We had several really cold days, and then several just cold days, and we will have several more. On Tuesday, when I called my mom in the evening, she told me that her thermometer in the kitchen showed 10C, which is about 50F. It could not be possible unless there was an actual heating problem, so I told her that if that was the case, she needed to find the heating device in her closet immediately. Otherwise, I will drop everything and come to her. Then I thought again that it was impossible, because the day before it was not hot, but pretty normal in her apartment. So I asked her where both of her thermometers were located, and it turned out that both were close to the window. I asked her to move them in the middle of the room and call me in 30 minutes. When she didn’t call me in 45, I called her again, and she said that she was just writing an email to me, and that when she placed thermometers at her computer desk and at her kitchen table, they both showed around 19.5C, which is about 67F, so quite livable.
Why she was talking about 10C, I am not sure, but I will leave it there. I am trying to remember what the doctor said: at this age, she can do whatever she wants!
This weekend was packed with events. For Christmas, I gave Anna and John the “Hamilton” tickets, and the show was on Saturday evening. Also, I gave a “Penguin Encounter” gift to Nadia, and that experience was on Sunday morning. I planned it in a way that we could fit it all in one trip. In addition, since my mom’s birthday was on January 10, and my birthday is coming next week, we also decided to celebrate both birthdays on Sunday.
Extreme weather (we have had negative temperatures for several days now) altered some details of our plans, but overall, things were great.
Anna and John were really happy with the performance, Kira was cooperative and didn’t throw a tantrum when it was time to go to bed, and we made a bubble bath and read stories. Sunday morning was a little bit hectic because the penguin thing was at 8-30 AM, and we had to be there no later than 8-15, and the weather didn’t call for public transportation.
When John learned what I was giving Nadia for Christmas, he asked whether he could go as well, si we were a party of three. We had to get into the Aquarium through the service entrance because it was before the museum opening, and then we were led to the waiting area. We had to leave all our belongings in the lockers and change into the high rubber boots.
Before we entered the area where we would meet the penguins, we had to step into a disinfection tray. The staff who ran the event told us that we could touch penguins only when the instructor tells us and only the way she shows.
That’s me touching the penguin named Georgia
One of many interesting facts we learned about penguins was that there is no easy way to determine whether it is a male or a female, and the only reliable way is to collect the shell of an egg after the chick hatched and perform a genetic test And if there is not enough material for a genetic test, they have to wait and see whether the penguin would lay an egg. I asked how the pegiguins themselves can figure this out, but apparently the scientists are not sure either.
We all had a great time, and after the experience, we went upstairs to see the exhibits.
The plan was for Anna and Kira to come later and join us at the museum after the show. Since I have a family membership, I didn’t anticipate any problems, the only thing I wanted to double-check was how I could get the extra two people in, when we were already in. And that’s were we found that we had a huge problem.
I didn’t pay attention to the Chicago Free Museum week (because I do not care, I have memberships in most of them), and I should have! It turned out that because of the Free Week, all tickets for Sunday were reserved, and no matter my membership, I couldn’t get more people in! John tried to call Annam but the calls didn’t go through, and we knew that they were already approaching and looking for parking. We decided that I will take Nadia to see more exhibits, and John will keep trying to reach Anna.
Nadia and I went to the Wild Reef, and once again, I forgot that there is no reception downstairs.
After a while, I decided to check on the situation, and then I realised that my messages are not coming through. Meanwhile, an unbelievable thing happened with Anna.
She didn’t know about the ticket situation, so she on crutches, and very cold Kira appeared at the admission, and apparently, the staff didn’t have a heart to send them away. Anna explained that the rest of the family was already in the museum, and that I am a member, and the staff checked with her supervisor and let them in! When Nadia and I emerged from the Wild Reef, we almost immediately ran into the rest of the family! We spent another two hours in the Aquarium, to everybody’s delight.
In the afternoon, we celebrated my mom’s and my birthday at the Italian restaurant close to my home.
Love their ceiling decorations!
They serve pasta in cones, which was very convenient – we ordered six different kinds and shared. Mom was very pleased with the photo album which Anna and I put together, with a big collection of photos pf different generations.
We also gave her several books, and Nadia made a birthday card.
And Anna made this day really special 🙂
And since all of us had MLK Day off, we had a little bit more time together on Monday morning 🙂
Today, my mom turned 89. Also, her follow-up visit happened to be today, just because it’s not easy to find evening appointments so that I won’t need to skip half of my workday. Since her doctor moved to a different office, the whole thing takes more than three hours, including my getting to Mom and getting back from her to my house.
I sent her a birthday email in the morning, saying what I knew would make her happy. I was not lying in this email. She, indeed, does an amazing job living on her own, with all the relativity of this “on her own” and “living independently.” Still, sometimes I forget how old she is – to be honest, we didn’t think she would live that long when she first came to the US.
