How Things are, and How I am

It calmed down in many different ways. In the beginning, I was calling Boris at least three times a day. I told him upfront that I will be not a normal person, and that I need his help to get to some stable set of mind.

I think that what affected me most was that things were changing so rapidly, and that was giving a sense of everything falling apart. But recently, I got back to almost normal. There are no logical reasons for that. The situation in the country and the world didn’t become better; in fact, it became worse. I even somehow started to accept the fact that Boris and I might not see each other till the end of the year. 

It would be the longest time ever for us being apart, and it does seem like “never.” I told him the other day that I want to put his things away, out of sight. I did not want to do that, because the only time in my life I did it was when I thought we are going to divorce. But he said he is fine with me putting his things away if later I can make a show of putting them back. 

We talk for 30-40 minutes every morning before I start work and, most of the time, for another 30-40 minutes later in the day. And our usual long talks on the weekend. We talk about work and research, and various home improvements, and yet another new computer. And we never talk about how much we miss each other. 

A couple of days ago, Boris told me that Finnair called him about the flight on March 20, which he canceled online. They said to him that they are going to “uncancel” it and that he will be able to choose any other flight before the end of the year. They said “for now,” assuming that based on the situation, the extension may go to the next year. For some reason, I felt very encouraged by that exchange, although I know that nobody knows:)

6 thoughts on “How Things are, and How I am

    1. It is definitely incomparable with the time of expensive phone calls. Its that never in the previous thirty-two years we’d experienced that level of uncertainty. But as I said, overall I am pretty much balanced in the current status. Many people commented to me privately that this post sounded sad – it is not. It’s the established routine at the moment. Thank you for a song 🙂


  1. Is the situation changing rapidly right now? It seems we have here, in Moscow, stagnation… Nothing happens! Groundhog Day… Not in the hospitals of course, we don’t see them, just in the area.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No, right now I’d say it is some stability, that’s why it’s easier to calm down and try to plan at least something. In the beginning, things were shutting down way too fast, which gave a feeling of uncertainty and anxiety. In the past several days there was only one major update: the mandate of wearing masks in public. It looks like people will be asked to limit the grocery store’s trips, maybe closer to the end of the week. We’ll see.


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