On family history, parenting, education, social issues and more
Author: Hettie D.
My name is Henrietta (Hettie) Dombrovskaya. I was born in Saint-Petersburg, Russian (actually, back then – Leningrad, USSR) in 1963, and immigrated to the United States in 1996.
I love Saint Petersburg, the city I was born and raised in, and I think it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world. Similarly (but differently) I love Chicago, and can’t imagine myself moving somewhere else in the observable future.
I have three children, Igor, Vlad and Anna, all adults living on their own, and one (so far) granddaughter Nadia. I also believe that my children are the best thing that happened in my life.
As for my professional life, I am working in the field of Information Technologies. When I was twenty, I’ve declared that the databases are the coolest thing invented and that I want to do them for the rest of my life. Thirty plus years later, I still believe it’s true, and still, believe that the databases are the best. These two statements together imply that I think a person can have it all, and indeed, I think so! Keep reading my journals to find out how I did it.
I hope even though it hardly matters. And “so that I could feel better” is a lame excuse for wanting something. Total helplessness. Two comments I left on other social media.
I am contemplating renouncing my Russian citizenship (I am a dual citizen). The only thing which stops me is that the total cost of the formal process is about $1K, and I do not want to give it to the Russian government
In addition to $1K, there are several pieces of documentation that are close to impossible to obtain, so this cry is unfortunately only wishful thinking.
And another on the Instagram:
It was sad to observe yesterday that only the Ukrainian community rallied against the aggression, but I hope that it will change today, and a whole city will rise to condemn the invasion
There were two horrible comments which I removed and blocked the author. I do not want to write anything on Russian social media.
I woke up this morning, and the first thing I saw on my phone was a red dot from the BBC app. By the way, I do not know why it is considered so bad to have a phone by your bed and check it the first thing you wake up. I need to know what happened in the world while I was asleep and what happened with my loved ones. So I saw it right away and called Boris immediately. Regardless of what problems might happen to us (visa renewal, etc.) – these problems are minor and unimportant compared to the horrific situation in general. There are no words to describe it. Boris is saying it’s NATO’s fault – they should have let Ukraine in a week ago, but the process was not even initiated… Everybody’s fault… and mine as well.
I can’t write about anything, even though I have things to write about. The morning news paralyzed me; not like it was unexpected, not like it was sudden.
It does not often happen that the international news is on the top of the daily news in this country (that’s why I alternate with BBC). But today was the day when all the news broadcasts started similarly.
However, most people go on with their lives even when they are aware of the horrible things happening in other parts of the world. And that’s normal. One can be aware of the wolds injustices and still live their lives, and in most cases, I do the same.
Still, being a dual citizen, I can’t not feel responsible for what is happening. I feel like I felt that morning many years ago, before cell phones and ebooks. The morning, when I stood at the platform in Palatine waiting for the train and had a Chicago Tribune in my hands. I felt that each person on the platform holding the newspaper was reading about the Kursk submarine, and I was ashamed of what they were reading about.
Today I feel it even more than twenty-one years ago. I have too many emotions and not enough words—shame, anger, worries, helplessness – none of this is even close to what I felt for a long time. I know that sitting paralyzed won’t help anybody and anything, and I have to come up with more productive ways to support the right cause. So help me, God.
Can you think of any better February Sunday morning than ice skating?! I left the house at 8-30 and was ready to step on the ice right after resurfacing. The best skating is at the end of the season when there is enough sun, and you can take your jacket off. And the morning ice is as smooth as glass, and you can dance on it.
Now that my left leg and hip do not hurt anymore no matter how long I skate, I have to force myself off the ice. I could skate until the next resurfacing, but I had lots of things waiting to be done, so I stopped after fifty minutes:)
On Saturday, we had another Chicago Adventures day. Anna, Nadia, and Kira came to Chicago for a day. I bought two tickets for “Peter and the Wolf” in CSO, and this time, I went with Nadia, and Anna and Kira explored the Art Institute while waiting for us.
The day started a little bit catastrophic. The CSO requires all unvaccinated patrons to show a recent COVID test. For PCR, it can be a day old, and for antigen, it has to be three hours before the show. Anna took Nadia for the test the day before, but the results were not ready by the evening (and neither did they come Saturday morning). Anna called the CSO guest service, and they assured her that there are several pharmacies very close to CSO, where they could get a COVID test right before the show. I was a bit skeptical, knowing that many places in the Loop are closed during the weekend, but there was not that much choice.
The train arrived on time, so we had an hour and a half before the show, and we started walking in the direction of the CSO. We didn’t see any opened pharmacies on the way, so we headed to the Walgreens closest to CSO. It was open, but we saw that the pharmacy itself was closed for the weekend when we came inside. That was concerning, but we still had both time and hope. I asked an associate where the closest Walgreens is to get a COVID test, and he said: two blocks North. It was in the opposite direction to the CSO, but at least we thought we would get it done. Nadia was doing great walking with almost no complaints.
When we reached this other Walgreens, it turned out that… yes, their pharmacy window was closed, too! We had no time to go anywhere else, so Anna bought an at-home test from Abbot’s Lab, installed the app on her phone, and we opened it right there on the pharmacy floor :). Anna swabbed Nadia’s nose and started the test. We didn’t have time to wait for the required fifteen minutes, so we started walking towards the CSO, and I was trying to hold the test horizontally :). The test was ready just when we reached the CSO. It was not so easy to show the test results on the phone while the phone had to stay with Anna :), but we managed.
