On family history, parenting, education, social issues and more
Author: Hettie D.
My name is Henrietta (Hettie) Dombrovskaya. I was born in Saint-Petersburg, Russian (actually, back then – Leningrad, USSR) in 1963, and immigrated to the United States in 1996.
I love Saint Petersburg, the city I was born and raised in, and I think it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world. Similarly (but differently) I love Chicago, and can’t imagine myself moving somewhere else in the observable future.
I have three children, Igor, Vlad and Anna, all adults living on their own, and one (so far) granddaughter Nadia. I also believe that my children are the best thing that happened in my life.
As for my professional life, I am working in the field of Information Technologies. When I was twenty, I’ve declared that the databases are the coolest thing invented and that I want to do them for the rest of my life. Thirty plus years later, I still believe it’s true, and still, believe that the databases are the best. These two statements together imply that I think a person can have it all, and indeed, I think so! Keep reading my journals to find out how I did it.
Last Monday, it was suddenly so warm that I decided to go biking. The necessity to bike on the roads has one great advantage – the roads are the first to be cleared from the snow, and you do not need to wait an extra couple of weeks until the snow melts.
It was warm and foggy, and everything around looked a little bit surreal in the mist.
But when I finally reached the starting point of the Lake Front Trail, I saw a picture which was not “a little bit” but very surreal!
If you stood here on a clear day, you would see Lake Michigan – up to the horizon. But on Monday, all you could see was a wall of fog and ice and snow along the shoreline.
I made some progress with Mom’s medical appointments in the past two months. First, we met with the social worker, who talked with her about the Power of Attorney and Advanced Directives. She sent us a copy of the document to review with mom and sign it.
Since the doctor suggested it, mom could not object to discussing this uncomfortable topic. Previously she was always like, “I do not want to talk about it; I didn’t give it a thought.” Now, she had no choice but review :). Then, we met with a geriatric specialist. I wanted to arrange that for a long time because I am never sure whether I am too alarmed when mom forgets things or the opposite – I do not notice when it’s time to be alarmed.
We talked for a very long time. On the one hand, there was some reassurance that things were not that bad. On the other hand, they do not have a baseline. For them, the fact that mom does not forget to turn the gas off, can cook, and shop for her groceries is enough to conclude that she is in decent shape. I know, however, that these are very basic skills for her that will be there the longest. We will see how things will progress.
Another progress was with her hearing aid – she was seen by a high-skilled professional, ee=vverything free, everything without long waits. Now we are waiting for t=her new hearing devices to be ready. The place where they are made is Russian-speaking, but she still has so much trouble understanding what she is asked that I had to call them back afterward to clarify several things. (I could not go with herl Igor did, and he was sure she understood the questions, which was a wrong assumption).
I do not want to take her for a vision test until she has her new hearing aid, which will most likely happen later in spring.
Today, I tried not to be hysterical but to focus and do something. I only succeeded partially, but I at least crossed a couple of items off my list in the past two hours.
We had a Wellness Friday today, an extra day off, which we have once a month. I still had to do some work because I started to help on one project, and the customer wanted the case closed today. So I helped last night, even though I took a half-day off to go to Palatine, and also for several hours today.
Work needs to be done; both work as what I am paid for and all my professional work outside the place of employment. I am a leader, and people look out for me. Repeating to myself, “there is nothing I can help with” does not provide any extra opportunities for help and produces no positive outcome. I can be aware of the biggest injustice in today’s world, but keep doing things instead of sitting paralyzed.
Multiple commentators on the radio said that sanctions wouldn’t help. I am very well aware of that. In fact, I always explained to others why sanctions never work like planned, and never in history would sanctions make dictators, oppressors, and intruders change their ways. Never. However, today I thought that although sanctions won’t help, we owe them to the people of Ukraine. That’s the way of showing our support.
If the reports are accurate, and the UK was indeed able to freeze Putin’s accounts specifically, that sounds great. Although again, it would be a red cape shown to the bull. To recap this day, I will do my best to do work, be productive, help those whom I can help, and keep looking for ways to change the world.
I hope even though it hardly matters. And “so that I could feel better” is a lame excuse for wanting something. Total helplessness. Two comments I left on other social media.
I am contemplating renouncing my Russian citizenship (I am a dual citizen). The only thing which stops me is that the total cost of the formal process is about $1K, and I do not want to give it to the Russian government
In addition to $1K, there are several pieces of documentation that are close to impossible to obtain, so this cry is unfortunately only wishful thinking.
And another on the Instagram:
It was sad to observe yesterday that only the Ukrainian community rallied against the aggression, but I hope that it will change today, and a whole city will rise to condemn the invasion
There were two horrible comments which I removed and blocked the author. I do not want to write anything on Russian social media.
I woke up this morning, and the first thing I saw on my phone was a red dot from the BBC app. By the way, I do not know why it is considered so bad to have a phone by your bed and check it the first thing you wake up. I need to know what happened in the world while I was asleep and what happened with my loved ones. So I saw it right away and called Boris immediately. Regardless of what problems might happen to us (visa renewal, etc.) – these problems are minor and unimportant compared to the horrific situation in general. There are no words to describe it. Boris is saying it’s NATO’s fault – they should have let Ukraine in a week ago, but the process was not even initiated… Everybody’s fault… and mine as well.
I can’t write about anything, even though I have things to write about. The morning news paralyzed me; not like it was unexpected, not like it was sudden.
