This Hidden Brain episode is called “Fighting Despair,” but I became really focused when it came to the second part: the cynicism and the skepticism as an alternative. Before I heard this episode, I never thought about a formal definition of these concepts. Here is how the psychologist Jamil Zaki defines them:
Continue reading “Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism”Category: reflections
The Atomic Cafe 1982
I finally watched The Atomic Cafe, which was on my watchlist for the past two months recommended by Michael Roman. As usual, when the movie is the one I want to pay close attention to, I watch it one small piece at a time.
To summarize my reaction in one sentence: what a horror story! I had no idea that that’s how the US propaganda worked, and I am not even sure I should use a past tense here. The scariest part for me was not even the actual propaganda films with “no worries, the hair will grow back” and “it’s safe to get out after an explosion,” but the background country songs jokingly mentioning an atomic bomb, punishing Japan and all things related. Gives you a new perspective on the “Oppenheimer” movie and life in general. It’s worth noting that there is no narration and no commentary, just interviews, tv shows, and propaganda movies clips.
Must-see. Open access at the link above. Enjoy….
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I talked to a co-worker the other day. He is not Russian, not Eastern European – nothing that would make him especially sensitive to the current political situation. I do not recall what prompted his comment about “as a Russian,” but I replied as usual that “it is not what defines me.” He proceeded with, “You are not denouncing your Russianness” and “It has nothing to do with this political situation.” It started to be more serious than a breakfast conversation in the cafeteria, but I couldn’t drop it at that point. I replied that I felt like I had everything to do with the situation because it’s my generation that didn’t follow up after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the dissolving of the Communist Party. It was my generation that let it go, and thereby I do feel responsible.
He said: I have Ukrainian neighbors on one side and Russian neighbors on the other side, and my Russian neighbors are afraid to speak Russian. And then he talked about his closest friends who are Russian and about some bets and about drinking. The latter one is a serious trigger point for me, so I said that this conversation was making me uncomfortable.
We both had to go to our desks, but I hope to continue this conversation with him. I want to ask him whether his Russian friends feel that they have something to do with what the Russian government does or if they do not think it is related to them. As for speaking Russian, I am acutely aware that at this moment in history, the Russian language for Ukrainians sounds like German during WWII for many European nations, so I do not think it’s appropriate to speak Russian in their presence (unless it’s their initiative).
Recently, I read an essay by Michael Shishkin – a Russian writer who is not at the top of the list either in Russia or internationally. I was deeply moved by this essay – my thoughts and words exactly. I agree with him that it is extremely important to understand that everybody born and raised in Russia, no matter how progressive or even radical was their upbringing, carries the baggage of imperialism. The paragraph which particularly struck me was this one:
Throughout my life, I felt I could stand steadily on the foundation of the great Russian Culture. Nowadays, there is emptiness under my feet.
Also, the way he describes the silence of the Russian writers and other intelligentsia as “hosting regular events” and “pretending that nothing is happening.” That’s exactly how I feel when I read about cultural events or new productions in Russia: I can’t take it in that people “do normal things.” And yes, I am hypocritical, I know. And yes, I understand that living under permanent pressure is impossible, and a person’s mind finds ways to accept reality as a norm. And yes, I understand that I am making many people upset. And no, I do not think I am always right, and I do not think I have any moral right to criticize others. Still, I want to be honest and convey how I feel.
More DNC Follow-up
Igor was at Union Park on the last day of the DNC and took lots of pictures. Usually, I post the link to his album and also post selected photos in my blog, but this time, I do not want to post any. Here is a link you can check out. And if you click it, you’ll probably realize why there are no pictures here.
I always strive to present an objective picture, and this time, an objective picture is not appealing: I do not want to multiply any Palestinian propaganda here. If you do not see these people and their posters, you might think there is some truth in what they say. But if you just take a look, there will be no mistake. That proves my point that these days, anybody who agitates people against Harris is an enemy of good. I do not know how else to put it – it literally means that this individual is on the dark side of things. And since I know that Igor captures such events with all possible objectivity, I can tell that there were way more supporters of the Palestinian extremists than anybody else. Ukrainians and their supporters, pro-choice activists and pro-life activists, communists, and socialists, all of them combined, made a lesser crowd than pro-Palestinian protesters. And I can’t get over it.
On a separate (but still DNC-related) topic, there were lots of comments about “CTA has done a great job keeping the stations clean.” I do not disagree with that; it was hard not to notice the unusual cleanliness. However, the immediate questions are: 1) why does it have to be a convention to make this change? 2) what did it cost in terms of time, labor, etc? I do not like shows like this, and I genuinely want these questions to be answered.
Today
Today, my twins turned thirty-three, and I have no idea when it happened 🙂 I even checked my calculation several times to ensure I was right!
Every year, on the day they are born, I tell myself and the rest of the world that having them was the best decision I ever made. Their presence in my life drove many of my decisions, which would have been drastically different otherwise.
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This week, I listened to “Moral Decision Making,” one of the Audible Great courses. Once again, the lecturer explained that what Boris and I did thirty-six years ago was completely and unquestionably morally wrong—not like I didn’t know it before. But that was the best thing that happened to both him and me. Not only because there won’t be Vlad and Anna otherwise but also because even thirty-six years later, I smile each time I think about him, and he smiles each time he thinks about me. And this is the most impossible thing in the world, which never happens :).
