Last weekend, when we talked with Lena about breaking the eating habits, she touched upon breaking away from other things we were taught froman early age. She told me: since I do not remember how early in my life, my grandmother used to tell me that when I have a family, I should attend to my husband’s needs first, then to kid’s needs, and then to my own. And I can second her – that was a universal idea.
In addition, even though we had the same access to higher education and theoretically the same access to jobs, all of us – all female I knew – regarded their love life being more important than professional career, more than anything, Marriage was definitely the first priority since our early teens, and none of us could ever possibly imagine a happy life without marriage. At the same time, most of us thought that a woman should follow her husband whever life moves him, and that sacrificing all our personal desires, for “what he needs” was in our books of “being a noble person.” We despised those women who “chose their comfort over sharing their husband’s hardships.” That’s why my extremely gifted friend, who for some reason, didn’t consider herself a “marriage material,” got married right before graduation and moved with her husband to Baikonur (where her first child died in birth). That’s why we had a had time understanding what was so heroic in the decision of the Decembrists’ wives to follow their husbands to Siberia.
Actually, I think that we just spend too much time on our personal life and relationships (and who woud’ve thought I would say that!). That was another thing we talked about with Lena, and she seconds me. The funniest part is that my current high professional status is in a strange way a result of me being focused on love and relationships too much in my earlier life – this triggered a long sequence of events which resulted in me being where I am.
Life is the strangest thing. And I am not free from stereotypes, although I try :). My kids are better 🙂
Hettie's Reflections 