It does not often happen that the international news is on the top of the daily news in this country (that’s why I alternate with BBC). But today was the day when all the news broadcasts started similarly.
However, most people go on with their lives even when they are aware of the horrible things happening in other parts of the world. And that’s normal. One can be aware of the wolds injustices and still live their lives, and in most cases, I do the same.
Still, being a dual citizen, I can’t not feel responsible for what is happening. I feel like I felt that morning many years ago, before cell phones and ebooks. The morning, when I stood at the platform in Palatine waiting for the train and had a Chicago Tribune in my hands. I felt that each person on the platform holding the newspaper was reading about the Kursk submarine, and I was ashamed of what they were reading about.
Today I feel it even more than twenty-one years ago. I have too many emotions and not enough words—shame, anger, worries, helplessness – none of this is even close to what I felt for a long time. I know that sitting paralyzed won’t help anybody and anything, and I have to come up with more productive ways to support the right cause. So help me, God.
Can you think of any better February Sunday morning than ice skating?! I left the house at 8-30 and was ready to step on the ice right after resurfacing. The best skating is at the end of the season when there is enough sun, and you can take your jacket off. And the morning ice is as smooth as glass, and you can dance on it.
Now that my left leg and hip do not hurt anymore no matter how long I skate, I have to force myself off the ice. I could skate until the next resurfacing, but I had lots of things waiting to be done, so I stopped after fifty minutes:)
On Saturday, we had another Chicago Adventures day. Anna, Nadia, and Kira came to Chicago for a day. I bought two tickets for “Peter and the Wolf” in CSO, and this time, I went with Nadia, and Anna and Kira explored the Art Institute while waiting for us.
The day started a little bit catastrophic. The CSO requires all unvaccinated patrons to show a recent COVID test. For PCR, it can be a day old, and for antigen, it has to be three hours before the show. Anna took Nadia for the test the day before, but the results were not ready by the evening (and neither did they come Saturday morning). Anna called the CSO guest service, and they assured her that there are several pharmacies very close to CSO, where they could get a COVID test right before the show. I was a bit skeptical, knowing that many places in the Loop are closed during the weekend, but there was not that much choice.
The train arrived on time, so we had an hour and a half before the show, and we started walking in the direction of the CSO. We didn’t see any opened pharmacies on the way, so we headed to the Walgreens closest to CSO. It was open, but we saw that the pharmacy itself was closed for the weekend when we came inside. That was concerning, but we still had both time and hope. I asked an associate where the closest Walgreens is to get a COVID test, and he said: two blocks North. It was in the opposite direction to the CSO, but at least we thought we would get it done. Nadia was doing great walking with almost no complaints.
When we reached this other Walgreens, it turned out that… yes, their pharmacy window was closed, too! We had no time to go anywhere else, so Anna bought an at-home test from Abbot’s Lab, installed the app on her phone, and we opened it right there on the pharmacy floor :). Anna swabbed Nadia’s nose and started the test. We didn’t have time to wait for the required fifteen minutes, so we started walking towards the CSO, and I was trying to hold the test horizontally :). The test was ready just when we reached the CSO. It was not so easy to show the test results on the phone while the phone had to stay with Anna :), but we managed.
I can’t tell for sure whether these pictures were taken in spring 1968 or later in the fall after we returned from Loo, but most likely in spring.
As in many other cases, they were taken during my father’s visits with me. One the first of these visits, he came close to the end of my afternoon nap time (there was no option of going to bed without changing into a nightgown, even though I didn’t sleep).
I can’t get this thought out of my head since … well, since that realization. It started as a joke. In October, Boris was invited to be an official reviewer for one Finnish Ph.D. candidate. That was the first time he participated in such a ceremony in Finland, and yes, it was more a ceremony than anything else. He has to rent a tuxedo and a white tie, and pretty much the whole wardrobe for this event. The people in the renting place verified that he didn’t need to have white gloves for that occasion, and he said that it was a pity because those gloves felt so nice on the hands, and there would be no more opportunity because he couldn’t imagine any events with dancing. I told him: you missed an opportunity at Anna’s wedding, so now you’ll have to wait till Nadia’s wedding day. And he said: no, I won’t live that long. First, I thought – oh, he’s just saying things, and replied – why not? He said that it would be at least twenty-four more years until she gets married with the current trends. I replied, still without much thinking and still half-jokingly: so what? He said: nobody on my side of the family lived that long. I would be ninety-five by then. And then I realized that he was right! And it struck me because I am sure I will live till Nadia’s wedding day. And although I was preparing myself for the fact that I would be alone for many years of my life, I suddenly realized that it is not an abstraction anymore.
In some sense, it is not bad because now we care more for each other and try not to hurt each other’s feelings. Also, Boris bought a new phone arm/stand, and we had a photo session we didn’t have for thirty-three years at least. Not to share with anybody, but to keep it to ourselves.
And there is one more thing I mentioned before. It happened again last week that I didn’t realize right away that the person approaching me was Boris. We walked together to mom’s place, but Boris didn’t plan to come in, so he walked back home, making a loop to the west. I stayed and mom’s place for a little bit and walked back home. We ended up coming to the gates together, but from different directions, and I didn’t expect to see him outside. It was already getting dark, and I thought to myself – is this older man coming to our building? I unlocked the gate and held it, and then I realized that it was Boris. And same as before, the moment I realize that it’s him feels like a turn of a lens in my eye, and suddenly, it’s not an older man, but a person who is everything for me.
Hettie's Reflections 