On Thursday, I was going to an early-morning escorting shift. When I entered the car at Jarvis, an older man sitting diagonally from where I headed asked me something. I have to admit, shamefully, that, given the time (6:05 AM) and the location, I expected him to be one of those folks who spend nights on CTA and thought he would be catching up on sleep, but he was wide awake and asked me something. I turned to him to hear better what he was asking.
— Are you a teacher?
I paused for a brief second. Am I?
— Oh, I used to be a teacher! Not anymore, but you know, once a teacher – forever a teacher.
— I thought so! And what did you teach when you were a teacher?
— Math!
— Mathematics?
— Yes, and later some information technologies.
— Or, so you were a high school math teacher? Calculus and such, not just elementary math!
— Yes!
— And what are you doing now?
That question made me pause for a little bit longer.
— Well, I am still doing information technology. Information management. Databases.
— Oh, so you keep our information safe from all these agents?
— That as well, among other things.
— Nice! I have teachers in my family; that’s why I figured it out right away!
He kept going, but by that time it became really loud in the car, since we started passing a noisy area. I knew he was eager to continue the conversation, but with my limited comprehension of AAVE and the increasing noise, I could only smile and nod, so he wished me well and, after “nice talking to you,” moved back.
The first three weeks of not working were complicated. Somehow, I felt both relieved and super-stressed at the same time. I reminded myself that for weeks prior to my termination, I thought about stopping working immediately pretty much all the time, and I knew I was happy not to be there anymore. And at the same time, I felt so stressed that some nights I could barely sleep.
In situations like that, I try to identify exactly what worries me and address that concern first. I knew I had enough money to retire; we discussed it with my wealth manager, and I knew 1.5 years earlier wouldn’t make a dramatic difference. One thing was healthcare. I hadn’t planned to retire before I became Medicare-eligible, and now I faced almost a year with no coverage. I felt a little bit better when I realized that even if I had self-pay COBRA for all that time, it would still be manageable because I have no dependents, and that calmed me down for a while. Then I talked to my wealth manager, and he confirmed again that I can retire in January if I want. His calculations on how much I will be able to spend each month sounded very conservative to me, but his plan was for me to leave a fortune after I pass away, which was not in my plans, so I figured that if I do not plan to leave 2 M behind, I can spend pretty much the same as I do now.
Another thing was the void of “doing nothing.” Once again, in the weeks before that, I told myself and others I had so much to do, and the thing I wanted to do least was work, so I wanted to stop working. I knew I wanted to work part-time anyway, so I started working part-time for my good friend and peer, to whom I promised a long time ago I’d do some consulting when I retired. However, onboarding with his client took forever, and I realized I missed the drama of crisis resolution.
At the same time, several other things were developing. Shortly before I left my previous job, three different people reached out to me with some potential job opportunities, and all three were interesting in some way, so I started talking to them, still not being 100% sure whether I wanted to go full-time.
One of these opportunities didn’t work right away; the other two were going, and I strongly felt about one of these two. During the interviews, I felt that that was the right match, and I thought that if this company would make me an offer, I would accept. Then, to my complete disappointment, they said they were going with someone else, but they were planning to open another position soon. At that point, I decided to reveal my availability on LinkedIn. I was still unsure, but I thought that possibly someone I knew would have an interesting project I could do part-time. I made a post as broad as possible, and I can tell right away I didn’t like what followed.
For the benefit of my friends who follow my life trajectory on this blog – this conference is busier than anything I had before!
I hardly wrote a line in the past two days, and even when I get to the hotel room, I have to send a whole bunch of not-exactly-personal emails, mostly related to PG DATA and my meetups.
The weirdest and funniest thing happened to me in Chicago last week.
I was waiting for a Red Line train at Roosevelt when I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a very queer person coming down. Queerness isn’t unusual, of course, but this particular outfit was not exactly for the weather (I would question a bare chest at 67 F outside, but whatever). He sat down on a bench to wait for a train, and suddenly, he addressed me: “Excuse me, are you doing SQL?”
I am used to people noticing my laptop on the CTA, and even recognizing me, but my laptop was inside my backpack. I nervously looked down at my clothes, but I didn’t even wear a Postgres hoodie or anything with Blue Elephant on it. Finally, I replied, “What exactly do you mean?”
— You are running this SQL thing on Wednesdays, don’t you?
— Yes, I am! But how do you know? I do not have anything that says “Postgres” on me.
— I’ve been to your events a couple of times. I remember you; it just took me some time to place you.
We talked a little bit about my meetup and others. I am so embarrassed that I do not remember people (and yes, he didn’t come to our meetups in a pink tutu, but still). As it turns out, I don’t even remember many people I briefly communicated with at my former firm. When they reach out on LinkedIn and say we talked, I often can’t recall either the conversation or the person, and I feel horrible about it. And no, that’s not the “I am way too popular” thing; it’s just something I need to work on.
