***

The weather is great, and also, I have a million things to do, and also, I had time this afternoon because I moved several things around. And for the past two hours, I can’t do anything. I feel the time running away and disappearing in the sand of eternity, and I know I will punch myself tomorrow for this paralysis, but the only thing I can think of now is – why bother? I told a group of like-minded people a couple weeks ago: I will never forgive him Ukraine.

Another like-minded person said in a Telegram channel: I do not blame all Americans, I blame him. The thing is, however, that same as I can’t not feel my personal responsibility for Putin’s existence, I can’t not feel responsibility for Trump being on the top of the world. All the canvassing I didn’t do, no matter how good the reasons were, all the time I focused on solving the problems in the Postgres community, all the time I was fighting for other causes, I didn’t fight for that one. And it will stay with me.

And all of the half-written blog posts about the plays I saw this week, about the events I attended, and even the fights I thought felt absolutely meaningless.