This blog post, authored by someone I know professionally and personally, provoked many thoughts in me. While I completely agree with the idea that life shapes us and that the ability to overcome challenges builds character, I can’t fully agree with the statement that without necessity there is no drive and without struggle there is no “self.”
In fact, I repeatedly come across research showing that children from more privileged, more financially secure families have a greater chance of excelling academically and later in the workplace. That’s because their parents can provide them with opportunities for development, support their natural curiosity, and expose them to a variety of experiences. Granted, it’s not enough to have the means to support your children’s development; parents should have the right focus and right priorities. However, when money is tight, you are indeed focused on survival, and have no cycles to even think about children’s extracurricular activities, even if there are options of signing them up for free.
Financial stability is not the same as stagnation. Yes, a person might be aimless, have no goals in life, and pursue no interests when they “have everything.” But I strongly believe it’s not because they “have everything,” but because their curiosity was not encouraged and they were not challenged to reach out to the stars.
My children attended YMCA summer camps for several summers. These camps cost a fortune, especially multiplied by three. During our first summer in the US, I applied for financial assistance, and we were given 50% off. It was still way more than I could afford, and I borrowed money from people who cared about me and wanted to support me. I paid off my debt in six months. Next year, I will be better off and able to afford the camp without going into debt. Regardless of whether it was a struggle, my children benefited greatly from this opportunity.
I do not think life should be a struggle. Suffering does not make us better. Challenges do. And one more thought: when people ask me what the secret of my success is, and where I find the energy to do everything I am doing, I am always saying: I do only things I want to do, and never the things that I do not want but “have to do.” Although I often say that I had to teach my kids to be independent, walk and bike to their activities, cook and wash their clothes “because I didn’t have a choice,” this was still a choice :). The necessity was coming from wanting to do something else :), both for my kids and me.
Hettie's Reflections 