When we visited the doctor today, she said she hopes to be in such great shape as my mom when she is eighty-nine ). She also asked my mom to tell her what she occupied herself with every day, and my mom gave her a complete list of her activities; she even spoke a little bit of English with the doctor. Speaking of which, they now have a new technology where they can call a translator from the doctor’s office, and not on the phone as it used to be but on a screen mounted on a rolling cart. It looks really cool: a doctor can take it from one room to another and have translators from twenty different languages available instantaneously. Unfortunately (although not surprisingly), my mom couldn’t hear what a translator was saying, so we had to call it off, and I carried out the translator’s duty.
So, the doctor believes my mom is doing great for her age, so I guess I need to accept the fact that what’s going on now is “great for her age.” I am not being sarcastic. I think that I should start to accept the process of my mom’s aging as a reality that nobody can avoid and not be frustrated with any particular incidents. We’ll see how long I will last with this resolution 🙂
On Friday, I took Naida to the CSO Christmas concert. We went to that concert last year, and at that time, I was surprised that Naida sat through the whole thing, even though I told her that we could leave during the intermission if she felt it was too much.
This season, since Anna could not come, and I would have both Nadia and Kira in my house, I asked her whether I should keep the tickets and find a sitter for Kira or return the ticket, and she said – the first one :).
So we went to the concert, and it was amazing! Probably the best concert since the time they stopped doing “stories” for these Christmas concerts.
We had first-row tickets right in front of the conductor. Thomas Wilkins was the best possible conductor for this concert, and Ashley Brown made it spectacular. Thomas Wilkins immediately noticed Nadia in her Sant hat and addressed her when he talked to the audience. Then he asked her to step forward for a second, and when she did, he snatched the Santa hat from her head but returned it right away.
The concert was perfect, with a mix of old and new melodies and a sing-along.
Santa arrived unannounced before the last two songs. They are doing Santa really well in the CSO! Nadia remembered each word Santa said last year, and she was pleased that he didn’t repeat himself. After the last song and applauses, Santa reappeared carrying a music stand, asking the maestro to play one more song, “which everybody from the audience wanted to hear” (audience burst into applause). He added that “although there are no words for this song in the program, everybody in the audience knew them.” Indeed, how could we not? I am so thankful to the CSO for keeping this tradition of “one more song, and we all know what song it is!”
(The recording is one of the previous years).
CHRISTMAS IN CHICAGO Christmas in Chicago is my kind of Christmas It’s just what Christmas ought to be Snowflakes fill the frosty air, skaters frolic on the square And on State Street dazzling windows are a beautiful sight to see Christmas in Chicago, as hearts fill with wonder Lights sparkle all along Magnificent Mile I love Christmas in Chicago, that’s my kind of Christmas At Christmas all Chicago wears a smile The City of Big Shoulders wears a robe of winter white The lion statues wear their wreaths of green Picasso’s sculpture wears a cheerful multicolored glow Reflected from the city’s Christmas tree Christmas in Chicago is music and laughter And singing carols here at Orchestra Hall I love Christmas in Chicago, that’s my kind of Christmas It’s like no other Christmas at all Christmas in Chicago is my kind of Christmas It’s just what Christmas ought to be We’ll make a trip to carol at the zoo in Lincoln Park We’ll sing for kangaroo and chimpanzee We’ll warm up with hot chocolate there and then we’ll go downtown To Marshall Field’s and sit on Santa’s knee Christmas in Chicago is my kind of Christmas It’s just what Christmas ought to be Sleigh bells ring on horsedrawn cabs near Water Tower Place Church bells peal from steeples ’round the town Salvation Army Santas add a joyful ring-a-ling The Loop is filled with happy Christmas sounds Christmas in Chicago is music and laughter And singing carols here at Orchestra Hall I love Christmas in Chicago, that’s my kind of Christmas It’s like no other Christmas at all Chicago’s kind of Christmas is a magic kind of Christmas It’s like no other Christmas at all –Music and lyrics by Gary Fry, Copyright 1996 Fry-By-Night Music (ASCAP)
Yesterday, I went together with John and the girls to get a Christmas Tree.
Unfortunately, most of the trees were too small, and all the bigger ones had some visible defects, but I think we picked the best we could find.
Today, we decorated the tree, and I really enjoyed the process. This one is way smaller than the one I usually have, so decorating is not a multi-hour thing. They have a lot of very interesting old ornaments that feel so good to touch and put on the tree, and the tree looks just adorable!
Today, I am a more human being than I was yesterday and probably for the past several weeks. Yesterday, although I “didn’t do anything,” I was a complete zombie by 9 PM, and today I could function and even do some work, talk to my co-workers, and catch up on some of my personal things. Also, we finally started to make plans for “after.” Many of these plans depend on whether any of my conference submissions will be accepted and which of them. Also, although I am going to be away from work for more than two weeks in December, I still feel that I need some vacation after that :).
Now, being not as sleepy as I was yesterday, I want to repeat that I was very impressed by the level of technology, and with the detailed information we were given. Also, I am looking and the machines Anna is using at home, and I find it incredible that nowadays, they have all kinds of machines you can use at home, and you do not even need to be in the doctor’s office for that.
There is a machine that ices the leg, then another machine that massages the calves, making sure there are no blood clots, and yet another machine to straighten the leg that was operated.
