Tag: war

***

I talked to a co-worker the other day. He is not Russian, not Eastern European – nothing that would make him especially sensitive to the current political situation. I do not recall what prompted his comment about “as a Russian,” but I replied as usual that “it is not what defines me.” He proceeded with, “You are not denouncing your Russianness” and “It has nothing to do with this political situation.” It started to be more serious than a breakfast conversation in the cafeteria, but I couldn’t drop it at that point. I replied that I felt like I had everything to do with the situation because it’s my generation that didn’t follow up after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the dissolving of the Communist Party. It was my generation that let it go, and thereby I do feel responsible.

He said: I have Ukrainian neighbors on one side and Russian neighbors on the other side, and my Russian neighbors are afraid to speak Russian. And then he talked about his closest friends who are Russian and about some bets and about drinking. The latter one is a serious trigger point for me, so I said that this conversation was making me uncomfortable.

We both had to go to our desks, but I hope to continue this conversation with him. I want to ask him whether his Russian friends feel that they have something to do with what the Russian government does or if they do not think it is related to them. As for speaking Russian, I am acutely aware that at this moment in history, the Russian language for Ukrainians sounds like German during WWII for many European nations, so I do not think it’s appropriate to speak Russian in their presence (unless it’s their initiative).

Recently, I read an essay by Michael Shishkin – a Russian writer who is not at the top of the list either in Russia or internationally. I was deeply moved by this essay – my thoughts and words exactly. I agree with him that it is extremely important to understand that everybody born and raised in Russia, no matter how progressive or even radical was their upbringing, carries the baggage of imperialism. The paragraph which particularly struck me was this one:

Throughout my life, I felt I could stand steadily on the foundation of the great Russian Culture. Nowadays, there is emptiness under my feet.

Also, the way he describes the silence of the Russian writers and other intelligentsia as “hosting regular events” and “pretending that nothing is happening.” That’s exactly how I feel when I read about cultural events or new productions in Russia: I can’t take it in that people “do normal things.” And yes, I am hypocritical, I know. And yes, I understand that living under permanent pressure is impossible, and a person’s mind finds ways to accept reality as a norm. And yes, I understand that I am making many people upset. And no, I do not think I am always right, and I do not think I have any moral right to criticize others. Still, I want to be honest and convey how I feel.

Link to the essay

Current Events On The Front

I kept quiet and didn’t want to jink it when things started to unfold last week, especially because even BBC was quiet. My friend Lena has relatives in Sumy, so she started to message me “did you hear the news” in the beginning of the week. At that time, her relatives experienced retaliation shelling from the Russian forces, and they had to shelter for over 24 hours.

When I visited Lena several days later, she said: I was hoping that now Russian people will understand something, but it doesn’t look like it! Unfortunately, I have to agree. Moreover, I am shocked with reactions of those few politicians who appeared to be normal so far. Now, all of a sudden, “you can’t be happy when your fellow citizen suffer” and “you can be against the current government, but you can be against people”.

I have no comment on that. None. Except for citing one more time late Frau Traudel: “Of course, we wanted Germany to be defeated!”

We Live In Pre-War Time

Boris cited one of the BBC commentators about us “living in pre-war time.” That was when we once again, for the hundredth time, talked about “Western countries trying to prevent a full-scale war.” And for the hundredth time, we talked about pre-WWII times and Czechoslovakia, and attempts “to prevent the full-scale war,” and how these attempts “to make things better” ended up making things worse.

And thinking about last week’s prisoner swap and what we now know about how it is related to Navalny’s murder – it’s basically the same thing. People involved in this process from the Western side were trying to do the best possible thing and stay up to their values, and that led to the murder and to Putin going unpunished.

And I don’t know why I am writing this for the hundredth time. I have enough evidence of businesses making extremely poor decisions in favor of “this very minute profit.” I have seen it for years, and I have very little hope that things like this will change. Not even in observable future, just – never.

Ukraine Month In Chicago

August is officially a Ukraine Month in Chicago, and I only learned about it on August 1, and only because I went to the Daley Plaza Marked and saw the ceremony of the official proclamation of Ukraine Month:

Igor said he learned about this even at the last minute, but I didn’t know anything at all. It was very heart-warming to hear the words of solidarity and support for Ukraine, especially now when people’s attention is mostly focused on elections, and the war seems far away and irrelevant to way too many people…

Official news feed for the event.

Klondike Movie

Klondike was part of CIFF Summer Screenings, and Igor and I watched it today. It’s one of those movies when you can’t say, “It is a good movie.” It is shocking and disturbing, and you can’t take all the horrors in, but at the same time, you still can’t take your eyes off the screen. I can’t say “I recommend it.” If you feel that you have enough is you to sustain it, please watch it, but it’s not for everyone.

