Category: reflections

About The War And Russian People

I will stop blogging about the past week for a moment and talk about the war – not like a background for everything that’s going on in our lives now, but about the war as it is.

There are two main reasons for that. First is my correspondence with several people from Russia, who were sending me almost identical messages for the past week or two. And the second reason is President Biden’s speech in Warsaw, which I just listened to, so balanced, so thought through, so articulate, and pretty much answering all of these questions. 

***

The first topic is economic sanctions against Russia, and that’s what people were saying:

The whole world united against Russia, which means that the rest of the world is indeed our enemy, and that means that Putin is right and we need to protect our borders. The West acted united immediately, which means that it was all pre-planned. The sanctions do not hurt the Russian elite; they hurt regular citizens, and even those who initially sympathized with Ukraine now support Putin’s aggression.

I already blogged about that, but let me repeat it again. In Russia, people perceive the government as something completely foreign to their citizens. In western countries, with all reservations, the government’s goal is to serve the citizens, and if it does not do a good job, the citizens will protest. So when western countries impose the sanctions, they believe that Russian people would realize that the sanctions are imposed because of the actions of their government and that they would raise their voices (and possibly not only the voices) against it. 

Another thing that many people in Russia do not understand is that the companies that left the Russian market temporarily or permanently are not doing it “because their governments told them so,” and not even because they fear for their reputation. They leave because the people in the rest of the world want them to do so and because they risk their profits to decline worldwide if they won’t. 

I said many times that in general, I am against sanctions precisely for that reason – they never help to change the regime, and they help the propaganda to build the “image of the enemy.” But in the current situation, I believe that the sanctions make a moral statement – a statement of support for Ukraine. 

***

The second topic is about the attitude towards Russians in the world. That’s what people are saying:

Everybody hates us just because we are Russians living in Russia. Everybody accuses us of supporting Putin, even if we never voted for him. Everybody tells us we deserve it. This war is called the “Russian war,” not “Russian government war.” We were initially supporting Ukraine, but now we are not so sure. We feel hate all the time. 

The answer to this statement is more complex. First, when I start asking people where exactly they get this idea, they are citing some Russian-speaking bloggers who live in western countries. That is the individual reaction of individuals, and regardless of how they are famous in the Russian blogosphere, they do not represent the attitude of the West towards Russians. There is a very clear distinction between the Russian government and ordinary people in the West. The majority of people understand that speaking against authorities will be prosecuted and that it’s dangerous to protest. 

Speaking about that, President Biden was very clear in his speech: 

“I’ve always spoken directly and honestly to you, the Russian people, let me say this if you’re able to listen: You the Russian people are not our enemy. I refuse to believe that you welcome the killing of innocent children and grandparents or that you accept hospitals, schools, maternity wards — for God’s sake — being pummeled with Russian missiles and bombs.” Citing the hardships of WWII, Biden said:

“These are not memories of the past. This is exactly what the Russian army is doing in Ukraine right now.”

“This is not who you are. This is not the future you deserve for your families and your children. I’m telling you the truth. This war is not worthy of you, the Russian people.”

However, with all that being said, one must also understand that the war any country is conducting is this country’s war. No matter how many people in the US protested the war in Vietnam, it was the “American war.” no matter how many people rallied against the war in Iraque (myself included), it was “an American War.” And Americans were ashamed of the actions of their government. And if we would look back to WWII, in the Soviet Union, “Germans” and “fascists” were synonyms until the late 50s. And if we look back to WWI, we would remember Saint-Petersburg being renamed Petrograd.  

I will try to find the full transcript of this speech and paste it here.

How Things Are Developing

Boris and I spent the whole day yesterday entertaining one of my European colleagues: we went to Suomenlinna, walked around the city, ate a salmon soup for lunch, and finally made a reservation for a group dinner when other participants started to come.

The weather is just unbelievably sunny and there is almost no wind, even on Suomenlinna!
I can’t say that I forgot about the war yesterday – it’s impossible to forget, and we talked about it with everybody. However, this morning I received an unexpected email: the DevDays Europe conference in Vilnius, which we were going to attend in April, was converted to a virtual event due to all kinds of concerns, including the closeness to the conflict, even though Lithuania is in NATO.

I am not sure what I will do with this, from whether I am still going to present at the virtual event to whether I am going to fly to Helsinki anyway, or we will swap the trips with Boris. I know it’s a very small thing that has nothing even close to people getting killed, but I was like – how I am letting Putin disturb my life!

Even before that, we talked with Boris about how we see our future and the future of Russia. His point of view is even grimmer than mine, but I am starting to agree with him that unfortunately, no matter how and when this war will end, it won’t be the end of the current regime, same as the Winter War and the defeat of the USSR in it changed nothing. So we are thinking that he would be a “German scientist in exile” during WWII, until… I am still not ready to agree with him on what exactly this “until” is going to be but…

The War Is Everywhere

It is indeed everywhere, it’s not like there is nothing but the war on my mind, but whatever I do, whatever other people are doing – the war is in the background, the war is visible, and the news about the war shape the news broadcasts everywhere in the world. 

I mentioned the other day what my neighbor said about Tosca. It turned out that it was not just her or me, but that was the intention. Last Saturday, the opening night of Tosca started from the Ukrainian Anthem, and the cast dedicated that performance to the struggles and courage of the Ukrainian people. 

Yesterday, one of my coworkers mentioned in the speaker’s slack channel that the PG Day Poland was postponed. People started to talk about how it is sad but understandable and started to ask what is the new date. Then another person (the one I respect a lot) said: it’s a little surreal to me that people are being bombed, and we’re talking about it in terms of the impact on our conference schedule. 

This conversation triggered something for me. For the past several days, watching the stream of Ukrainian refugees arriving in Poland and Poles going out of their way to accommodate them, I thought that my “historical Motherland” needed some financial assistance. 

 During that conversation on slack which I mentioned earlier, somebody said: you should reach out to A. to find out the details [about the PG Day Poland]. And then my immediate reaction was: why I never thought about reaching out to her on the subject of donations? 

She was indeed delighted when I reached out and said that Poland is “out of everything,” warned about the fake charities, and gave me a vetted list of trustworthy charities that assist refugees’ resettlement.

For now, I plan to give 2/3 of my donations directly to Ukraine and 1/3 to this Polish resettlement agency I chose. 

Then, I was terrified by the news about the potential peace proposal from this BBC news program. It sounds so evil that I can believe this could happen! President Zelinskiy cares about the Ukrainian people, and he can go a long way to stop the bloodshed. But what will happen if peace in Ukraine is achieved at such a price? Looking at what the Russian government is saying these days, and knowing Putin, you can bet he would announce such peace as Russia’s victory. We wanted to liberate the Russian people in Ukraine, and we did! We wanted to stop NATO expansion, and we did! And we got a Crimea! And things are going our way! If the condition of the peace would be disarmament of Ukraine, it is an insult to the heroic Ukrainian army and all her people, and what will stop Putin from repeating the attack? And most importantly, he would emerge from this war unpunished! And that would be the most unjust thing, and I do not want to let it happen.

Why Did It Happen?

I remember the days of the war in Abkhazia. I followed the news on both American and Russian news sites back then. I remember a video of Putin talking to a group of Russians in Abkhazia. 

He pronounced the word genocide. I remember that the Russian media has probed the word for several days by that time. I guess it was an attempt to make it finally legit and start using it as a justification of involvement in the conflict. I remember the intonation. And I remember that there was no enthusiasm about the word genocide. And the word was dropped from the political language for the time being.

This time, the word was pronounced. And it was pronounced again. And nobody said “no.”

The horror and the guilt will never go away. I know how to keep doing things, and the past week was more productive than the previous one, and I hope the trend will continue. However, the void will never go away. Previously, I could not understand why emigrants who fled Russia after the revolution of 1917 felt displaced till the end of their lives and why they could not find their life balance. Now, I understand, even though I do not live in Russia for 26 years, America is my home, and I am a proud citizen. The question of what I could’ve done to stop this from happening will stay with me forever because I did nothing. 

Scenes from last Sunday’s anti-war protest in Chicago’s Ukrainian Village

When the Russian-Ukrainian War broke out, my mom and I knew that there are going to be rallies and protests in support of Ukraine and against the war – and we wanted to be a part of it. But my usual sources within the Russian-speaking communities, and the general activist chatter on Twitter, kept failing me. I kept finding out that event after event already happened from new stories and live-tweets covering them. So when, last Thursday, I found out there was going to be a rally on Sunday in front of Chicago’s Ukrainian Village’s iconic Saints Volodymyr & Olha Ukrainian Catholic Church, I figured I was going to try to make it, and encouraged my mom to do the same.

As the name suggests, Ukrainian Village is a neighborhood on Chicago’s Northwest Side originally settled by Ukrainians from what was then the Russian Empire. While Ukrainian Village isn’t as Ukrainian as it used to be in its heyday, it still has a number of Ukrainian churches, cultural institutions and even some stores and restaurants.

Continue reading “Scenes from last Sunday’s anti-war protest in Chicago’s Ukrainian Village” →

This Long Day

Today, I tried not to be hysterical but to focus and do something. I only succeeded partially, but I at least crossed a couple of items off my list in the past two hours.

We had a Wellness Friday today, an extra day off, which we have once a month. I still had to do some work because I started to help on one project, and the customer wanted the case closed today. So I helped last night, even though I took a half-day off to go to Palatine, and also for several hours today.

Work needs to be done; both work as what I am paid for and all my professional work outside the place of employment. I am a leader, and people look out for me. Repeating to myself, “there is nothing I can help with” does not provide any extra opportunities for help and produces no positive outcome. I can be aware of the biggest injustice in today’s world, but keep doing things instead of sitting paralyzed.

Multiple commentators on the radio said that sanctions wouldn’t help. I am very well aware of that. In fact, I always explained to others why sanctions never work like planned, and never in history would sanctions make dictators, oppressors, and intruders change their ways. Never.
However, today I thought that although sanctions won’t help, we owe them to the people of Ukraine. That’s the way of showing our support.

If the reports are accurate, and the UK was indeed able to freeze Putin’s accounts specifically, that sounds great. Although again, it would be a red cape shown to the bull.
To recap this day, I will do my best to do work, be productive, help those whom I can help, and keep looking for ways to change the world.

Today’s Thoughts

I can’t write about anything, even though I have things to write about. The morning news paralyzed me; not like it was unexpected, not like it was sudden. 

It does not often happen that the international news is on the top of the daily news in this country (that’s why I alternate with BBC). But today was the day when all the news broadcasts started similarly. 

However, most people go on with their lives even when they are aware of the horrible things happening in other parts of the world. And that’s normal. One can be aware of the wolds injustices and still live their lives, and in most cases, I do the same. 

Still, being a dual citizen, I can’t not feel responsible for what is happening. I feel like I felt that morning many years ago, before cell phones and ebooks. The morning, when I stood at the platform in Palatine waiting for the train and had a Chicago Tribune in my hands. I felt that each person on the platform holding the newspaper was reading about the Kursk submarine, and I was ashamed of what they were reading about. 

Today I feel it even more than twenty-one years ago. I have too many emotions and not enough words—shame, anger, worries, helplessness – none of this is even close to what I felt for a long time. I know that sitting paralyzed won’t help anybody and anything, and I have to come up with more productive ways to support the right cause. So help me, God. 