How can I be so busy when I do not even have a full-time job? It’s a mystery, but that’s what is happening!
A quick week’s recap.
Monday – the Neighbor Night at the Chicago Architectural Center:
Tuesday:
Morning biking, intense conference prep, and PG DATA org committee meeting:
Wednesday:
Checking out a second Amorino location (it’s in the Rookery Building, beautiful, cozy, no lines! Loved it!) Joint meetup with the Chicago Ruby User Group, went great!
Thursday:
Clinic escort in the morning and CSO concert in the evening (Klaus Makela one more time).
Friday:
Multiple meetings on different topics, frantic packing until the time I had to leave for the airport, and a cherry on top: I forgot my passport and had to return home from Belmont! At that point, I had no choice but to get an Uber, which I try to avoid unless there is absolutely no other option, but there was no other option. And I spent more time in the security line than getting to the airport!
Completely random photos from my neighborhood:
Jarvis Square is ready for HalloweenSeeing on the Red Line
For the whole second half of August, I dreaded coming to work. It was not like any specific individual I dreaded, but the whole situation. My work life was split into two uneven pieces. One was the good feeling of being helpful to the customers. This feeling also came with bitterness, because in most cases they only reached out when a crisis was imminent, and even then, I could rarely convince them to make substantial changes to their systems. Everyone would choose a band-aid instead of proper healing. But at least I could resolve major crises. Each time, customers would send me a Slack message: “Thank you, Hettie!” I would tell them, jokingly, but not really jokingly: Please review us on Google. I knew no one above me in the chain of command would ever see these “Thank you” messages.
And the rest of my work life was absolutely Kafkian. When you feel like everyone around you is going insane, it’s very difficult to keep believing in yourself and not question your own sanity. For all these last two weeks, when no one in my group talked to me, I had only one thought: I want to retire immediately. I can’t wait till I turn 65. I can’t be in the office anymore. I am not going to do Postgres anymore. I told one of my fellow escorts during a shift that if it wasn’t for health insurance, I would quit on the spot.
And then, suddenly, it was granted. In the most bizarre way possible, it was granted. I feel blessed Boris was there with me then, because I was going through an emotional storm. On the one hand, I got exactly what I was wishing for for several weeks. On the other hand, the brakes were hit too suddenly, and I came to a stop from running at 100 MPH, and I wasn’t the one driving. The real blessing was that we got more time together than we planned, and it happened at the best possible time of the year – at the end of summer. We were able to go on more long bike rides together than we ever could. I went to the beach every day (less hopelessly rainy days). I was thankful for the place I live more than ever before, if that is possible. In a week, I achieved my long-time goal of getting 6 hours of sleep (although now I think that 5.5 is still what I need most nights).
Overall, it was a gift, but the fact that I didn’t have time to fully plan the exit presented several challenges – more on that coming soon!
I started this post three days ago, when I truly believed the title reflected the reality. It does not look like it as of now, but I am going to keep it anyway and continue from where I started.
I am not working at DRW anymore. I took some time before I made the world know, but since I already announced it on LinkedIn, I thought I would let people know here. (I meant to publish this post before I shared it on LinkedIn, but then life happened :))
Several years ago, I thought I would retire at 67. After working at DRW for a couple of years, I adjusted my plans and decided to retire at 65. My wealth manager approved it, as long as I still worked part-time.
For the past several months, however, it was so emotionally challenging that I dreaded coming to work (which is absolutely not my normal state of mind), and I thought that the only thing I wished for was to retire immediately.
Since, as I said, it ended up being anything but a pause, I do not want to say more at the moment. I promise to share more details in a couple of weeks. Now I am posting just so that people who know me in real life don’t think I am withholding important information from them. As of now, I barely have time to do anything, including things I was hoping to have time for. I will tell more; I promise!
– My granddaughter met a couple of European girls in college and became friends with them. You know – now it’s cool to be European! People are saying: Awww, she is European! And in the past, it was the opposite, and everyone wanted to be American. I didn’t want to be Hungarian or Austrian. All my parents’ friends were from Austria, and I didn’t even want to stay at home when they had people over! I wanted to be American, and I would get out of the house and go out with my American friends. And it’s so different now!
Talking about her divorced son and his interactions with his children:
— He is so frustrated that he doesn’t see them enough and isn’t building relationships with them. When we were young, there was no such thing. You were not supposed to be friends with your kids. Now, my daughter and her daughter are friends. And when we were young, it was not even a question. Kids were supposed to do what their parents tell them, have good grades, and stay out of trouble. And nobody even thought of building relationships!
Just to be clear, she doesn’t think it’s a bad thing that kids are friends with their parents nowadays. She likes it, but she sees this difference, and I think it’s commendable that she sees it as a positive thing.
***
Talking with my other friend, whose daughter went to college in one of the Southern States.
