One hand is doing work, another hand is testing the website for PGDay Chicago, another hand is making sure we have all things we need for Prairie Postgres, another hand is packing presents. Some other hands are submitting Amazon Fresh orders for the remaining cookie ingredients and booking three different hotels for three different trips.
Presents for Secret Santa, presents for the Night Ministry, Amazon returns, returning boots which turned out to be too tight even though the size is right. Work. Going to Chriskindlmarket, buying roasted nuts and chocolate. Finding time for meetings with friends and out-ouf town peers. Boxes for cookies. Christmas bubble mailers. Tissue paper. Work. Going to the show. Finding the right presents for half of the family who are still without presents. New Christmas tree stand.
Work. PGDay Chicago new Volunteer form. Checking the dates on the form. FInding cost allocations to close the support ticket. Schedule an email to my mom for 10-30 PM saying we are going home from the show.
And it’s actually time to go, just need to refresh my makeup!
Slowly and surely (knock on wood), things are moving forward. At least at that moment, I am not paralyzed with fear that I am behind on all my promises – just about one-third of them 🙂
Work: pushing a couple of big projects forward and finalizing documentation (the hardest part).
Conference: moving. I wish I would know how much longer it will take until all formalities are finalized and how much longer it will be until the website is up, but at least things are not stalled.
PUG: had the last meetup of 2024, and the emergency speaker replacement worked great
NFP: problems are getting resolved at a speed that makes me nervous: when everything goes so smoothly, I am afraid that “I didn’t notice something”
I am catching up with all of the Christmas planning: cookies/supplies/addresses/cookie boxes/cards/ordered a tree delivery and a tree removal/about half of the presents is purchased.
The Thanksgiving food is all purchased (unless I forgot something, as usual!)
I finished this book a while ago and didn’t give it any rating. I finally gave it three stars, but it’s not like “the book was worse than I anticipated.” I learned about this book from the Point Magazine newsletter – they ran several articles on that topic before the book was out, and it sounded interesting enough for me to invest in reading rather than listening :). As I said, I finished it a while ago, and still can’t formulate my opinion about it.
Maybe it would be better just to summarize my view on the subject: I do not understand what it is there to argue about. Some people want children (I was thinking about having children as the best thing that will eventually happen in my life since I was fifteen). Some people do not want children. Some people change their minds as life goes on. Some people want to have just one child, some want to have many and enjoy having many. Never in my life could I understand what’s the argument. As long as I can remember, I have always believed that all children should be wanted and that a woman should have as many or as few children as she is willing to have, including zero. End of story. End of argument. No judgment.
***
The authors, Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman, performed extensive research on the history of the subject, and I learned many new facts about how the choice of not having children was viewed throughout human history. In addition, they reviewed multiple literary works on that topic. Although I really appreciate them being so thorough, it felt almost “too much” with lots of repetitions. A disturbing part was the one where they cited responses to their survey. Some of the survey participants said that they would have children only if they were able to provide them with the same opportunities as they had as children, “including private tennis lessons.” (yes, that was one of the responses; I am not making it up!)
Again and again, I do not get why there should be any “whys” at all. Do some people want to make a good impression on others, or are they trying to fool themselves? I don’t know. There is a whole chapter about people who “do not want to bring children into this world when we have a global climate crisis.” It sounds so strange to me and so illogical.
In addition, again and again, I hear all the arguments about “you can’t have it all.” And when I read through some of the detailed explanations, I can see what these working mothers mean. One says: “Either I am making a Halloween costume for my child, or I am attending a meeting; I can’t do both simultaneously.” That makes me wonder, since when you are a bad mother if you do not hand-make a Halloween costume for your child? For several years, we had an agreement that I would hand-make a costume for only one of my three children, and the other two would have to either store-bought costumes or we would use some props we found at home. And if I ever emotionally scarred my children, it was for reasons other than not making Halloween costumes. (It’s also worth mentioning that I love making costumes, and it won’t be the case I won’t be making any! I think that too many working mothers impose unrealistic expectations on themselves regarding what is required from the perfect parent. And by the way, if you can’t be a mother for one kid and work, does it mean that you can’t be a good mother for two kids because each of them will only have half of you. And what if you have five?! It does not make sense :). Time is not additive 🙂
… I asked Anna whether she indeed thinks that motherhood affects women’s careers. She said: Oh, a hundred percent! I asked her: do you really think you would be making more money if you wouldn’t have kids? And she said: no, I would make less! Which is how I feel 🙂
After I returned from my October trip, it took me a while to catch up with life, mainly because I didn’t have much weekend time. I had a complete meltdown on Friday because I was so tired of putting things together and catching up on things that one trivial problem felt like a world crisis.
Since then, things have improved. 🙂 I was able to reschedule my January trip, write some documentation for my work project, resolve all major issues with the conference, and, as an extra bonus, receive the IRS tax-exempt letter for a new NFP I am setting up. There are still a couple of things with this NFP that are waiting for a resolution, so I do not want to talk much about them right now, but things are looking positive.
Forteen open tickets, actively working on four of them, all being more than one week long projects
Collaborate with people visiting from our Austin office
Mom:
Introducing a new caregiver
Scheduling somebody present for all days when there will be any medical worker present
Making sure all medical workers have Anna’s phone
Making sure Anna has all caregivers phones
Making sure Mom has an updates schedule on her whiteboard
Postgres business
October meetup: food, drinks, setting things up
Posting about October meetup, sending the video for processing
Scheduing November meetup: verifying the training center availability, submitting the service ticket, asking the speaker for talk description, actual scheduling
Created a new NFP
Applied for EIN
About a half of the tax-exempt application package is ready
ACM
Had a call about possible ways to collaborate
Sent a follow-up email to the ACM Chiago board
The Night Ministry
Scheduled one dinner at the shelter
Talked to several people about other ways to be involved
Other volunteering
Howard-Evanston community board meeting
Other
Doing my nails before departure
Packing (a total disaster this time)
Joffrey a night before departure
I was asked to review a book of my good friend, and I couldn’t say no!