I am glad I went to that screening. It was a full house, and 95% of the audience were not Ukrainian. I guess it’s a good sign, but the panel discussion after the screening was horrible.

I don’t understand how the organizers could have no plan and no agenda for such an important discussion. I don’t understand the choice of panelists (citing the panel announcement Professor Petrovsky-Shtern from Northwestern University, and Migration Lawyer by profession and journalist by hobby – Svitlana Ugryn). To be entirely honest, Deputy Consul General of Ukraine in Chicago Yevgeniy Drobot, who was supposedly leading the discussion, wasn’t helpful either.

I am really upset about this panel, but it is difficult to me to pinpoint what exactly was so wrong. The panel was about nothing. Instead of sending a powerful message, the panelists were talking about the “authenticity” of making vegetable preserves, and the “Chekhov-style” acting when “people want to do something, but nothing happens.”

Two most disturbing episodes.

  1. One of the audience members asked the panel, whether “separatists stil exist.” The answer from the professor was: “there are some people [in these areas]who feel like they are Ukrainian, and the are some people who feel like they are Russian, and they want to be Russian, and there are some people, who are just common people, and they do not care, they want to have their house, and their cow, and have their babies… “
  2. Svitlana commented that “it is important that the soldiers at the end of the movie speak Chechen, because Chechnia was occupied by Russia, and now Russia sends Chechens to fight in this war, so if Russia will defeat Ukrain, it will move to invading other countries. That latter thing is true, but what is has to do with the soldiers speaking Chechen? If you ask me, that would be the only thing for which I might critisize the movie: you get an impression that all of the atrocities were done by Chechens, and Russians never committed any violence.

Maybe I will write more about it tomorrow if I will be able to arrange my thoughts.

February 24 Again

When Lena and I went to the Ukrainian rally, we made sure to be quiet and not speak Russian. On our way home, Lena said: all went well, we showed our support, and we didn’t get beaten at the Ukrainian rally.

I recalled what Boris said in the early days of the war: now, Russian sounds the same as German after WWII, and it will take at least fifty years, if not more, for this association to go away. (I would add – if…) I had an acute feeling of exactly that at that very moment, and looking at the posters depicting bloody Putin, I was thinking: screw you, what did you do with Ukraine?! What did you do with Russia?! And immediately, I stopped and thought: no, not him. We allowed it to be done.

After we got back home, we talked for several hours. We talked about the necessity of Russia’s complete defeat as the only way to start over. I shared with Lena Igor’s thoughts about educating people and creating the base from which another country could be born. Lena told me about the large Latvian community near where she lives, and how these Latvians were keeping the language and the culture alive for three generations, hoping to return “when the occupation will be over.” Still, when the occupation was over, none of them returned.

I understand what she says, and I agree that people who have lived away from their country for generations are extremely unlikely to go back. I do not think I will ever come back for good, but that’s because there was no political reason for me to leave Russia. I consciously chose the country I now call home. But I hope that the day will come when I will be able to come and help to build a new and better society.

But before that, as I promised to a person who is hopefully reading this now, I will invest in their nursery garden. And I am sure that this day is closer than we think.

More Coverage Of February 24 Rallies

A short but very much to-the-point episode from ABC7 here.

WGN coverage:

Igor took a lot of great pictures, I especially like this one:

DSC_3598

But all of them are pretty amazing, and you can see all of them here.

I will try to write more about How I feel and what I think these days.

On This Unbearebly Difficult Day.

The day when we marched in a group of anti-putin Russians to pay respects to the victims of the Russian invasion, when we chanted, “Ukraine needs your help!” That day, I felt more hopeless than ever. I remember the somber mood of the first rallies in February and early March of 2022. I remember when the mood started to be more elevated and more hopeful, when we marched, fired by our anger and energy. Today, I marched, but I felt hopeless. On the way to the rally, I read an article in TIME magazine titled “Ukraine Can’t Win the War.” To tell you the truth, it does not matter what the article says exactly. You just don’t publish articles named like this on the grim anniversary of the invasion. Lena and I briskly walked to the meeting point of the Russian rally for Ukraine, holding the Ukrainian flags in our hands and passing the groups of tourists and locals for whom there was no war going on. Two years, and people are asking, “Which war?”

I know that the world is driven by the economy. I know that the world economy needs peace, and there is no industry, including weapons manufacturing, actually benefitting from the war. But why people don’t understand the consequences?

Lena and I chatted for hours tonight, asking each other the same questions: why do companies care about their profits next week and do not care what will happen to them and the world two years from now? I do not have an answer.

The Ukrainian Rally two hours later

February 24: Mark This Day By Donating To UNITED24

Donate for Sea Drones here

What They Say

I saw this video clip in my friend’s blog, and I agree with her that more people should see it. It has English subtitles, which I can confirm is accurate. I wish I could say it’s a fake, but it isn’t.