Tag: life

Wednesday

On Wednesdays, I come to work very early to dial for my online personal training session. My personal trainer lives in LA, and that way, I allow him an extra hour of sleep :). I usually clip my access card to my waist when I get off the L-train, so I do not have to look for it when I am by our building. This Wednesday, everything was as usual, except that when I was by our building and reached for the card, I saw that the part connecting the card to the clip was broken, and the card was missing. I walked back, trying to figure out where that could happen, but didn’t see the card. Then I thought that it was rather dumb to look for it – it could fall off at any moment, even after I just left the train.

I texted my trainer that there was a high chance we would have to cancel, and entered the building through the Starbucks door. Our security issued a day pass for me, but it was pretty useless, because I couldn’t even get into elevator with it – they had to bus me up. And then I couldn’t get to the floor, because it was too early and there was nobody to open a door and let me it.

At that very moment, I suddenly remembered (and do not ask me why I didn’t think about it eaelier!) that my access card had an AirTag, and I attached it specifically for situations like that! I think part of the reason why I forgot about it was my continuous sleep deprivation, and another part was that I didn’t realize right away that my access card fall off with the AirTag. I looked at my phone and saw that the last time the card was seen was very close to the office. I ran out to the street, but the tag already moved. I tried to follow it, but the location was impresize, and I found myself going in circles. Finally, I was on the back side of Planned Parenthood building, and then the AirTag stopped issueing signals.

Disappointed, I headed back to the office, cursing myself for not checking the FindMy right away. I thought that this was finally may payoff fo the luck of winning two raffles. I got back into the building; now there were more people inside (I chased the AirTag signal for almost an hour!), so someone opened a door on our floor for me. I went to get breakfast, and saw our receptionist just walking it. I told her that I will need a new access card (which is a big deal, and I would need to pay a fine), and that I will stop by when she is back from her breakfast. I headed back to my desk, and before diving into work, I decided to open my personal email. I saw an email from the WordPress “Contact” page, to which I paid no attention at first (most times, these are people trying to sell something to me), but then decided to open. The email read: Hi, I have your access card!

…yea, it’s good to have a long and unsual name! There was nothing except for the name on the card! So a person who found it, got into trouble of Googling me, not just throwing the card away! She left her number, so I texted her immediately, and she said she would be able to come out of work for a minute, and told me where to find her. When I saw a person in the purple scrubs on the well-known corner, I knew it right away! I asked her: do you work at Planned Parenthood? And she said; yes! And I told her that I am escorting a couple times a week!

When I returned back to the office, nobody could believe me that someone found my card and returned it. One of my co-workers said: you are so lucky! You should try playing the lottery! I laughted: I just did!

Stress Release

I made a couple of the right decisions over the past several days that dramatically improved my quality of life. First, I decided not to go to the Nature Volunteering workday on Sunday. It was not obvious that this was the right decision, because the nature volunteering season had just started, and I already knew I wouldn’t be able to make most of the workdays due to scheduling conflicts. Still, I had several major tasks related to the conference that were already past due, and I knew that I was pushing them back, and I even knew why. It was important for me to have a mental space to finally start working on them, because otherwise, I could give myself an excuse that these tasks required more uninterrupted time than I had. I also knew that if I kept pushing them back, their weight would make me even more anxious.

Exactly at the moment I was about to leave the house for a workday, I started working on the conference lanyard design. It was a more difficult task than usual because we had a lanyard sponsor, so the design should have included their logo, and I couldn’t say that if I mess up, I will just order a new one. It took me an hour and a half, but in the end, I was happy with my design. Also, after several back-and-forths, I signed the contract for our speakers’ dinner, which was my second hanging task, and I suddenly realized that a big portion of my worries was gone!

Another thing that helped me a lot was the way I communicated with my mom. Firstly, I told her in advance that on Sunday, I would be in transition between activities, so instead of sitting with her in her apartment, I would take her for coffee at Common Cup. And then, I didn’t visit her on Monday and Tuesday, not because I had events to attend, but just because I don’t have to visit her every time I have a free evening. I hate to say it, but it was the best thing I’ve done for myself! I didn’t have to cope with stress during or after the conversation with her, and I was also surprised by how much extra time it provided. I felt like a human after several weeks of not feeling that way 🙂

Lyric Opera Season Preview

That was the event where I lost my phone for 20 minutes! As a subscriber, I had an invitation to the Lyric season preview, to which I planned to go with one of my friends, who canceled at the last minute. I thought I would still go, although I already knew what would be performed during the season, and I had already renewed my subscription. Still, I thought it would not be bad to attend; after all, the Lyric Opera House is just two blocks away from my office.

