argue about. Some people want children (I was thinking about having children as the best thing that will eventually happen in my life since I was fifteen). Some people do not want children. Some people change their minds as life goes on. Some people want to have just one child, some want to have many and enjoy having many. Never in my life could I understand what’s the argument. As long as I can remember, I have always believed that all children should be wanted and that a woman should have as many or as few children as she is willing to have, including zero. End of story. End of argument. No judgment.

***

The authors, Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman, performed extensive research on the history of the subject, and I learned many new facts about how the choice of not having children was viewed throughout human history. In addition, they reviewed multiple literary works on that topic. Although I really appreciate them being so thorough, it felt almost “too much” with lots of repetitions. A disturbing part was the one where they cited responses to their survey. Some of the survey participants said that they would have children only if they were able to provide them with the same opportunities as they had as children, “including private tennis lessons.” (yes, that was one of the responses; I am not making it up!)

Again and again, I do not get why there should be any “whys” at all. Do some people want to make a good impression on others, or are they trying to fool themselves? I don’t know. There is a whole chapter about people who “do not want to bring children into this world when we have a global climate crisis.” It sounds so strange to me and so illogical.

In addition, again and again, I hear all the arguments about “you can’t have it all.” And when I read through some of the detailed explanations, I can see what these working mothers mean. One says: “Either I am making a Halloween costume for my child, or I am attending a meeting; I can’t do both simultaneously.” That makes me wonder, since when you are a bad mother if you do not hand-make a Halloween costume for your child? For several years, we had an agreement that I would hand-make a costume for only one of my three children, and the other two would have to either store-bought costumes or we would use some props we found at home. And if I ever emotionally scarred my children, it was for reasons other than not making Halloween costumes. (It’s also worth mentioning that I love making costumes, and it won’t be the case I won’t be making any! I think that too many working mothers impose unrealistic expectations on themselves regarding what is required from the perfect parent. And by the way, if you can’t be a mother for one kid and work, does it mean that you can’t be a good mother for two kids because each of them will only have half of you. And what if you have five?! It does not make sense :). Time is not additive 🙂

… I asked Anna whether she indeed thinks that motherhood affects women’s careers. She said: Oh, a hundred percent! I asked her: do you really think you would be making more money if you wouldn’t have kids? And she said: no, I would make less! Which is how I feel 🙂

Alternative opinions are welcome!

War Thoughts

We can survive pretty much anything Tram would try to do with our country. I am pretty sure about that, partially because of the usual percentage of pre-election promises being and not being realized and partially because I remember what Anna taught me about how the Congress works (and why it works that way).

There is only one thing that might be irreversible, and I am afraid of it – the betrayal of Ukraine. I believe that it may happen because I know that the business wants to end the war. Nobody from the business side of things wants the war, and the business does not care about what the end of the war will entail. No matter how much analysis is done, they still do not care about what will happen in two weeks, yet along, in several months.

I know that the call is to end the war, and if Trump would end the war the way he wants, it will mean that Ukraine as a state will cease to exist. I imagine that there are a lot of people who don’t care, but even if they don’t care about Ukraine they should understand that the next war will be inevitable. I probably shouldn’t mention that Biden’s decision regading the missiles usage is too late, and as much as I hope for the best, I don’t believe that any major wins are possible.

Everything else will be fine.

Thoughts

I heard a comment the other day that can be rephrased as a standard appeal to Puritan ethics: people do not want their money taken away and redistributed. This means that at least some well-off people believe that anybody who is in a bad financial situation got there because they didn’t work hard enough, tried hard enough, or whatever.

A day before I heard this comment, I talked to my friend, who is a retired special ed teacher. She worked all her life in a most noble profession. Still, she doesn’t have enough retirement income and has to work part-time, not because she wants to do something, but because without this extra income, it would be difficult for her to make ends meet. And that’s where I have a problem with the “it’s all their own fault” statement. There are many professions, many jobs like this. And we need to raise taxes to pay teaches salaries and pensions. And if we reduce public education to a level low enough that people who can afford a private education would opt for it, this will completely eliminate the concept of “equal opportunities” (yes, we already have districts with low education quality, but we should put an effort into resolving these problems, not exacerbating them).

I didn’t even start on another topic: even if somebody “didn’t work hard enough” or “didn’t save enough” is it morally acceptable to leave them without support when they need it?

And a final note, which should have probablybeen the first one. I hear people saying that they chose “the lesser of two evils.” What I do not understand it how these “evils” can be compared in terms “more” or “less.” They are very distinct, I would say, the opposite evils, meaning that you either find Trump’s policies evil or Kamala’s policies evil, that are not comparable in my opinion, which makes me think that people who choose “the lesser evil” do not really look in-depth on what they are choosing.