Still, there are a lot of things, big and small, which I can help with, and I am glad I could come.
Anna had her knee surgery today, and everything went great, “to the best possible scenario,” but the recovery will still be long. I was very tired because the whole day was going back and forth, waiting, and there were a lot of uncertainties. What impressed me, however, were all the recent advancements in technology. From the very start, Anna gave the hospital staff the phone numbers of people whom she wanted to keep in the loop, and they were sending text messages about the progress of the operation and also notified us when we should be ready for the surgeon to talk with us after the operation, and when we could go in to see Anna. The surgeon walked us through all the stages of the surgery, showing pictures and explaining what was done (perhaps more details than I needed!) Anna has multiple devices attached to her leg (some of them are for both legs), all preventing different complications. All together, it looks like a kiborg! The buttons flash, and the sounds are heard. I will stay here for four more days, and I hope that the recovery will be smooth.
After the Thanksgiving dinner, my mom told Anna that she was “the only person in that family who had a normal family.” Later, Boris commented that I’d pretended that this statement was not related to us. To be honest, I heard so many things from my mom that nothing can surprise me, so although I realize that my mom meant Vlad’s family, my own family, and Igor’s absence of the family, I can happily ignore what she says.
Last week, however, I was really surprised by what she said. Actually, it was not the first time she said the same thing, but I was surprised she brought it up again. She said that she was sorry that life was so unfair to me that I didn’t have any special romantic relationships. This statement was so off the charts that it took me a lot of self-reflection not to say anything (when I told Boris about that, the look of surprise on his face was something I do not see that often:)).
My mom refers to one of her life stories when there was a person with whom she met once or twice a month for a couple of years, and they would go to the theater performance or to one of many suburban palace parks around Saint Petersburg. He also recorded lengthy messages on tape for her (she saved them, and I digitized them several years ago.) When she talks about these relationships, she proudly says that “there was no sex or anything like this” and that “nowadays, people can’t even imagine that it is possible.” I do not understand why having sexless relationships is something to be proud of and something I should regret not having. Sometimes, I really want to ask her whether she ever had a satisfying sexual life – ever. Also, I find it very difficult to understand why having six years of marriage to my father, and then having a couple of these sexless stories, and then having over ten years of secret relationships with a married man in Moscow – why this is more “normal” and better than my family life.
Family life and life in general is not about romantic escapades. It’s about building a life together, understanding each other, and supporting each other in all possible ways. I understand that when you are seventeen, you might think that love is about demonstrating your feelings, but I am long past that; even though Boris says that we are not the most rational people in the world and we do crazy things often, it’s a different kind of craziness 🙂
Actually, the thing I am most thankful for this year is how our relationships reached a new level and how we learned to appreciate each other – even more than before.
Boris and I went to Milwaukee today to visit the girls. We didn’t plan it originally, but Anna had a very bad knee injury, and Boris wanted to go to cheer her up (not like I didn’t want to, but I have more options to visit). I do not want to go into Anna’s medical details here, but the last three weeks were not easy. Anna told me earlier that Nadia and Kira were very helpful, and today, I got a chance to see for myself.
I was astonished by the changes in both girls since I last saw them a month ago. It felt like they became two years older in all imaginable ways. Nadia has her own bus pass and her own library card, which she carries in her wallet. She showed me a page-long essay she wrote and her geometry assignment. Kira’s speech made a huge leap. Both Nadia and Kira are very helpful at home. Kira can load and unload a dishwasher, and while I was there, she spent at least twenty minutes doing the dishes, rinsing the plates from the traces of food, and loading the dishwasher.
We went to IKEA together (Anna used a scooter inside the store), and then we (mostly Boris and Nadia) assembled a gigantic Kollax section.
A couple of pictures from today:
Walking to the Union Station. I rarely visit this pat of the Loop these days, and I forgot how stunningly beautiful this bridge is!Approaching Milwaukee
Mom’s SSI application was denied again. I can’t even say I feel bad about it because, to be honest, we can survive without it. The lady who worked with me on the phone two weeks ago and with whom I talked today was a real angel. She made me feel like she was really trying to do the best for me, and she repeated multiple times that she completely understood our situation, but the rules are what they are. And again, I understand that it’s fair. I was very nervous about this whole thing for the past two weeks, and now life will just go on. She said we would be able to apply again in three years (a little bit less, but whatever), and that is before my retirement, so hopefully, we can last for that long.
I will need to figure out whether we can still apply for subsidized housing, and after January 1, she can apply for Medicare, but for now, I am going to take a break from all of these activities. My time is more important, and when it is wasted, it is wasted.
Unrelated, but also happened today: I went to see an eye doctor about my double vision. Not like I wanted, but when I asked for new prizm glasses in summer, an optometrist told me that he wanted me to check with a specialist whether anything else could be done. Nobody suggested anything radical to me for the past twenty years, but I decided to give it a shot. Another two and a half hours are wasted, and the result is the same: nothing that we can do for you. Just put a patch over your left eye when you go to the movies. Oh, well.
Hettie's Reflections 