Tag: family

Thanksgiving

There were things to be thankful for: Anna and John finally sold their “old” house, and Anna got a new job which she starts on Monday. Other family members had probably less impressive news, but still. At least, Boris didn’t have any travel obstacles, and was here (he said there was absolutely no line on the border control; apparently, nobody wants to come visit us anymore!)

The day before Thanksgiving we had a wind out of the ordinary, with gusts over 50 MpH. When I was in a workout session with my trainer, I looked out of the window, and saw something surreal: there was something flying in the sky! My first thought was: what are these birds? But them I realized that these were not birds, but the dry leaves! The wind blew them up from the ground to at least the seventh floor! i tried to take pictures after my training session ended, but the leaves were flying too fast, and I didn’t get any good pictures.

Later, when I went to pick up my pies from Vanille across the street, the wind was almost picking me up! I had to turn by back toward the wind to walk, and as it turned out, I couldn’t save all the pies – the cranberry merengue was partially ruined, because the wind was knocking the boxes, no matter how hard I tried to keep them from bouncing. I asked Boris to meet me at the train station to help me to carry the pies home, and if I won’t ask, I am afraid the consequences would be worse!

We unfolded the tables on Wednesday evening, and in the morning, I started making the salads and preparing everything for the turkey. Anna-and-family-and-friends arrived by 10 AM, and started the turkey, and we finished the rest of the food prep.

Nadia and Kira stayed in the sunroom for most of the time, and we didn’t hear any screams or arguments, so I asked Anna whether this feels suspicious for her. Then, the girls came to distribute the tickets for the puppet show, and in another hour, we all were called to watch it. I was very impressed with what they’ve done! They made the puppets for the shadow theater out of black paper and secured them on black pencils with tape. They put up a screen, and a floor lamp so that they could project, and came up with a Christmas – theme skit. They also made tickets, and numbered the seats.

After they were done, we were allowed to have a backstage tour, and they showed as the puppets, and then, without any prompt from me, Nadia said that they were going to disassemble them, and make pencils to be pencils again 🙂

Weekend With The Girls

Since we spent most of Friday waiting for the heater to be repaired, we didn’t go to the Navy Pier as we originally planned. However, the weather was great, so I insisted on going outside at least for a little bit.

Kira is great in spotting little things, like noticing this ladybug in the fallen leaves
Also, if it weren’t for Kira, I wouldn’t notice how beautiful the ginkgo yellow leaves are!
And I never paid attention to the ginkgo fruits
Continue reading “Weekend With The Girls” →

Two Days Of Disasters

My plans for this first week back from Helsinki included some cultural and volunteering activities each day of the week. On some days, I had several to choose from, and I was doing my mental Tetris to fit in at least two things in one night.

On Wednesday, I was going to attend a concert, but I decided against it at the very last moment. I had zero time during the day to do anything except work, and the conference things began to pile up. Also, I knew that my upgraded phone and my new laptop had arrived, and I needed to start the transition.

When I returned home, I immediately noticed that it was a little bit colder than it should have been. Sometimes this happens when my Ecobee knows I am not at home, but it didn’t look like it was the case that time. I heard the HVAC working, but no heat was coming out of it. At first, I thought that I would wait till morning to call the service, but then I decided to leave them a message. It was already after 9 PM, and their AI assistant took my call. I told them that it could wait until morning, but asked them to leave a message for the staff.

On Thursday, I planned to work from home anyway. Since Anna was bringing the girls in the evening, and I was planning to attend a concert, I figured I would work from home, visit my mom during the lunch break, get the house ready, and then head to the concert. So at a glance, it was not a huge plan interruption. Except for when they called me at 7 AM, they said they only had afternoon appointments available, but they could put me on standby if someone canceled. I didn’t go to my mom because I was waiting, and finally, they called me after four to say that they were 45 minutes away.

I decided to visit my mom briefly, and messaged my neighbor that, most likely, I won’t be able to go to the concert. FInally, the repair person arrived and informed me that one really expansive part broke, and that he didn’t have it in his trunk, and hopefully tomorrow.

