…for friends because the family already knows. Mom fell during her Friday morning walk and hurt her head really badly. She was taken to the ER, and since I had my phone in her phone as an emergency contact, somebody called me, so I went there right away. Fortunately, that was this once-a-month thing when I worked from home (I had a seasonal furnace tune-up).
We thought it would not be a big deal because although there was a lot of blood, they didn’t even need to stitch her, just glue the wound. However, the CT scan showed brain bleeding, so she was left in an ICU overnight. I spent eight hours there yesterday and came there in the morning. They released her home with 24/7 supervision, so now we are figuring out how to make things work.
I tried to do a couple of things with my mom last weekend. I always try to take her to places because I believe it’s at least stimulating and, sometimes, gives her positive emotions. On Saturday, I took her to the Art Institutes – the Georgia O’Keeffe exhibit will be closing soon, and I never took her there. I was hoping she would like it, even though she never heard about Georgia O’Keeffe.
This went really well. First, she didn’t want to listen to me, like literally tuning herself off, and when I asked her why, she said that “she won’t remember it all anyway.” I told her I just wanted to give her a perspective on time and place, and then she listened, and then she actually liked the paintings.
After we saw an exhibit, I took her to the members’ lounge, and we had coffee and sandwiches. It was the first time for me to get some food there rather than just free coffee. I loved the prosciutto and pear toast!
Then I walked my mom down by the Bridgeway, and we stopped at the Bean:
And then I walked her home. The total time for me was almost five hours, almost twice as much as I planned but I do not regret it: it was a positive experience.
On Sunday, I took her to the Glenwood Street Market. That was something I wanted to do it for a while since they give coupons for Link Cards, and they double the amount. So I was hoping that she will finally stop saying “everything is so expensive” and get something for herself.
We achieved a moderate success, because as it turned out, her assistive device can’t move on the cobblestone surface, and without it, she can’t take a lot with her. But at least I convinced her to exchange $100 in EDBT card for $200 coupons to be used at the market, and we were able to spend some of them! When I stopped by on Monday, she didn’t try any of the produce we bought, because “she had something she bough earlier.” I hope that it won’t go to waste at the end! Again, this whole outing took twice more time than I planned, but again, I thing it was worth it.
I just realized I didn’t hit “publish” on yesterday’s post. And I know why I didn’t – I wanted to add that for the third year in a row, on Vlad and Anna’s birthday, I think not about the last Russian revolution which was happening when they were born, but about Ukraine Independence Day, and the war, and about everything my generation didn’t do back then. Then I decided that I would write a separate post about it, and then I didn’t press “Post.”
The birthday was yesterday. Today, we just did things together: we went to the beach, had a post-birthday lunch, and then went to Chalk Howard, decorated our square and looked at how others decorated their’s.
The number of people on the beach was insane:
I was glad that we camped in the part which is usually less crowded because there are small rocks in the water. We had a great time and a lot of space around us. And Chalk Howard was a blast, as always.
Our square – I think next year I will buy two or three squares to accommodate all the art our family can create:) Anna reads Igor’s birthday card
Today, my twins turned thirty-three, and I have no idea when it happened 🙂 I even checked my calculation several times to ensure I was right!
Every year, on the day they are born, I tell myself and the rest of the world that having them was the best decision I ever made. Their presence in my life drove many of my decisions, which would have been drastically different otherwise.
***
This week, I listened to “Moral Decision Making,” one of the Audible Great courses. Once again, the lecturer explained that what Boris and I did thirty-six years ago was completely and unquestionably morally wrong—not like I didn’t know it before. But that was the best thing that happened to both him and me. Not only because there won’t be Vlad and Anna otherwise but also because even thirty-six years later, I smile each time I think about him, and he smiles each time he thinks about me. And this is the most impossible thing in the world, which never happens :).
On Monday, I had a surprise visit with Anna and the girls. They stopped at my place on their way to John’s family summer house in MI, and I was overjoyed to hear that they were coming. I didn’t have any specific plans for that evening except for finishing several things I hadn’t finished over the weekend, but even if I did, I would rearrange them.
We had an amazing time, partially, I think, because of it being completely unplanned. When I told Boris about this surprise visit, he said that he was glad that Anna trains me in spontaneity. And that is something I want to keep enjoying.
At some point, I became too dependent on my plans and feeling unhappy when things are not going as planned. And while planning is a key to success, I always remember the day when I had my first ultrasound which revealed that I was having twins. To my gloomy: That’s a little bit unplanned, the technician replied: Sometimes unplanned economy can be very successful! She was alluding to the “socialist planned economy” v.s. “capitalist unplanned economy,” which made it especially funny. Yep, the most unplanned thing in my life was the best thing ever happened to me!
I worked from home on Friday, and it was surprisingly good. Most times, my attempts to work from home result in frustration: I spend time prepping my meals and doing something around the house, thereby spending less time on work activities and thereby not being able to step away for a bike ride or for a beach break. Since I started working at my current company, each time I tried to work at home during Boris’ visits, I would regret it and resent not doing work and not doing non-work.
But last Friday was different, and now I want to build on this positive experience. I think that the perfect start of the day was the decisive factor: I did strength training first thing in the morning, then Boris and I went swimming, and when we were done, I ordered a takeout breakfast at Charmers. It’s a little bit over a ten-minute walk from the beach, so our order was ready just in time. We ate breakfast at home, and I started my workday right after that. It was a little bit later start time than my usual, but that was fine with everyone, and then I could work without interruptions. It was a very busy day, I had to service three internal customers simultaneously, and I was up to the challenge.