Then I looked at the email with the event details and saw that they would have a reception from six to seven, and decided to come earlier to get some fine bites.

I was glad I went, because everything looked very festive, and the snacks and desserts were delicious, and then I found that there was not only complimentary wine, but complimentary tea and coffee as well. And five minutes later, I realized that I didn’t have my phone on me, which meant that I had nothing literally!

During the next twenty minutes, I deeply regretted going, and was trying to figure out how I could restore my life (I have my State ID and my physical card in the phone case, and I wouldn’t be even able to get home!

Fortunately, the phone was found and returned to me twenty minutes later, but those were very miserable and scary 20 minutes!

Seen On The Lake Red Line Station

A middle-aged white man with a ponytail was playing a guitar and singing on the platform. I always appreciate it when street performers do not use amplifiers or recorded accompaniment, so I reached into my backpack for a dollar bill.

Only then did I read a sign attached to his bag: No Tips Please.

Do You Have To Struggle To Succeed?

This blog post, authored by someone I know professionally and personally, provoked many thoughts in me. While I completely agree with the idea that life shapes us and that the ability to overcome challenges builds character, I can’t fully agree with the statement that without necessity there is no drive and without struggle there is no “self.”

In fact, I repeatedly come across research showing that children from more privileged, more financially secure families have a greater chance of excelling academically and later in the workplace. That’s because their parents can provide them with opportunities for development, support their natural curiosity, and expose them to a variety of experiences. Granted, it’s not enough to have the means to support your children’s development; parents should have the right focus and right priorities. However, when money is tight, you are indeed focused on survival, and have no cycles to even think about children’s extracurricular activities, even if there are options of signing them up for free.

Financial stability is not the same as stagnation. Yes, a person might be aimless, have no goals in life, and pursue no interests when they “have everything.” But I strongly believe it’s not because they “have everything,” but because their curiosity was not encouraged and they were not challenged to reach out to the stars.

My children attended YMCA summer camps for several summers. These camps cost a fortune, especially multiplied by three. During our first summer in the US, I applied for financial assistance, and we were given 50% off. It was still way more than I could afford, and I borrowed money from people who cared about me and wanted to support me. I paid off my debt in six months. Next year, I will be better off and able to afford the camp without going into debt. Regardless of whether it was a struggle, my children benefited greatly from this opportunity.

I do not think life should be a struggle. Suffering does not make us better. Challenges do. And one more thought: when people ask me what the secret of my success is, and where I find the energy to do everything I am doing, I am always saying: I do only things I want to do, and never the things that I do not want but “have to do.” Although I often say that I had to teach my kids to be independent, walk and bike to their activities, cook and wash their clothes “because I didn’t have a choice,” this was still a choice :). The necessity was coming from wanting to do something else :), both for my kids and me.

Nobody Will Notice!

I have a coworker with whom we used to be on the same team, and our desks were once close to each other. In summer, we used to go together to the Sweet Home Gelato place on the Riverwalk. We usually planned to go at least once a week, and used this walk to catch up on life.

When she moved to another floor, it became more difficult to coordinate, but I would still invite her to go, although not that often.

Today was one of our “gelato walk” days. We both got chocolate and blueberry gelato in the waffle cones. Usually, I throw away whatever is left from gelato and the cone right before I leave the Riverwalk, but this time, we were deep in conversation, and I forgot to throw it away, and then, there were no garbage cans on our way for a while. The next thing I noticed was the chocolate dripping over my white pants – the left side was covered with chocolate spots from top to bottom!

My coworker was more upset than I was. I told her that I would wash it off, and that I had a Tide pencil in my backpack, and that most importantly, nobody cares! Actually, this was the most important thing: I knew that nobody would even notice these chocolate spots if I acted as if they were not there. We kept walking back to the office. We met another coworker by the elevators, and chatted a little bit, and I chatted as if there was nothing wrong with my outfit. When I reached my floor, I went to the bathroom, took the pants off, washed the front of the over the sink, and pulled them on. Since my behind didn’t have any chocolate spots, I didn’t have to wash it, so I could still sit on my chair, and nobody would see the wet pants under my desk 🙂

… and that was today’s dinner time story for my granddaughters.

A Day Before Vacation

My flight is on schedule (hurray!), but I just finished packing (sort of, because two things are still in the dryer, and for those who know me, that’s something unthinkable – my luggage is usually ready on a weekend before my trip). I am working from home tomorrow, but I am actually working until the very end of the workday – I have the last meeting scheduled from 3:30 to 4 PM. I have the air conditioning inspection in the morning, and I need to see my mom before departure, and we have a conference kick-off meeting for PG DATA.