Theoretically, I still could go to the concert, but I was in a completely wrong mood for that, so I tried to do some more work and to get the house ready for the weekend. Things never break “on time,” but retrospectively, I was lucky that it was not too cold yet, so all of us didn’t get cold overnight. The bad part was that we couldn’t go anywhere far from the house, because the service was scheduled for “between 10 AM and 2 PM.” We went to the playground for a little bit, and returned home to wait for the repair. When a repair person arrived, they found one more problem and fixed it. It was great, but by then, it was already 2 PM so we couldn’t go to any of the museums.

In addition to this heater saga, my mom was upset that they were going to do a repair in her bathroom (do not ask me why she was upset about fixing things!), and there were several major issues at work.

However, today, four days later, I am glad that all of this ahppened when the outside temperature was 50F, not yesterday, when it was barely 30F with the wind making it feel even colder and several inches of snow overnight!

Being Married In The USSR

When Igor and I decided to get married, there was no question that I would move in to live with him and his mother and stepfather. Having our own place was absolutely out of the question: as I mentioned earlier, the housing market didn’t exist, and only a very small fraction of people rented; the vast majority lived in their “given” apartments. I didn’t have a room of my own: I shared a room with my mother in the same gigantic apartment on Galernaya Street – my childhood apartment. Igor lived with his parents (as everyone did), but he had his own room, so I was supposed to move there.

That might explain the alarm of his parents: all of a sudden, they were getting a roommate. One thing we did a little bit differently: I said from the start that we would have our own household, meaning that we would cook separately and have our own budget. I was used to that situation because that’s how my mom and I lived in one apartment with my father’s relatives, but for Igor’s parents, it was something unheard of. To their credit, they didn’t make a big deal out of it.

Later I learned that they were absolutely sure that we rushed to get married because I was pregnant, and since I got pregnant shortly after the marriage (that’s what we wanted, or rather, I wanted and Igor agreed), they were still sure it was the case, and were surprised at the end. After our son was born, we overheard Igor’s mom saying to somebody over the phone: nine months and six days! That was the time between our marriage and the birth of Igor-junior.

Igor’s parents had a washing machine, which not everyone had at that time. What I learned, however, was that they used it in an interesting way: they would turn it on once a month or so, and do several washes. Since there was no custom of daily clothes changing, everything was worn for several days and required more than a quick rinse. Igor’s mom used to soak everything in the bathtub before washing. The soaking could take a couple of days, and during this time, it was not possible to take a shower 😂. I was alarmed only the first time, but later I got used to the situation.

A more challenging thing was that Igor’s mom had almost all of his clothes in this dirty laundry pile just before our wedding, and then she got upset with him. I forgot about what, and she pulled all of his dirty laundry out of the big pile and handed it to me; now, I was in charge.

Needless to say, I found it absolutely normal. The only thing that bothered me was the fact that it was very difficult to hand-wash the clothes, which stayed in a dirty pile for weeks. I spent a long time scrubbing the dirty shirt collars, and fortunately, I never had to do it again, since I washed everything right away.

The only chores we did together with Igor were shopping, at least sometimes. I was doing cooking, dishes, laundry, and ironing. I didn’t think something was wrong with that: that’s what all wives were doing, it was normal, expected, and was a source of pride: I am a good wife, and I can “serve” my husband well.

It was all fine during the first six months of our marriage because I had just a few classes left in the University, and was finalizing my thesis, so I could focus on “being a wife.” I still worked on some tasks Boris gave me, but it was far from being “full-time employed.” Later, when I started working, things became more challenging.

My historical posts are being published in random order. Please refer to the page Hettie’s timeline to find where exactly each post belongs and what was before and after.

What Defines Me (And What Doesn’t)

Yesterday, I chatted with My Favorite Coworker, with whom we didn’t have a chance to chat for a while. Among other things, we talked about my big goals in life, what I want to accomplish before retirement, and what my current priorities are. At the end of this conversation, he said: And you know, at some point, you will have grandchildren, and your priorities might change.

I stared at him: I do have grandchildren! I have two granddaughters, ages five and eight, how come you do not know?! And yes, I take them for bike rides, and museums, and places, and I love them dearly, but they do not define my life.