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Current Events On The Front
I kept quiet and didn’t want to jink it when things started to unfold last week, especially because even BBC was quiet. My friend Lena has relatives in Sumy, so she started to message me “did you hear the news” in the beginning of the week. At that time, her relatives experienced retaliation shelling from the Russian forces, and they had to shelter for over 24 hours.
When I visited Lena several days later, she said: I was hoping that now Russian people will understand something, but it doesn’t look like it! Unfortunately, I have to agree. Moreover, I am shocked with reactions of those few politicians who appeared to be normal so far. Now, all of a sudden, “you can’t be happy when your fellow citizen suffer” and “you can be against the current government, but you can be against people”.
I have no comment on that. None. Except for citing one more time late Frau Traudel: “Of course, we wanted Germany to be defeated!”
State Of Mind
First, there are a lot of stressful things going on in my professional (non-work) life, and I am trying to do two mutually exclusive things: still work on the issues that cause this stress because they should be resolved, and try not to think about them all the time because if I do, I can’t do anything else. Go figure!
Second, all the things going on in the world. I learned from my friend who has relatives in Ukraine in the area close to the war actions that Russian troops retaliated with severe shelling, which lasted for 28 hours. She was very scared for her relatives, and I can’t even imagine how she might feel.
And at the same time, life goes on. Our firm had a summer party today. I was glad that I could sit at the nice rooftop restaurant and relax, which I desperately needed during this super-stressful week. At the same time, I felt ginormous guilt for both relaxing at this rooftop and criticizing the limited selection of food while being aware of what’s going on in other parts of the world … I know it’s pathetic. I know it does not help anybody.
… this rooftop has flowers – right on the rooftop!!! They are planted around and separated from the rest of the floor by glass, and this piece of prairie on the seventeenth floor was one of the most amazing things I saw…
Surprise Visit, Planning, And Spontaneity
On Monday, I had a surprise visit with Anna and the girls. They stopped at my place on their way to John’s family summer house in MI, and I was overjoyed to hear that they were coming. I didn’t have any specific plans for that evening except for finishing several things I hadn’t finished over the weekend, but even if I did, I would rearrange them.
We had an amazing time, partially, I think, because of it being completely unplanned. When I told Boris about this surprise visit, he said that he was glad that Anna trains me in spontaneity. And that is something I want to keep enjoying.
At some point, I became too dependent on my plans and feeling unhappy when things are not going as planned. And while planning is a key to success, I always remember the day when I had my first ultrasound which revealed that I was having twins. To my gloomy: That’s a little bit unplanned, the technician replied: Sometimes unplanned economy can be very successful! She was alluding to the “socialist planned economy” v.s. “capitalist unplanned economy,” which made it especially funny. Yep, the most unplanned thing in my life was the best thing ever happened to me!
We Live In Pre-War Time
Boris cited one of the BBC commentators about us “living in pre-war time.” That was when we once again, for the hundredth time, talked about “Western countries trying to prevent a full-scale war.” And for the hundredth time, we talked about pre-WWII times and Czechoslovakia, and attempts “to prevent the full-scale war,” and how these attempts “to make things better” ended up making things worse.
And thinking about last week’s prisoner swap and what we now know about how it is related to Navalny’s murder – it’s basically the same thing. People involved in this process from the Western side were trying to do the best possible thing and stay up to their values, and that led to the murder and to Putin going unpunished.
And I don’t know why I am writing this for the hundredth time. I have enough evidence of businesses making extremely poor decisions in favor of “this very minute profit.” I have seen it for years, and I have very little hope that things like this will change. Not even in observable future, just – never.
More On Breaking Stereotypes And Old Patterns
Last weekend, when we talked with Lena about breaking the eating habits, she touched upon breaking away from other things we were taught froman early age. She told me: since I do not remember how early in my life, my grandmother used to tell me that when I have a family, I should attend to my husband’s needs first, then to kid’s needs, and then to my own. And I can second her – that was a universal idea.
In addition, even though we had the same access to higher education and theoretically the same access to jobs, all of us – all female I knew – regarded their love life being more important than professional career, more than anything, Marriage was definitely the first priority since our early teens, and none of us could ever possibly imagine a happy life without marriage. At the same time, most of us thought that a woman should follow her husband whever life moves him, and that sacrificing all our personal desires, for “what he needs” was in our books of “being a noble person.” We despised those women who “chose their comfort over sharing their husband’s hardships.” That’s why my extremely gifted friend, who for some reason, didn’t consider herself a “marriage material,” got married right before graduation and moved with her husband to Baikonur (where her first child died in birth). That’s why we had a had time understanding what was so heroic in the decision of the Decembrists’ wives to follow their husbands to Siberia.
Actually, I think that we just spend too much time on our personal life and relationships (and who woud’ve thought I would say that!). That was another thing we talked about with Lena, and she seconds me. The funniest part is that my current high professional status is in a strange way a result of me being focused on love and relationships too much in my earlier life – this triggered a long sequence of events which resulted in me being where I am.
Life is the strangest thing. And I am not free from stereotypes, although I try :). My kids are better 🙂
Hettie's Reflections 