I can’t tell for sure whether these pictures were taken in spring 1968 or later in the fall after we returned from Loo, but most likely in spring.
As in many other cases, they were taken during my father’s visits with me. One the first of these visits, he came close to the end of my afternoon nap time (there was no option of going to bed without changing into a nightgown, even though I didn’t sleep).
I can’t get this thought out of my head since … well, since that realization. It started as a joke. In October, Boris was invited to be an official reviewer for one Finnish Ph.D. candidate. That was the first time he participated in such a ceremony in Finland, and yes, it was more a ceremony than anything else. He has to rent a tuxedo and a white tie, and pretty much the whole wardrobe for this event. The people in the renting place verified that he didn’t need to have white gloves for that occasion, and he said that it was a pity because those gloves felt so nice on the hands, and there would be no more opportunity because he couldn’t imagine any events with dancing. I told him: you missed an opportunity at Anna’s wedding, so now you’ll have to wait till Nadia’s wedding day. And he said: no, I won’t live that long. First, I thought – oh, he’s just saying things, and replied – why not? He said that it would be at least twenty-four more years until she gets married with the current trends. I replied, still without much thinking and still half-jokingly: so what? He said: nobody on my side of the family lived that long. I would be ninety-five by then. And then I realized that he was right! And it struck me because I am sure I will live till Nadia’s wedding day. And although I was preparing myself for the fact that I would be alone for many years of my life, I suddenly realized that it is not an abstraction anymore.
In some sense, it is not bad because now we care more for each other and try not to hurt each other’s feelings. Also, Boris bought a new phone arm/stand, and we had a photo session we didn’t have for thirty-three years at least. Not to share with anybody, but to keep it to ourselves.
And there is one more thing I mentioned before. It happened again last week that I didn’t realize right away that the person approaching me was Boris. We walked together to mom’s place, but Boris didn’t plan to come in, so he walked back home, making a loop to the west. I stayed and mom’s place for a little bit and walked back home. We ended up coming to the gates together, but from different directions, and I didn’t expect to see him outside. It was already getting dark, and I thought to myself – is this older man coming to our building? I unlocked the gate and held it, and then I realized that it was Boris. And same as before, the moment I realize that it’s him feels like a turn of a lens in my eye, and suddenly, it’s not an older man, but a person who is everything for me.
We have had a severe weather warning for today since two days ago. It was supposed to be 7 inches of snow and strong wind, and it was all supposed to last from Wednesday evening till Thursday evening.
The winds part was there. As for the snow, it was all rain yesterday, and today the snow only started after 2 PM (and it was over before 9 PM).
When I heard on the radio that there were going to be high waves on the lake, I ran out of the house to see them. It turned out I was not alone, and other people were taking way more risky positions to take pictures of the waves.
I didn’t want to risk my life, but I think my videos are still very impressive :).
Also, tonight was a CSO concert I was going to. I was fine taking the CTA, but my friend and her husband were driving from the burbs, and it took them twice longer than they planned. Good thing we planned a pre-concert dinner! And good thing I suggested we would meet at the Gage two hours before the concert, so even with the weather-related delay we were fine.
It looked like many people chose to skip the concert due to the weather; there were many empty seats in the audience. When maestro Muti came on stage, he addressed the audience: all of those who came – you are brave people, and you really love music!
The concert was fantastic, with Mitsuko Uchida in Beethoven’s 4th piano concerto, and with the first time performed by CSO Glass’ 11th symphony. (In fact, this concert was a part of “By the Glass” series advertised by Siskel Center). It was such unusual music… and it was so Muti! It felt like it was written just for him to conduct it!
I asked mom whether she remembers why we chose Loo, did she know anybody there, and how she found these landlords who rented a room for us. She does not remember, so there is no way to find out. neither how the arrangements were made, nor how much it cost.
I remember walking to the house, which will become our temporary home for a month. It must have been a five-story building, and I think we lived on the third floor. The owners rented all the rooms they had during the season. I remember that the owners slept on the couch in the living room. They had three children – two older boys and a girl around my age named Ania. Most likely, they got their apartment from the government because they had three children, but I can’t recall where all these children slept when they rented all the rooms except for the living room. Since the people were moving in and out, mom and I spent the first two nights on the huge balcony and then moved into a small room with two twin beds and a desk.
We had breakfast at home in the morning; then, we would go to the beach and stay there till noon (no sunscreen in existence). I saw these beaches from the train window; I had never seen anything like that before – they were covered with flat pebble stones instead of sand. We stayed inside for the hottest hours, and then we would go to the beach again until dinner time. Usually, we had dinner in a cafeteria by the beach and then often returned to watch a sunset.
Afternoon napAt the beach
I was not tired of that repetitiveness – everything was new to me!. The Black sea, the beach, the mountains which started right behind a narrow strip of houses, the abundance of fruits at the market, the corn on the cob sold right at the beach from large buckets – ten kopecks an ear. I am skeptical about the medical benefits of this trip, but it made great memories.
My historical posts are being published in random order. Please refer to the page Hettie’s timeline to find where exactly each post belongs and what was before and after.
Usually, I reblog from this platform to LinkedIn, but today it’s the opposite. My interview with Postgres Life was published on Monday (yet another Valentine’s Day gift), and was already publicized on LinkedIn before I knew, so I had to reply on LinkedIn directly,
Hettie's Reflections 