As I said that was almost the end of our conversation, and we started walking to our respective desks. I repeated again: I can’t believe, you didn’t know I am a grandma! How could that happen? And he said: perhaps, because you do not look like grandma! I replied: I am a cool grandma!

I love being a grandma, and really love my girls, and I love doing things together with them, but being a grandma is not what defines me.

And speaking about that, I appreciate immensely my fellow escorts from the Tuesday early morning shift, with whom we chatted about where we travel, and what jobs do we do, and about our families, and neither of them asked me where is my accent from. Huge thanks for that 🙂

Unexpected Find

Last week, my mom told me, as she often says, that “she needs time when I won’t be in a rush, because she needs to tell me something and to show me something.” And if you think that I am dismissive and not paying attention to something important, I have tried to listen to “something important” many times in the past five years, so I sort of knew what was coming.

Still, I acknowledged the request and suggested that she probably could tell me something on that day, when I was not that rushed, and then we could sit together for another hour late in the week. She replied that “an hour was not enough” and she needs “half a day.” Realistically estimating her endurance, I could not imagine any activity for longer than two hours, and told her that I could come any time she wants on Saturday, so that she could have as much time as she needs (I was indeed flexible on Saturday, and knew it wouldn’t be half a day). She tried to ask “when it was convenient for me,” and I told her any time would work, so she asked me to come at 11 AM. Knowing her meal schedule meant that it wouldn’t be more than an hour and a half, and it was.

First, she said that she “wanted to show me where things are so that I know where to look when she passes away.” I already knew, because she showed it to me many times, but she took out three bags with documents again. There was a bag with Russian documents and another with American documents, so I told her it was all good and that she needed to keep them all. She was about to put everything away, but then she said: Oh, we didn’t go over the third one!

We started with the third one, and she showed me a purse which she had shown me before with some small amounts of dollars, euros, and rubles, which she used to carry with her when she still traveled. But then, she opened other envelopes, and I saw that there was a lot of money! In dollars, euros, and rubles! I said: Mom, why is this money here? We put all your money into the bank when you first came to the US! What I figured out looking at the receipts was that she brought this money with her when she first came (and later she was always telling me that she is afraid to carry money on her, so even when she still traveled, Boris had to bring her pension converted to dollars, back to the US.

My hypothesis is that she didn’t trust me when she came, and decided to stash some money “under the pillow,” just in case. And then she forgot about it, but not until recently, because I remember her showing me “everything” several times.

I took the US money, except for small bills, which I hope she will remember to use for tips and deposited it to the bank. Euros will travel to Helsinki. Rubles won’t go anywhere.

Oh, and as for the important things she wanted to tell me, it was something she told me multiple times previously, and with more details. But that’s what I expected, so I sat politely and listened.

The Only True Emergency

For the past year or two, I have always written my schedule for mom on the whiteboard in her kitchen, listing when I will visit her, when I call her, and when I just email her because I would return home too late to call. Since she does not understand that “life happens,” and sometimes things can be delayed, I always add some extra time, and most times, I schedule emails instead of sending them when I am actually on my way home.

On Thursday, I was at Joffrey Ballet, and was immensely enjoying every moment of the performance when I saw a call from my mom coming up on my watch. Everything was on silent, of course, so I just clicked the hang-up button, but a minute later the call repeated. I pressed the red button again, and five minutes later, I saw a text message coming from my mom’s caregiver. You might imagine how I felt; however, I waited for the second intermission, and then got out into the foyer and looked at the text message. Since the message was simply I need to talk to you,” I dialed back, and it turned out that it was nothing related to my mom (and she didn’t know I was at the show). I answered her questions, and scheduled the email to my mom for the time I will be out of the theater: “Hi, all good, I am on my way home. I saw that you called. Perhaps you forgot I am watching a ballet tonight, but I hope you figured it out by now. Talk to you tomorrow!”

When I was already on the Red line. (and my scheduled email went out), I saw my mom calling me! She never calls me after nine, and it was 10:40, so to say I was surprised would be an understatement. I picked up the call and heard her shouting: I already took my dentures out, and my hearing aid out, but I saw your message and I wanted to let you know that my internet is down!”

Yes, that’s the only thing she considers an emergency, and that’s the only time she calls me …well, any time!