And yes, I still need to finish packing! I am so tired that I think I will sleep for ten hours straight when I get to Helsinki.

To finish on a brighter (literally) note: I found time for Pride Nails! I mean, I had to do my nails before the trip, but also, I actually remembered that I wanted to do pride nails for the past three years!

Random Pieces

Under the impression of the recently finished book The Notebook, I decided to record some thoughts and encounters, even when they are “too small” for a blog post. Otherwise, they disappear, and I won’t remember them.

***

My coworker told me that her son thinks I am a very cool grandma, and told her that when he is a grandpa, he wants to be as cool a grandparent as Hettie:). I thought it was both funny and touching that he didn’t say “I wish I had a grandma like Hettie,” but “I want to be such a grandparent.”

***

I was in a L-train car when four police officers in full gear entered and stood close to the doors. I was sitting behind them and listening to their conversation. A couple of young women passed them with the clear intention to move to the next car through the door, and one of the officers stopped them: You can’t go there! – We can’t? – You can’t. You can exit at the next stop and move to another car. The reason they were trying to get away from that one was a nasty exchange at the front of that car. The guys standing there were still shouting something in their direction, and the women looked at the policemen expectantly.

One of the officers replied sympathetically: “It’s not illegal to be rude, sadly!” And then he stopped one of the women who started to shout back: “Do not respond. You already won! Just get into another car, the train is stopping, get out and move to another car!”

It’s not illegal to be rude, sadly! Something to remember.

***

How long does it take for a priority envelope to get from 540 W. Madison to 115 S. LaSalle? Yes, I know it’s a different zip code! But three days!!!

***

Last week, a co-worker asked me whether I would like to go for a drink with him. I stared at him, not finding the proper words… I do not have days when I am not doing something after work! I felt very bad, and tried to find time when I could go for a drink with himl and fortunately found about a week and a half later 🙂

***

Standing room only in the 7 AM train. Remind me, who is not in the office?

This Week’s Events

Pizza-making at the Youth Shelter on Tuesday:

Kimberly Akimbo in the CIBC Theater on Wednesday

I stopped at Amorino before the show – I have not been there for a while, and they have new flavors!

Today: Howard and Evanston Community Center Program showcase (I am on the Community Board and miss almost half of the board meetings, so I felt like I should show up). The event was way bigger than last year’s one, and more upscale, so one more time I felt inadequate in jeans and a t-shirt, but I guess it was just me.

The event went really well; I noticed an older gentleman in the Knox vest and asked him whether he was Knox, and he sure was, so we had a very lively conversation with him and his wife. This worldwide Knox brotherhood never ceases to amaze me.

Oh, and we had Pride cookies at work!


***

As it is clear from my last several posts, I am on my way to “back to normal.” However, something has permanently changed; in some sense, it is a “new normal,” and I am trying to figure out how the past several months have changed me.

One thing is that I feel removed from “ordinary human feelings,” and I am unsure whether this is here to stay with me. Since October last year, I have been so focused on Prairie Postgres that everything else has become non-essential. I blame myself for not contributing to election campaign, not doing canvassing, not talking enough about the issues. I was among many who didn’t do enough. I definitely didn’t have “cycles” for that, but still.

My decision matrix, my Eisenhower quadrants, were skewed to the sole purpose of making sure the Chicago conference happens, and the Chicago community is not negatively affected. I consistently find myself at a loss responding to “how are things with you, what’s new in your life?” I mean people, who might not be my closest friends, but who know me well enough or care enough so that I can’t reply: “All good, thank you for asking.” Still, I understand that it would be the weirdest thing to start answering such questions with what is really on my mind. Because the honest answer would be something like that: “For several months, some people were trying to make my life incredibly difficult to the point I was afraid to check my email, and they were trying to stop me from doing things which were important to me and to my community. There were many times when I wanted to quit and walk out, but I did not give up, and now everything is good, and nobody is after me.” And that’s the first, second and third most important thing in my life.

I know that I didn’t talk enough with many people who care about me, and I care about them. There were several months of ignoring emails, skipping events, and telling myself that I will have time for all of that later. I can only imagine how many of my friends, especially my “remote” friends think that I forgot about them, or that their lives are not interesting to me anymore.

Looking back at the past several months, I do not know how I did it :). When i was at the PGConf.dev, and when I attended multiple meetups last week, many of those to whom I told about my not-for-profits reacted: oh, you got 501(c)?! Congratulations! Or asked me: is it your full time job? So, I guess, I did something good, and something to be proud of.

Still, I want to get back to “being human,” but Prairie Postgres would still remain not “one of the things” I am doing, but “the most important thing” I am going, and hopefully the thing that outlive me :).