***

I can’t get this thought out of my head since … well, since that realization. It started as a joke. In October, Boris was invited to be an official reviewer for one Finnish Ph.D. candidate. That was the first time he participated in such a ceremony in Finland, and yes, it was more a ceremony than anything else. He has to rent a tuxedo and a white tie, and pretty much the whole wardrobe for this event. The people in the renting place verified that he didn’t need to have white gloves for that occasion, and he said that it was a pity because those gloves felt so nice on the hands, and there would be no more opportunity because he couldn’t imagine any events with dancing. I told him: you missed an opportunity at Anna’s wedding, so now you’ll have to wait till Nadia’s wedding day. And he said: no, I won’t live that long. First, I thought – oh, he’s just saying things, and replied – why not? He said that it would be at least twenty-four more years until she gets married with the current trends. I replied, still without much thinking and still half-jokingly: so what? He said: nobody on my side of the family lived that long. I would be ninety-five by then.
And then I realized that he was right! And it struck me because I am sure I will live till Nadia’s wedding day. And although I was preparing myself for the fact that I would be alone for many years of my life, I suddenly realized that it is not an abstraction anymore.

In some sense, it is not bad because now we care more for each other and try not to hurt each other’s feelings. Also, Boris bought a new phone arm/stand, and we had a photo session we didn’t have for thirty-three years at least. Not to share with anybody, but to keep it to ourselves.

And there is one more thing I mentioned before. It happened again last week that I didn’t realize right away that the person approaching me was Boris. We walked together to mom’s place, but Boris didn’t plan to come in, so he walked back home, making a loop to the west. I stayed and mom’s place for a little bit and walked back home. We ended up coming to the gates together, but from different directions, and I didn’t expect to see him outside. It was already getting dark, and I thought to myself – is this older man coming to our building? I unlocked the gate and held it, and then I realized that it was Boris. And same as before, the moment I realize that it’s him feels like a turn of a lens in my eye, and suddenly, it’s not an older man, but a person who is everything for me.

Valentine’s Day

I can’t remember when it was the last time Boris and I spent Valentine’s Day together. And it was even longer since we had such a beautiful Valentine’s Day.

Many years ago, back in Russia, when Valentine’s Day was one of many things from the West which we didn’t have, it felt very special to say “be my Valentine” and go for a long walk in the park, and then for coffee and cakes celebrating something very intimate.

Later, when we were already in the US, it was shocking to see the commercialized version of this holiday. We still tried to celebrate for a couple of years, and I was picking up the cards, but then Boris could not stand all this pink and red, and we started to keep it low.

This year, it felt unbelievably good, even though I could not take any time off work, and Boris had to leave to the airport earlier because I had to take mom to the doctor (and Igor had an assignment).

We started on Sunday night – I made a steak dinner and tiramisu, and we had s long conversation about one professional project we are trying to do together (moving slowly because of lack of time). Having how busy I was with work for this whole week, it was a real treat to talk about something professional which is not work. But then, most people do not understand how talking on professional topics can be so loving and intimate. I am not even trying to explain “why,” let’s say it’s our feature. On the day itself, we had heart-shaped cheese for breakfast:

And then we had an afternoon tea – I ordered it from Vanille the moment I knew that Boris was coming (which was almost the last day I could order!) We substituted tea with coffee, and I made prep and assembly.

Continue reading “Valentine’s Day” →

Late Night…

I’ve been very good this year about sleeping my six hours and going to bed by 10-30, no matter what:). It was not the case only when I had too much work. And yes, today is one of these days.

In EDB, almost all I am doing is new to me. I could never imagine there were so many things I didn’t know about Postgres :). To be fair, I just never needed to know them! So what happens often is that although I am full-time on a project, I spend half of the time learning things I need to know to complete this assignment, and then half of my work hours are non-billable. 

I know it will be better, but at the moment, I am still new to EDB 🙂

I mentioned the visa thing… Boris decided he wanted to use the last opportunity to enter the US on the visa, which is about to expire, and so he came yesterday. It was a very sudden decision. I didn’t mind; actually, I felt very loved when he said he was coming :). It’s just for a few days, and we both have work, but it still feels incredibly good.