I emailed her a reminder about how to turn her modem off and back on. On Friday morning, she called me at work to report that this didn’t help, and she wouldn’t listen to my explanation that I really can’t talk at work. In the evening, since things were still not working, I asked Igor to stop by her, and it turned out that she accidentally put her computer into flight mode! I would never guess!

New Field Museum Exhibit, And How I Took My Mom There

Last week, a new exhibit,  “After the Age of Dinosaurs,” opened in the Field Museum. There was a members-only access event on Tuesday evening, and after a long break, I decided to give it a try and take my mom there. I was encouraged by the suggestion of her caregiver that she could travel with her to the museum, and I can come there after work and meet them right there. That way, her caregiver would also have a chance to see the exhibit.

We planned everything seemingly perfectly, but since my mom walks slowly, and they had to switch from the Red line train to the bus, this trip took them a very long time. And my mom felt it even longer.

Then she had to eat something (I planned on that, because I knew that would be the time for her to eat), and it also took a very long time, and she could not choose what to eat, and then she asked how much did it cost, and complained that everything is expensive (even though she didn’t have to pay anything).

When we entered the exhibit, she started to ask how “they” (who put up the exhibit) knew what things looked like 66 million years ago, and then said that they just made things up since there was no way to know. I tried to remind her that she learned about different geological periods of the history of the Earth at school, citing the archeological discoveries and radiocarbon dating, but it didn’t look like she remembered.

The same went for the fossilized plants. The exhibit showcased some prehistoric plants that were distant predecessors of the plants we use widely today, such as chocolate trees or apple trees. She asked skeptically, “How did the scientists know these were the prehistoric apples?” and ultimately concluded that “they made it all up.”

Possibly, this is something trending on the Russian internet these days; I know that the theories of “everything is made up” emerge from time to time.

After that exhibit, we briefly saw the Reptiles exhibit, and I just walked her directly to the actual live reptiles, bypassing all the displays with scientific information.

I got Uber home, and on the way back, she was saying that “she does not understand why there were so many people there, why they were interested, why there were so many children, and why parents explained something to them and they seemed to listen.”

I don’t know what to make of this experience, except that it should be Uber both ways. I am afraid that if I were to stop taking her anywhere, she will mentally decline even more rapidly than now. However, if she is unable to process any new information, I am unsure what good it would do. So still figuring this out.

End Of Summer

It was a very good end of summer. Oftentimes, when Boris is here, I end up being even more tired than “normal,” and after he goes back, I feel like I need to catch up with life for at least two weeks. It didn’t happen this time.

I took last Friday off, making it an “extra-long” weekend, and for these four days, I managed to remove myself from work almost entirely. We were doing all sorts of “normal” things; I don’t know how else to say it, but I truly felt like I had four days off, not four days to catch up on things.

I was sad that it became sharply colder the next day after Boris’ arrival, but that’s the weather he likes, and if it were warmer, we might not be able to bike as much as we did. Biking was amazing; I believe it was the first time since I moved to Rogers Park that we biked together, and I didn’t worry about him not seeing the cars. Both of our new bikes are great, and after a whole week of biking together, I’ve completely come to terms with how much they cost.

On Labor Day, the warmth had partially returned, and I went to the beach immediately after I saw Boris off. To my surprise, the water was still warm! As my neighbor commented, the wind was from the East, so all the warm water stayed in. Thank you, Lake!

Past Birthdays

August 23 was Vlad’s and Anna’s 34th birthday, and I had plans to publish a historical post about this actual date (I already have one on my timeline, but without many details). However, I had too much life for a lengthy historical post (it might come at some point in the future, maybe next year when they will be 35 :)).

For the past month, I tried to arrange Vlad’s visit to Chicago, which is as challenging as you could imagine, given his work schedule and his ambitions. I am very thankful that he was able to make it, even though it was for less than 24 hours. Boris and I haven’t seen him for over a year, so I tried to make it happen when Boris is here. When we were discussing the schedule, I said that any day except for Tuesday would work, and of course, the only day Vlad could make was Tuesday!

Anyway, we met for an early dinner at the Gage to celebrate Boris’ 75th and their 34th birthdays, and I presented the T-shirts designed by Boris for the occasion: