Hettie’s Reflections – Blog Posts

Mom

A quick review of the past couple of weeks. Health-wise, she is doing great. I took her to her doctor two weeks ago (that was the hospital visit follow-up), and he was really impressed. He said that unless there are any concerns, he does not need to see her until June. At the same time, after we reported everything that happened to my mom, he looked at me and said: you realize that that’s just the beginning? Make sure to call her every morning to check that everything is alright.

I understand that, and that was one of the reasons I was still looking for a caregiver closer to my mom’s house. The one who started to visit my mom before I went on my trip, turned out to be great. Mom really likes her, and I asked her to meet with my mom at least once a week even if there are no specific needs. It is also great that she can take my mom to places where my help is not really needed, like the nail salon. I even asked her to take my mom to the blood test. To be honest, this small help frees up a lot of my work time, and that’s the primary reason I feel like I am becoming a human being again.

We ran out of the nurses’ visits, which was not so bad because there were objectively no reasons for them and because my mom insisted on somebody being there during the visits, even though the nurse spoke Russian. The insurance won’t cover it anymore; as I said, it’s good enough for now.

One of the things the nurse arranged was a social worker’s visit. Mom had this weird idea that if she would admit she needed help, I would send her to the nursing home, so she always said that she didn’t need any help. The social worker came anyway, and she assigned a Russian-speaking case manager for Mom. This case manager called me a week later (not three weeks later, as we were told). I had to take off work again, but at least I got some valuable information, especially regarding the subsidized housing. Now that I have learned how it works, I am not surprised that we are experiencing a housing crisis. Anyway, I contacted both subsidized housing and filled in applications. One was accepted, and another was returned, and we still need to fix the issues and turn it back. I don’t know what to make out of the fact that two houses have entirely different applications!

For a reason unknown to me, my mom believes that she will be placed in a room “with somebody else,” and she still thinks that it’s “a nursing home.” I hope she will realize that this housing is much better than where she lives now and, more importantly, that she will have Russian-speaking neighbors. To be honest, that’s the sole reason I want her to move into one of these buildings, and if I could pay the full price for her to live there, I would be happy to do so!

In addition, the case manager performed a memory evaluation for my mom, and since I know what it should look like, I realized that she did a very basic one. I guess that anything better than complete dementia is considered to be “ok” at this age. A side note: my mom got very upset with this evaluation and said that she is not a mad old lady :), which is very true!

I think those are all updates for now!

One More Time Magazine Article: Immigration Playbook

One of many good articles I saw recently: Democrats Need a New Immigrant Playbook. The fact that most new immigrants tend to be more conservative is well-known, and I was wondering why it has been so widely ignored. My co-worker who came to the US a while ago from Venezuela told me right away: these are the worst of our people; I do not want to see them here.

The full text is under the cut.

Continue reading “One More Time Magazine Article: Immigration Playbook” →

Hope Instead Of Cynicism

I really love this Time Magazine Essay: If Optimism Feels Ridiculous Now, Try Hope.

I love that it highlights the danger of cynicism, which I pointed out so many times recently, and I love that it explains the power of hope.

Although you can read the full text of the article below, as usual, I also wanted to highlight a very important paragraph:

Research clearly demonstrates that more than 80% of Americans—including Democrats and Republicans voters—would prefer greater peace between political parties; most respect democratic rule. Across surveys, a supermajority of the country support policies to protect poor people and the climate. But almost no one knows that.

Both Democrats and Republicans vastly overestimate how extreme, hateful, anti-democratic, and violent their opponents are. Media companies thrive on outrage, inundating us with extreme and inflammatory portrayals of the “other side.” When we uncritically consume these messages, we miss out on vast swaths of common ground that most Americans share.

That’s, by the way, what surveys were showing even before the elections, and that’s what votes were saying going to the polls. I am glad that I see more and more in-depth analysis of why Americans voted the way they voted. There is no time to cry. It’s time to get things done.

Continue reading “Hope Instead Of Cynicism” →

And Things Being Done

Slowly and surely (knock on wood), things are moving forward. At least at that moment, I am not paralyzed with fear that I am behind on all my promises – just about one-third of them 🙂

Work:  pushing a couple of big projects forward and finalizing documentation (the hardest part).

Conference: moving. I wish I would know how much longer it will take until all formalities are finalized and how much longer it will be until the website is up, but at least things are not stalled.

PUG: had the last meetup of 2024, and the emergency speaker replacement worked great

NFP: problems are getting resolved at a speed that makes me nervous: when everything goes so smoothly, I am afraid that “I didn’t notice something”

I am catching up with all of the Christmas planning: cookies/supplies/addresses/cookie boxes/cards/ordered a tree delivery and a tree removal/about half of the presents is purchased.

The Thanksgiving food is all purchased (unless I forgot something, as usual!)

What Are Children For? A Book Review

I finished this book a while ago and didn’t give it any rating. I finally gave it three stars, but it’s not like “the book was worse than I anticipated.” I learned about this book from the Point Magazine newsletter – they ran several articles on that topic before the book was out, and it sounded interesting enough for me to invest in reading rather than listening :). As I said, I finished it a while ago, and still can’t formulate my opinion about it.

Maybe it would be better just to summarize my view on the subject: I do not understand what it is there to argue about. Some people want children (I was thinking about having children as the best thing that will eventually happen in my life since I was fifteen). Some people do not want children. Some people change their minds as life goes on. Some people want to have just one child, some want to have many and enjoy having many. Never in my life could I understand what’s the argument. As long as I can remember, I have always believed that all children should be wanted and that a woman should have as many or as few children as she is willing to have, including zero. End of story. End of argument. No judgment.

