Category: reflections

Thoughts

I heard a comment the other day that can be rephrased as a standard appeal to Puritan ethics: people do not want their money taken away and redistributed. This means that at least some well-off people believe that anybody who is in a bad financial situation got there because they didn’t work hard enough, tried hard enough, or whatever.

A day before I heard this comment, I talked to my friend, who is a retired special ed teacher. She worked all her life in a most noble profession. Still, she doesn’t have enough retirement income and has to work part-time, not because she wants to do something, but because without this extra income, it would be difficult for her to make ends meet. And that’s where I have a problem with the “it’s all their own fault” statement. There are many professions, many jobs like this. And we need to raise taxes to pay teaches salaries and pensions. And if we reduce public education to a level low enough that people who can afford a private education would opt for it, this will completely eliminate the concept of “equal opportunities” (yes, we already have districts with low education quality, but we should put an effort into resolving these problems, not exacerbating them).

I didn’t even start on another topic: even if somebody “didn’t work hard enough” or “didn’t save enough” is it morally acceptable to leave them without support when they need it?

And a final note, which should have probablybeen the first one. I hear people saying that they chose “the lesser of two evils.” What I do not understand it how these “evils” can be compared in terms “more” or “less.” They are very distinct, I would say, the opposite evils, meaning that you either find Trump’s policies evil or Kamala’s policies evil, that are not comparable in my opinion, which makes me think that people who choose “the lesser evil” do not really look in-depth on what they are choosing.

But I might be wrong as usual.

***

I am not going to vent about Tuesday. First, venting does not help, and second, as sad as it is, I can’t say it was unexpected. The mood in the office yesterday was gloomy, and the Finnish chocolate I brought came in handy. Yesterday was the day of our women’s circle meeting, and all of us came in like “meh,” but we decided to talk about positive things, and at the end, we all agreed that we would keep doing good and survive another four years.

As much as I always blame myself for all the bad things happening in the world, I do not blame myself that much for not doing canvassing. If there was anything I could do better, it was voicing my opinions, participating in meaningful discussions, and sharing information in all other possible ways. I am not even angry, not like in 2016, just focused on what I can do and what my priorities should be.

I think that the way Kamala Harris accepted her defeat and pledged to a peaceful transfer of power was the best thing she could do strengthen democracy and give an example of civilized behavior. Her speach was great, and I am so glad that she is not going to disappear from political stage.

Back to work. Back to life.

Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism

You 2.0: Fighting Despair

This Hidden Brain episode is called “Fighting Despair,” but I became really focused when it came to the second part: the cynicism and the skepticism as an alternative. Before I heard this episode, I never thought about a formal definition of these concepts. Here is how the psychologist Jamil Zaki defines them:

Continue reading “Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism” →

The Atomic Cafe 1982

I finally watched The Atomic Cafe, which was on my watchlist for the past two months recommended by Michael Roman. As usual, when the movie is the one I want to pay close attention to, I watch it one small piece at a time.

To summarize my reaction in one sentence: what a horror story! I had no idea that that’s how the US propaganda worked, and I am not even sure I should use a past tense here. The scariest part for me was not even the actual propaganda films with “no worries, the hair will grow back” and “it’s safe to get out after an explosion,” but the background country songs jokingly mentioning an atomic bomb, punishing Japan and all things related. Gives you a new perspective on the “Oppenheimer” movie and life in general. It’s worth noting that there is no narration and no commentary, just interviews, tv shows, and propaganda movies clips.

Must-see. Open access at the link above. Enjoy….

***

I talked to a co-worker the other day. He is not Russian, not Eastern European – nothing that would make him especially sensitive to the current political situation. I do not recall what prompted his comment about “as a Russian,” but I replied as usual that “it is not what defines me.” He proceeded with, “You are not denouncing your Russianness” and “It has nothing to do with this political situation.” It started to be more serious than a breakfast conversation in the cafeteria, but I couldn’t drop it at that point. I replied that I felt like I had everything to do with the situation because it’s my generation that didn’t follow up after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the dissolving of the Communist Party. It was my generation that let it go, and thereby I do feel responsible.

He said: I have Ukrainian neighbors on one side and Russian neighbors on the other side, and my Russian neighbors are afraid to speak Russian. And then he talked about his closest friends who are Russian and about some bets and about drinking. The latter one is a serious trigger point for me, so I said that this conversation was making me uncomfortable.

We both had to go to our desks, but I hope to continue this conversation with him. I want to ask him whether his Russian friends feel that they have something to do with what the Russian government does or if they do not think it is related to them. As for speaking Russian, I am acutely aware that at this moment in history, the Russian language for Ukrainians sounds like German during WWII for many European nations, so I do not think it’s appropriate to speak Russian in their presence (unless it’s their initiative).

Recently, I read an essay by Michael Shishkin – a Russian writer who is not at the top of the list either in Russia or internationally. I was deeply moved by this essay – my thoughts and words exactly. I agree with him that it is extremely important to understand that everybody born and raised in Russia, no matter how progressive or even radical was their upbringing, carries the baggage of imperialism. The paragraph which particularly struck me was this one:

Throughout my life, I felt I could stand steadily on the foundation of the great Russian Culture. Nowadays, there is emptiness under my feet.

