Tag: life

Nobody Will Notice!

I have a coworker with whom we used to be on the same team, and our desks were once close to each other. In summer, we used to go together to the Sweet Home Gelato place on the Riverwalk. We usually planned to go at least once a week, and used this walk to catch up on life.

When she moved to another floor, it became more difficult to coordinate, but I would still invite her to go, although not that often.

Today was one of our “gelato walk” days. We both got chocolate and blueberry gelato in the waffle cones. Usually, I throw away whatever is left from gelato and the cone right before I leave the Riverwalk, but this time, we were deep in conversation, and I forgot to throw it away, and then, there were no garbage cans on our way for a while. The next thing I noticed was the chocolate dripping over my white pants – the left side was covered with chocolate spots from top to bottom!

My coworker was more upset than I was. I told her that I would wash it off, and that I had a Tide pencil in my backpack, and that most importantly, nobody cares! Actually, this was the most important thing: I knew that nobody would even notice these chocolate spots if I acted as if they were not there. We kept walking back to the office. We met another coworker by the elevators, and chatted a little bit, and I chatted as if there was nothing wrong with my outfit. When I reached my floor, I went to the bathroom, took the pants off, washed the front of the over the sink, and pulled them on. Since my behind didn’t have any chocolate spots, I didn’t have to wash it, so I could still sit on my chair, and nobody would see the wet pants under my desk 🙂

… and that was today’s dinner time story for my granddaughters.

A Day Before Vacation

My flight is on schedule (hurray!), but I just finished packing (sort of, because two things are still in the dryer, and for those who know me, that’s something unthinkable – my luggage is usually ready on a weekend before my trip). I am working from home tomorrow, but I am actually working until the very end of the workday – I have the last meeting scheduled from 3:30 to 4 PM. I have the air conditioning inspection in the morning, and I need to see my mom before departure, and we have a conference kick-off meeting for PG DATA.

And yes, I still need to finish packing! I am so tired that I think I will sleep for ten hours straight when I get to Helsinki.

To finish on a brighter (literally) note: I found time for Pride Nails! I mean, I had to do my nails before the trip, but also, I actually remembered that I wanted to do pride nails for the past three years!

Random Pieces

Under the impression of the recently finished book The Notebook, I decided to record some thoughts and encounters, even when they are “too small” for a blog post. Otherwise, they disappear, and I won’t remember them.

***

My coworker told me that her son thinks I am a very cool grandma, and told her that when he is a grandpa, he wants to be as cool a grandparent as Hettie:). I thought it was both funny and touching that he didn’t say “I wish I had a grandma like Hettie,” but “I want to be such a grandparent.”

***

I was in a L-train car when four police officers in full gear entered and stood close to the doors. I was sitting behind them and listening to their conversation. A couple of young women passed them with the clear intention to move to the next car through the door, and one of the officers stopped them: You can’t go there! – We can’t? – You can’t. You can exit at the next stop and move to another car. The reason they were trying to get away from that one was a nasty exchange at the front of that car. The guys standing there were still shouting something in their direction, and the women looked at the policemen expectantly.

One of the officers replied sympathetically: “It’s not illegal to be rude, sadly!” And then he stopped one of the women who started to shout back: “Do not respond. You already won! Just get into another car, the train is stopping, get out and move to another car!”

It’s not illegal to be rude, sadly! Something to remember.

***

How long does it take for a priority envelope to get from 540 W. Madison to 115 S. LaSalle? Yes, I know it’s a different zip code! But three days!!!

***

Last week, a co-worker asked me whether I would like to go for a drink with him. I stared at him, not finding the proper words… I do not have days when I am not doing something after work! I felt very bad, and tried to find time when I could go for a drink with himl and fortunately found about a week and a half later 🙂

***

Standing room only in the 7 AM train. Remind me, who is not in the office?

This Week’s Events

Pizza-making at the Youth Shelter on Tuesday:

Kimberly Akimbo in the CIBC Theater on Wednesday

I stopped at Amorino before the show – I have not been there for a while, and they have new flavors!

Today: Howard and Evanston Community Center Program showcase (I am on the Community Board and miss almost half of the board meetings, so I felt like I should show up). The event was way bigger than last year’s one, and more upscale, so one more time I felt inadequate in jeans and a t-shirt, but I guess it was just me.

The event went really well; I noticed an older gentleman in the Knox vest and asked him whether he was Knox, and he sure was, so we had a very lively conversation with him and his wife. This worldwide Knox brotherhood never ceases to amaze me.

Oh, and we had Pride cookies at work!


***

As it is clear from my last several posts, I am on my way to “back to normal.” However, something has permanently changed; in some sense, it is a “new normal,” and I am trying to figure out how the past several months have changed me.

One thing is that I feel removed from “ordinary human feelings,” and I am unsure whether this is here to stay with me. Since October last year, I have been so focused on Prairie Postgres that everything else has become non-essential. I blame myself for not contributing to election campaign, not doing canvassing, not talking enough about the issues. I was among many who didn’t do enough. I definitely didn’t have “cycles” for that, but still.

My decision matrix, my Eisenhower quadrants, were skewed to the sole purpose of making sure the Chicago conference happens, and the Chicago community is not negatively affected. I consistently find myself at a loss responding to “how are things with you, what’s new in your life?” I mean people, who might not be my closest friends, but who know me well enough or care enough so that I can’t reply: “All good, thank you for asking.” Still, I understand that it would be the weirdest thing to start answering such questions with what is really on my mind. Because the honest answer would be something like that: “For several months, some people were trying to make my life incredibly difficult to the point I was afraid to check my email, and they were trying to stop me from doing things which were important to me and to my community. There were many times when I wanted to quit and walk out, but I did not give up, and now everything is good, and nobody is after me.” And that’s the first, second and third most important thing in my life.

I know that I didn’t talk enough with many people who care about me, and I care about them. There were several months of ignoring emails, skipping events, and telling myself that I will have time for all of that later. I can only imagine how many of my friends, especially my “remote” friends think that I forgot about them, or that their lives are not interesting to me anymore.

Looking back at the past several months, I do not know how I did it :). When i was at the PGConf.dev, and when I attended multiple meetups last week, many of those to whom I told about my not-for-profits reacted: oh, you got 501(c)?! Congratulations! Or asked me: is it your full time job? So, I guess, I did something good, and something to be proud of.

Still, I want to get back to “being human,” but Prairie Postgres would still remain not “one of the things” I am doing, but “the most important thing” I am going, and hopefully the thing that outlive me :).

Just FYI…

… since people ask. I have blogged very little recently compared to my usual activity, not because I am super busy (I am, but not to that extent), but because I do not want to write about three-quarters of the things happening in my life right now.

It should be over at some point. And I am taking a mental health day tomorrow, and I hope to catch up with life and become more human:).

I Think I Found The Limit

… of how much I can squeeze in one unit of time. Namely, I can’t do something for what I need five days into two and a half days.

That’s what was going on. I confirmed with my friend Lena, who comes every year in December to help me with cookies that she is coming for Dec 6-8, and then I launched my usual cookie advertisement. Two weeks later, Lena told me she wouldn’t be able to make it. It was 100% not her fault; she had an unexpected personal situation, but the fact was that I was on my own. And also, although at least five people told me they would come and help decorate, nobody showed up. On top of it, I had only one weekend instead of two due to the late Thanksgiving, and Vlad going to be in town on the second weekend.

At least I was smart enough to take Friday off (I planned it anyway), but it didn’t help much. Before I had a chance to get to baking:

  • Unpacked and shelved Amazon Fresh deliver
  • Had a call – somebody wanted to connect with me professionally, and that was the first option available, 45 min
  • A visit from a social worker from mom’s insurance (1.5 hours, including walking)
  • going through my baking supplies, finding mice dropping, cleaning the whole pantry, throwing away damaged goods
  • another professional call was scheduled for Friday for the same reason: “I am at home anyway.”
  • Going to the Night Ministry office to drop the presents (the last items I ordered arrived on Thursday, and I couldn’t fit this trip into any other day before the deadline) – two hours

That way, I started baking at 3-30 PM and baked until pretty late. My phone was showing a very low battery, but since I knew I would plug it in for the night, I thought it was not a big deal for it to run out of power. It was already 11-30 PM, and suddenly, the screen went black. I plugged the phone in and waited, but nothing happened, and no buttons could wake it up. I tried three different plugs and waited, and it didn’t even show the battery picture. Finally, i went to bed and left it plugged, and then I woke up at 3-30 AM and saw that the screen was still dead.

To be continued:)

I am a Morning Person!

About Mom, Life, And Other Random Thoughts

Mom wants her freedom, and it’s scary. I understand how she feels, and most likely, if I were in her place, I would feel the same way. I also understand that she can’t really process any new concepts, and I remember what the doctors in the hospital told me: at the end of the day, you do what you can do. I talked to one more potential caregiver last week, and I was trying to talk to my mom about bringing in one more person when I was away, but she was turning the conversation into her usual spiral, no matter where it would start and no matter how hard I tried.

Today, I took her to the matinee concert at the CSO, and she was upset, I am not sure with what, and then she didn’t like anything at the concert, starting with the first piece that was performed and ending with Christoph Eschenbach not wearing a bowtie. I am trying to distance myself from such situations, but at the same time, I always start to worry whether I am moving in the same direction.

I know that I have already started to forget words, and for the past two years, I have been trying to record all occurrences of forgotten words. I believe it was once in two months two years ago, then – once a month, and now almost weekly. The funny thing is that most of my forgotten words are food-related:). The rest are names of people (not the people I knew in the past, but celebrities) and names of places. Boris has nothing of it, and he remembers the names of my former co-workers better than I.

***

Another topic my mom brings up frequently is a statement that she feels sorry for me because although I am an accomplished professional, I didn’t have “magical moments” in my life. I know exactly what she means because she often speaks with pride about some super weird relationships she had, when a guy from her work invited her to a theater or a concert once a month, and sometimes, they went to one of the imperial parks around Saint-Petersburg (actually, Leningrad at that time). She keeps saying that “these days, nobody can even imagine such relationships when there was nothing except for talking.” According to her, the best and most magical part of this relationship was that there was no kissing, no intimacy. They would go out once a month, and he would record tapes for her, and that was it. I can’t imagine why not having something like this in my life makes me “unhappy.” I honestly and truly believe that my life is as close to a fairy tale as possible, and the number of magical events that happened to me is way above the average :). Boris threw a dozen hypotheses, trying to explain what was behind this statement and what kind of reasoning could lead to this conclusion.

I might make a separate post about these hypotheses because I believe there could be some historical reasons for that.