But I might be wrong as usual.

***

I am not going to vent about Tuesday. First, venting does not help, and second, as sad as it is, I can’t say it was unexpected. The mood in the office yesterday was gloomy, and the Finnish chocolate I brought came in handy. Yesterday was the day of our women’s circle meeting, and all of us came in like “meh,” but we decided to talk about positive things, and at the end, we all agreed that we would keep doing good and survive another four years.

As much as I always blame myself for all the bad things happening in the world, I do not blame myself that much for not doing canvassing. If there was anything I could do better, it was voicing my opinions, participating in meaningful discussions, and sharing information in all other possible ways. I am not even angry, not like in 2016, just focused on what I can do and what my priorities should be.

I think that the way Kamala Harris accepted her defeat and pledged to a peaceful transfer of power was the best thing she could do strengthen democracy and give an example of civilized behavior. Her speach was great, and I am so glad that she is not going to disappear from political stage.

Back to work. Back to life.

Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism

You 2.0: Fighting Despair

This Hidden Brain episode is called “Fighting Despair,” but I became really focused when it came to the second part: the cynicism and the skepticism as an alternative. Before I heard this episode, I never thought about a formal definition of these concepts. Here is how the psychologist Jamil Zaki defines them:

Continue reading “Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism” →

The Atomic Cafe 1982

I finally watched The Atomic Cafe, which was on my watchlist for the past two months recommended by Michael Roman. As usual, when the movie is the one I want to pay close attention to, I watch it one small piece at a time.

To summarize my reaction in one sentence: what a horror story! I had no idea that that’s how the US propaganda worked, and I am not even sure I should use a past tense here. The scariest part for me was not even the actual propaganda films with “no worries, the hair will grow back” and “it’s safe to get out after an explosion,” but the background country songs jokingly mentioning an atomic bomb, punishing Japan and all things related. Gives you a new perspective on the “Oppenheimer” movie and life in general. It’s worth noting that there is no narration and no commentary, just interviews, tv shows, and propaganda movies clips.

Must-see. Open access at the link above. Enjoy….

***

I talked to a co-worker the other day. He is not Russian, not Eastern European – nothing that would make him especially sensitive to the current political situation. I do not recall what prompted his comment about “as a Russian,” but I replied as usual that “it is not what defines me.” He proceeded with, “You are not denouncing your Russianness” and “It has nothing to do with this political situation.” It started to be more serious than a breakfast conversation in the cafeteria, but I couldn’t drop it at that point. I replied that I felt like I had everything to do with the situation because it’s my generation that didn’t follow up after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the dissolving of the Communist Party. It was my generation that let it go, and thereby I do feel responsible.

He said: I have Ukrainian neighbors on one side and Russian neighbors on the other side, and my Russian neighbors are afraid to speak Russian. And then he talked about his closest friends who are Russian and about some bets and about drinking. The latter one is a serious trigger point for me, so I said that this conversation was making me uncomfortable.

We both had to go to our desks, but I hope to continue this conversation with him. I want to ask him whether his Russian friends feel that they have something to do with what the Russian government does or if they do not think it is related to them. As for speaking Russian, I am acutely aware that at this moment in history, the Russian language for Ukrainians sounds like German during WWII for many European nations, so I do not think it’s appropriate to speak Russian in their presence (unless it’s their initiative).

Recently, I read an essay by Michael Shishkin – a Russian writer who is not at the top of the list either in Russia or internationally. I was deeply moved by this essay – my thoughts and words exactly. I agree with him that it is extremely important to understand that everybody born and raised in Russia, no matter how progressive or even radical was their upbringing, carries the baggage of imperialism. The paragraph which particularly struck me was this one:

Throughout my life, I felt I could stand steadily on the foundation of the great Russian Culture. Nowadays, there is emptiness under my feet.

Also, the way he describes the silence of the Russian writers and other intelligentsia as “hosting regular events” and “pretending that nothing is happening.” That’s exactly how I feel when I read about cultural events or new productions in Russia: I can’t take it in that people “do normal things.” And yes, I am hypocritical, I know. And yes, I understand that living under permanent pressure is impossible, and a person’s mind finds ways to accept reality as a norm. And yes, I understand that I am making many people upset. And no, I do not think I am always right, and I do not think I have any moral right to criticize others. Still, I want to be honest and convey how I feel.

Link to the essay