Also, the way he describes the silence of the Russian writers and other intelligentsia as “hosting regular events” and “pretending that nothing is happening.” That’s exactly how I feel when I read about cultural events or new productions in Russia: I can’t take it in that people “do normal things.” And yes, I am hypocritical, I know. And yes, I understand that living under permanent pressure is impossible, and a person’s mind finds ways to accept reality as a norm. And yes, I understand that I am making many people upset. And no, I do not think I am always right, and I do not think I have any moral right to criticize others. Still, I want to be honest and convey how I feel.

Link to the essay

More DNC Follow-up

Igor was at Union Park on the last day of the DNC and took lots of pictures. Usually, I post the link to his album and also post selected photos in my blog, but this time, I do not want to post any. Here is a link you can check out. And if you click it, you’ll probably realize why there are no pictures here.

I always strive to present an objective picture, and this time, an objective picture is not appealing: I do not want to multiply any Palestinian propaganda here. If you do not see these people and their posters, you might think there is some truth in what they say. But if you just take a look, there will be no mistake. That proves my point that these days, anybody who agitates people against Harris is an enemy of good. I do not know how else to put it – it literally means that this individual is on the dark side of things. And since I know that Igor captures such events with all possible objectivity, I can tell that there were way more supporters of the Palestinian extremists than anybody else. Ukrainians and their supporters, pro-choice activists and pro-life activists, communists, and socialists, all of them combined, made a lesser crowd than pro-Palestinian protesters. And I can’t get over it.

On a separate (but still DNC-related) topic, there were lots of comments about “CTA has done a great job keeping the stations clean.” I do not disagree with that; it was hard not to notice the unusual cleanliness. However, the immediate questions are: 1) why does it have to be a convention to make this change? 2) what did it cost in terms of time, labor, etc? I do not like shows like this, and I genuinely want these questions to be answered.

Today

Today, my twins turned thirty-three, and I have no idea when it happened 🙂 I even checked my calculation several times to ensure I was right!

Every year, on the day they are born, I tell myself and the rest of the world that having them was the best decision I ever made. Their presence in my life drove many of my decisions, which would have been drastically different otherwise.

***

This week, I listened to “Moral Decision Making,” one of the Audible Great courses. Once again, the lecturer explained that what Boris and I did thirty-six years ago was completely and unquestionably morally wrong—not like I didn’t know it before. But that was the best thing that happened to both him and me. Not only because there won’t be Vlad and Anna otherwise but also because even thirty-six years later, I smile each time I think about him, and he smiles each time he thinks about me. And this is the most impossible thing in the world, which never happens :).

***

Current Events On The Front

I kept quiet and didn’t want to jink it when things started to unfold last week, especially because even BBC was quiet. My friend Lena has relatives in Sumy, so she started to message me “did you hear the news” in the beginning of the week. At that time, her relatives experienced retaliation shelling from the Russian forces, and they had to shelter for over 24 hours.

When I visited Lena several days later, she said: I was hoping that now Russian people will understand something, but it doesn’t look like it! Unfortunately, I have to agree. Moreover, I am shocked with reactions of those few politicians who appeared to be normal so far. Now, all of a sudden, “you can’t be happy when your fellow citizen suffer” and “you can be against the current government, but you can be against people”.

I have no comment on that. None. Except for citing one more time late Frau Traudel: “Of course, we wanted Germany to be defeated!”

State Of Mind

First, there are a lot of stressful things going on in my professional (non-work) life, and I am trying to do two mutually exclusive things: still work on the issues that cause this stress because they should be resolved, and try not to think about them all the time because if I do, I can’t do anything else. Go figure!

Second, all the things going on in the world. I learned from my friend who has relatives in Ukraine in the area close to the war actions that Russian troops retaliated with severe shelling, which lasted for 28 hours. She was very scared for her relatives, and I can’t even imagine how she might feel.

And at the same time, life goes on. Our firm had a summer party today. I was glad that I could sit at the nice rooftop restaurant and relax, which I desperately needed during this super-stressful week. At the same time, I felt ginormous guilt for both relaxing at this rooftop and criticizing the limited selection of food while being aware of what’s going on in other parts of the world … I know it’s pathetic. I know it does not help anybody.

… this rooftop has flowers – right on the rooftop!!! They are planted around and separated from the rest of the floor by glass, and this piece of prairie on the seventeenth floor was one of the most amazing things I saw…

Surprise Visit, Planning, And Spontaneity

On Monday, I had a surprise visit with Anna and the girls. They stopped at my place on their way to John’s family summer house in MI, and I was overjoyed to hear that they were coming. I didn’t have any specific plans for that evening except for finishing several things I hadn’t finished over the weekend, but even if I did, I would rearrange them.

We had an amazing time, partially, I think, because of it being completely unplanned. When I told Boris about this surprise visit, he said that he was glad that Anna trains me in spontaneity. And that is something I want to keep enjoying.

At some point, I became too dependent on my plans and feeling unhappy when things are not going as planned. And while planning is a key to success, I always remember the day when I had my first ultrasound which revealed that I was having twins. To my gloomy: That’s a little bit unplanned, the technician replied: Sometimes unplanned economy can be very successful! She was alluding to the “socialist planned economy” v.s. “capitalist unplanned economy,” which made it especially funny. Yep, the most unplanned thing in my life was the best thing ever happened to me!

Nadia made a picture of an ice cream for me 🙂