— She is telling me: mom, the other girls arrived, and they all look the same! Like twins! All the same white blondes. You know how she’s used to seeing all different faces at her high school, and now she is: where is diversity?!
***
Having a conversation at work in the cafeteria. One of my co-workers wants to downsize after the last child departs for college, and reasons that he has very few options since he lives by the lake. I nod energetically, but two of our other co-workers who do not live by the lake are mildly puzzled.
— What do you mean? You mean, you have a good view?
— No, he means “living by the lake!”
— So the air? The climate? Is it better?
— No, it’s not about it. It’s “living by the lake.” It’s a thing!
My co-worker nods:
— Yes, once you lived by the lake, it’s non-negotiable.
I mean “creative” the way I say it about some of our users: you would never imagine what they could possibly mess up!
On Tuesday, Boris and I planned to go for a bike ride after I got back from work (it was the first time I had tried biking in the late afternoon in Helsinki). Because of that, I tried to leave promptly at 5 PM, and as I’ve mentioned many times, depending on how long I have to wait for a bus, the door-to-door time is 12-19 minutes. I should also mention that the buses in Helsinki move much faster than in Chicago, and the distance between stops is significantly longer.
I called Boris to say I would be home soon, got out of the office and walked to the bus stop, and in a couple of minutes, I saw bus #400 approaching. This route stops in a slightly different place from all others at my destination, but I knew where to get off (or at least I thought so!)
There are multiple road construction projects and road closures throughout Helsinki, and a couple of streets around our building are completely closed to traffic. In addition, this bus didn’t have a new and improved screen showing all upcoming stops, and (a really rare case!) neither displayed nor announced them. I didn’t realize that it was already time to get off the bus and missed my stop. Getting off at the next one, I thought that I did not want to add more than ten minutes to my commute, and I would be better off walking across the street and getting on any bus going in the opposite direction. It would be a great idea if I didn’t forget to press the stop button upon entering the bus. I stood by the door, presuming the driver would realize I was going to get off, but I was wrong! The bus didn’t stop, and I was two stops back! I walked to the opposite side of the street again and, once more, saw bus #400 approaching, but I couldn’t bring myself to board it 😂. I decided to wait for a couple more minutes and get on another bus. When I finally walked into our apartment, I told Boris that he wouldn’t believe what had happened anyway, so we should just get on our bikes and go!
On Wednesdays, I come to work very early to dial for my online personal training session. My personal trainer lives in LA, and that way, I allow him an extra hour of sleep :). I usually clip my access card to my waist when I get off the L-train, so I do not have to look for it when I am by our building. This Wednesday, everything was as usual, except that when I was by our building and reached for the card, I saw that the part connecting the card to the clip was broken, and the card was missing. I walked back, trying to figure out where that could happen, but didn’t see the card. Then I thought that it was rather dumb to look for it – it could fall off at any moment, even after I just left the train.
I texted my trainer that there was a high chance we would have to cancel, and entered the building through the Starbucks door. Our security issued a day pass for me, but it was pretty useless, because I couldn’t even get into elevator with it – they had to bus me up. And then I couldn’t get to the floor, because it was too early and there was nobody to open a door and let me it.
At that very moment, I suddenly remembered (and do not ask me why I didn’t think about it eaelier!) that my access card had an AirTag, and I attached it specifically for situations like that! I think part of the reason why I forgot about it was my continuous sleep deprivation, and another part was that I didn’t realize right away that my access card fall off with the AirTag. I looked at my phone and saw that the last time the card was seen was very close to the office. I ran out to the street, but the tag already moved. I tried to follow it, but the location was impresize, and I found myself going in circles. Finally, I was on the back side of Planned Parenthood building, and then the AirTag stopped issueing signals.
Disappointed, I headed back to the office, cursing myself for not checking the FindMy right away. I thought that this was finally may payoff fo the luck of winning two raffles. I got back into the building; now there were more people inside (I chased the AirTag signal for almost an hour!), so someone opened a door on our floor for me. I went to get breakfast, and saw our receptionist just walking it. I told her that I will need a new access card (which is a big deal, and I would need to pay a fine), and that I will stop by when she is back from her breakfast. I headed back to my desk, and before diving into work, I decided to open my personal email. I saw an email from the WordPress “Contact” page, to which I paid no attention at first (most times, these are people trying to sell something to me), but then decided to open. The email read: Hi, I have your access card!
…yea, it’s good to have a long and unsual name! There was nothing except for the name on the card! So a person who found it, got into trouble of Googling me, not just throwing the card away! She left her number, so I texted her immediately, and she said she would be able to come out of work for a minute, and told me where to find her. When I saw a person in the purple scrubs on the well-known corner, I knew it right away! I asked her: do you work at Planned Parenthood? And she said; yes! And I told her that I am escorting a couple times a week!
When I returned back to the office, nobody could believe me that someone found my card and returned it. One of my co-workers said: you are so lucky! You should try playing the lottery! I laughted: I just did!