We had lunch together, and I was able to finish my workday at 4:30, so we had time to bike afterward and do a couple of other things. As I said, I hope to reproduce this success in the future.
***
The weekend was doing nothing in the best possible way – a long bike ride, more lake, and me cooking our favorite dishes. Boris hinted that in Finland, they eat salmon soup even when it’s hot outside, so I made some.
I also made tiramisu, and we ate it all 🙂
It was too hot for outdoor activities at midday (at least for Boris), so we spent a lot of time just sitting inside and talking. It was great since I constantly feel that we do not have enough time for that, and I do not want to put my life on hold until retirement!
During my mom’s last doctor’s visit (we switched to the new primary care doctor) I mentioned that she refuses to use her cane when walking, and as a result, she falls often. The doctor suggested trying Nordic sticks instead: “Canes are for old people,” he said, winking, – “for those who can’t walk. and we are going to exercise, like active people.” I purchased the sticks, and on Saturday, we had a “test drive”.
I was surprised with how fast my mom got it. I noticed that she is not operating with her left hand the same way as with her right (and I asked her whether she keeps doing her hand exercises and reminded her to keep doing them. Also, I will need to check on whether she is using the sticks on her morning walks. But still, I was ready for her “I can’t do it,” but she did.
On Sunday, we had an early celebration of Nadia’s and Kira’s birthdays. Our original plans changed dramatically due to circumstances beyond our control, but the day ended up being so busy that it was probably for good that some things were canceled.
The day included a trip to the Sunday Market, getting the annuals for my balcony, the beach, pizza, presents, and the cake – what could be better!
The week before last was quite challenging on the “mom’s front.” She forgot again that since the start of the war, we haven’t congratulated her on V-Day. And to be honest, no matter how many times I tell myself that it does not really matter, that she is where she is mentally and can’t reason straight, I still can’t create a version of the “Goodbye Lenin” movie. I can’t make myself think that “it doesn’t matter.” I can’t make myself to say anything celebratory. We talked about this two years ago. A year ago. She kept bringing it up again this year, and I ended up raising my voice and being upset, and the latter one was completely unnecessary.
The WWII Veterans’ organization organized a concert and a celebration at a restaurant, and my mom was invited to both. Later, she told me that at one of the events, another veteran asked her whether she had a social worker. When my mom replied that she didn’t have one, they kept asking who did shopping for her and who cooked and cleaned. She proudly replied that she was doing all of it by herself.
I remember how excited I was when I learned that I could get a social worker for her and offload some of my responsibilities. And I remember how upset she became when I told her that this could be an option. I see at least two different aspects here.
It was the busiest Mother’s Day weekend I ever had, and I worried that it would be too hectic, but it was great! On Saturday, Nadia and I went to the CSO matinee concert “for big kids.”
It was great as always. The concert was called “The Sound Waves,” and all the pieces that were performed had something to do with water and its symbolism. The program included music by Saint-Saens, Wagner, Sibelius, Tchaikovsky, and Mendelssohn, and at the end, the orchestra played Stravinsky’s Suite from The Firebird.
After the concert, there was a kid-friendly reception at Forte. Anna was skeptical about how “kids-friendly” it was going to be, but it was amazing! They had both adult’s and kids’ food (even peanut butter/jelly sandwiches :)) and lots of fruits and vegetables.
Then, we all went to Milwaukee because Nadia had a recital later the same day. That was the part I was unsure about: obviously, we didn’t plan on the concert and recital on the same day! However, everything went perfectly, Nadia was the first to perform at the recital, and she did great. Anna accompanied her, which was especially enjoyable.
In the evening, we had one more adventure. Somehow, we all missed the news about the Northern Lights (and even if we knew, there was no time to go anywhere after the Field Museum Night). Then, we became jealous of all the people posting amazing photos, and since there were more chances for the Northern Lights to reappear the next night, Anna suggested we go away from the city lights pollution and try to catch them.
We didn’t get a chance to see them; as it turned out, they appeared after 11:30PM, and we left at about 10:30, but we didn’t regret that we went on this adventure. I can’t recall when was the last time I saw a clear night sky away from the city. All the constellations, and the Milky Way, and a shiny half-moon – everything was up there above us! The parking lot of the forest preserve was full of cars: many people had an idea similar to ours. We asked for the way to the beach and followed the stone steps down to the lake. We stood there together with other people, staring into the sky. Then, we saw the lights of the police car. We were sure they would kick us out: the park closing time was 10 PM, but the officer got out of the car, approached us, and asked sympathetically: nothing yet?
He said that the night before, there was a huge crowd at the beach, but the police didn’t kick the people out: it’s a once-in-a-lifetime event; how could we! We were just making sure everybody’s fine.
We stayed there for a little bit longer, but since we were unsure whether anything was going to happen, we left. It was still amazing :).
Then, there was an actual Mother’s Day, and Anna cooked the most delicious breakfast (and I didn’t take pictures!), and then I went back to Chicago. The weather was gorgeous, I could actually go to the beach, but I decided in favor of biking – I didn’t have a chance to go biking for several days. Then I went to see my mom, and there was a little bit of disaster, but that’s a separate story. The most important thing is that my Mother’s Day was amazing, and I also got a new Dunes t-shirt from Igor and also my friend mailed me this very special gift:
Hettie's Reflections 