***

The authors, Anastasia Berg and Rachel Wiseman, performed extensive research on the history of the subject, and I learned many new facts about how the choice of not having children was viewed throughout human history. In addition, they reviewed multiple literary works on that topic. Although I really appreciate them being so thorough, it felt almost “too much” with lots of repetitions. A disturbing part was the one where they cited responses to their survey. Some of the survey participants said that they would have children only if they were able to provide them with the same opportunities as they had as children, “including private tennis lessons.” (yes, that was one of the responses; I am not making it up!)

Again and again, I do not get why there should be any “whys” at all. Do some people want to make a good impression on others, or are they trying to fool themselves? I don’t know. There is a whole chapter about people who “do not want to bring children into this world when we have a global climate crisis.” It sounds so strange to me and so illogical.

In addition, again and again, I hear all the arguments about “you can’t have it all.” And when I read through some of the detailed explanations, I can see what these working mothers mean. One says: “Either I am making a Halloween costume for my child, or I am attending a meeting; I can’t do both simultaneously.” That makes me wonder, since when you are a bad mother if you do not hand-make a Halloween costume for your child? For several years, we had an agreement that I would hand-make a costume for only one of my three children, and the other two would have to either store-bought costumes or we would use some props we found at home. And if I ever emotionally scarred my children, it was for reasons other than not making Halloween costumes. (It’s also worth mentioning that I love making costumes, and it won’t be the case I won’t be making any! I think that too many working mothers impose unrealistic expectations on themselves regarding what is required from the perfect parent. And by the way, if you can’t be a mother for one kid and work, does it mean that you can’t be a good mother for two kids because each of them will only have half of you. And what if you have five?! It does not make sense :). Time is not additive 🙂

… I asked Anna whether she indeed thinks that motherhood affects women’s careers. She said: Oh, a hundred percent! I asked her: do you really think you would be making more money if you wouldn’t have kids? And she said: no, I would make less! Which is how I feel 🙂

Alternative opinions are welcome!

War Thoughts

We can survive pretty much anything Tram would try to do with our country. I am pretty sure about that, partially because of the usual percentage of pre-election promises being and not being realized and partially because I remember what Anna taught me about how the Congress works (and why it works that way).

There is only one thing that might be irreversible, and I am afraid of it – the betrayal of Ukraine. I believe that it may happen because I know that the business wants to end the war. Nobody from the business side of things wants the war, and the business does not care about what the end of the war will entail. No matter how much analysis is done, they still do not care about what will happen in two weeks, yet along, in several months.

I know that the call is to end the war, and if Trump would end the war the way he wants, it will mean that Ukraine as a state will cease to exist. I imagine that there are a lot of people who don’t care, but even if they don’t care about Ukraine they should understand that the next war will be inevitable. I probably shouldn’t mention that Biden’s decision regading the missiles usage is too late, and as much as I hope for the best, I don’t believe that any major wins are possible.

Everything else will be fine.

The Marriage of Figaro in Lyric

That’s a very long opera!!! Even though we took an Uber back home, it was 11-30 PM when I entered my apartment, and I went to bed after midnight. This morning, I thought I wouldn’t survive the workday and a meetup afterward, but somehow I am alive :).

The performance was perfect!!! Totally worth some sleep deprivation :).

Beautiful voices, great acting, and each performer was a perfect fit for their role. The whole production was put together exactly how Mozart should be performed: joyful, a little bit silly, funny, a little bit naughty, but just a little bit, without being vulgar.

Multi-Threading Again

After I returned from my October trip, it took me a while to catch up with life, mainly because I didn’t have much weekend time. I had a complete meltdown on Friday because I was so tired of putting things together and catching up on things that one trivial problem felt like a world crisis.

Since then, things have improved. 🙂 I was able to reschedule my January trip, write some documentation for my work project, resolve all major issues with the conference, and, as an extra bonus, receive the IRS tax-exempt letter for a new NFP I am setting up. There are still a couple of things with this NFP that are waiting for a resolution, so I do not want to talk much about them right now, but things are looking positive.

Zoolights!

I can’t recall the last time I visited Lincoln Zoo! It was never convenient, and the funny story is that even after I moved way closer to it than we used to live, it continued to be inconvenient to get there. My friend suggested we go to the Zoolights on Saturday, and I immediately said it was a great idea and asked Igor whether he was interested. My friend ended up not going, but Igor and I still went, and it was great! I took tons of pictures and videos, and here are some – also, showcasing the works of my new iPhone 16 Pro!

img_0010
Continue reading “Zoolights!” →

Escorting

I didn’t go to the clinic escorting for over a month (my trip and then the DIno sleepover). Fortunately, it is still relatively warm, so I knew I could survive a shift. And although I could, indeed, survive the temperature, the overall situation there was horrific.

I was told that it was even worse on the previous Saturday when there were several dozen antis. Other escorts told me that the week before, not only did the police arrive, but they also helped to protect the patients from antis. The police made a “human fence” and even pulled one of the active antis away from a patient.

Still, there are way more antis than us, and they are so impudent, so shameless, so loud…

Also, the parking across the clinic is now under the new management, and they increased the parking fees almost twice and made the pricing almost invisible. When motorists exit the highway, it says “Public parking” and nothing else; there is no bar at the entrance, and the cost of parking is hidden behind a brush. Almost all patients whom we asked didn’t pay because they didn’t know they should have paid. We started telling them that they might be better off using street parking.

It was probably the last time I went escorting before the cold weather, and I do not feel good about not being there for the next three months. I just know that I won’t be able to be outside for two and a half hours, but I still feel guilty.