This week feels like the Apple mental health survey(‘Have you ever felt that the difficulties are piling up so high that you can’t overcome them?”). I spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to schedule and reschedule things, and something pops up each time I squeeze things in. The worst part is that the work projects are moving at a slower speed than I would like them to move, which means I am leaving a lot of unfinished work right before going to a conference. I invested tons of effort to finish one of these “long-distance runners” last night, and it ended up being two and a half hours instead of twenty minutes, and not because of me. I am happy that I can put a checkmark and close the ticket, but I planned to finish packing last night, and I had no time for that, and now I am unsure when to finish except for right before the departure :).
Another “check” – I finally introduced another caregiver to mom. The positives about her are that she lives very close and is way more flexible. Mom at least didn’t dislike her and agreed to go for a walk with her a couple of times when I am away.
Also, I can’t believe it has been just a couple days since I was at the beach – it was heavily raining for the past two days, and yesterday it was sunny, but almost freezing in the morning. The good side is that I am more mentally prepared for Helsinki :).
I have too many projects at work that are “in progress,” and it’s extremely tiring. Despite the multiple thanks I receive every workday, I feel like I am not doing my best, not making enough progress, and overall doing too much of the “women’s work.” I do not mind doing it occasionally, but for a while now, it’s like “nothing but.” In addition, there are two community issues that really bother me, and I do not see any positive resolution in the near future. Strangely enough, I feel simultaneously too much invested in each of them and not doing enough for each of them.
Also, today, I took my mom for her third CT scan. The neurologist suggested doing it in the same hospital where he will see her for a follow-up, and he even mentioned it could be done on the same day. In reality, I was unable to schedule both appointments on the same day, so we had a CT scan today, and the doctor is scheduled for Friday. The hospital is located very inconveniently from where we live, and today I had to take Uber during the rush hour, and it was a living hell. The drive took an hour. Then we waited there for more than an hour. Then the drive back was extremely bumpy, and I was late for the time when I needed to do some production work. I chose today because I hoped to be home by 6-30PM, but I was there more than an hour later and tired and hungry.
Ultimately, I finished all my work, and both migrations went almost smoothly :), and I am not even staying late. I am just very tired.
Today, I was in the office for the whole day for the first time since last Thursday. The workday was a living hell: I had multiple open issues, and I had to act like a customer support chat, replying to multiple people simultaneously. Plus, scheduling a couple of mom’s follow-ups, a CT scan, etc. Working on multiple issues was the worst, though.
Still, it’s a first step toward returning to normal. I stayed at work a little bit late, but then I went straight home and talked to my mom only over the phone. And I actually browsed the internet for the first time in several days. I am not 100% sure what I did, but I didn’t have to go/do/watch, and for the first time in a week, I started to think about what I would be doing after work.
I have several posts that have been in drafts since my trip two weeks ago, so maybe I will finish them over the weekend.
The last three days were a non-stop sequence of events! I had an almost disastrous flight to London, then a very good conference in London, and another great day there, and now I am in Amsterdam, ready to give another talk tomorrow. I have a little bit of details on Instagram, and I hope I will fill in the blanks here in a couple of days!
I figured out that until the season is over, I should try to incorporate the early morning swimming into my schedule at least twice a week, and Monday was a very convenient day to try. I was out of the house as planned. It was cloudy, but there shouldn’t have been any problem with that. However, Just a couple of minutes after I started walking, I heard the thunder. There was not a drop of rain, but I thought it still didn’t sound like a good idea and returned home.
I took a shower, got dressed, and thought if wearing shorts to the office was a good idea (and decided against it). At the very last moment, I decided to take an umbrella with me, just in case.
When I was in the courtyard, some drops of rain fell, and five minutes later, it started raining for real. In two more minutes, it was a legit Chicago rain, and it made absolutely no difference whether I had an umbrella or not! I didn’t take my sandals off right away, and in a minute, it made no difference either – I walked in the water to my ankle level. By the time I reached the train station, the only dry piece of clothing I had was my underwater. When I got on a train, I didn’t even think I should sit down. A passenger in front of me was making space, and I told him: I am all wet! He said it was not a problem, so I sat down, trying to maintain the distance.
I pulled my reading glasses out of a wet backpack pocket, only to realize there was not a single piece of dry clothes on me or in my backpack to clean them. And then, I heard the sounds of raindrops on the car window, and it sounded like they were made of iron (and no, it was not hail!).
When I came to the office, I realized I had made a mistake not trying to dry myself up at the train station bathroom: we do not have dryers! Fortunately, I had a change of gym clothes in my drawer, so throughout the day, I changed different pieces of my clothes to activewear pieces and hung the wet pieces on my chair to dry them up. I also put some paper inside my sandals and changed them often before finally letting them air dry.
I thought that I still had time at least to dip myself into the lake after work (although I had a number of other things to do!) But when I came to the beach, there were high waves, and the red flag was up, and the lifeguards were on duty!
I still sat there on the beach, and I even walked into the water to meet the waves by the shore, and got myself as wet as it was possible! I am proud of myself that I didn’t get upset about things not turning us as planned:)
Hettie's Reflections 