Category: reflections

The War And The Media

Over the weekend, I had a conversation with a person who is not only very intelligent and hold very progressive views but is also not ignorant of what’s happening in Europe—someone who knows that there is the rest of the world outside of the US.

Still, my account of how the war is unfolding and what is really going on at the front appeared to be a revelation. She asked me whether I think the American media does a good job reporting about the war, and I said – no, gave multiple particular examples, and spoke about the trend in general. The war disappeared from the front pages, and even during the latest mutiny, the interest was directed toward Russia, not Ukraine. And I cited my friend, who said that no photographs and no reports could capture the horrors of destruction.

She listened to me with great attention and said: we live in a bubble that the media created. And we do not even know we live in a bubble.

I blogged about it so many times that I lost count. People do not understand the gravity of the situation; they push away the fact that the war didn’t stop, that people keep dying – every day.
And they keep explaining to me why NATO will never get directly involved, and I, in turn, keep explaining the consequences of that and the inevitability of confrontation with Russia, if not now, then in the future. And all of this feels hopeless.

In The Courthouse

More about the oath ceremony. It turned out I completely forgot what my oath ceremony looked like. I found my notes from 2008, and I realized that to the smallest detail, including the super-long wait, it was exactly like it was with my mom. Also, back then, I had mixed feelings about this second citizenship.

It’s funny how the human brain works. I remember that after the initial shock from coming to live in a completely new country which was nothing like other places I had visited before had passed, I liked it being here. When I figured out how to perform the daily tasks, and it stopped being a “coming home with a newborn” struggle, I instantly felt at home. However, at the same time, I also felt uneasy about “denouncing previous allegiances” and referred to my new status as “a marriage of convenience.”

My “growing into” American citizenship was a long process, and now when I read my notes from that time, it surprises me how selective our brains are.

Back to yesterday’s ceremony. In the notice that was sent to my mom, the ceremony start time was indicated as 12-30 PM, and I planned to be there with mom by 12-15. Anna took an earlier train to be there for sure, not the last minute, and we met my mom at Lake Red Line CTA and walked to the Federal Court.

There was already a long line on the 25th floor, and when we reached the beginning of the line, a lady told us that Anna and I should leave and come back at 1 PM. It was all very confusing because it sounded like we couldn’t be present during the ceremony, but as we found out when we came back, the actual ceremony was going to be at 1:30 PM. That meant that Anna had to sprint to the Union Station immediately after the oath.

All the rest went well. The judge who was conducting the ceremony said that ninety-six people from thirty-six countries were becoming US citizens on that day. He said that each person brings their own culture and experience and that that’s the nature of the country, and that fact that his ancestors came to America in the 17th century does not make his citizenship any “better” than other people’s citizenships. I think I was giving more thought to this ceremony yesterday than I did during my oath ceremony.

As I already mentioned, fifteen years ago, I didn’t like the idea of exclusiveness, of demands to denounce all my previous allegiances. To be honest, I do not know how I would feel about it now if the country where I was born wouldn’t expose the worst of herself. I do not know how Ukrainians who took the oath on the same day felt (I know there were some), especially because, as far as I know, Ukraine does not allow dual citizenship.

Mom received her certificate. Anna had to run to get back home (and hit all possible public transportation disasters on the way). Igor could not come because, somehow, he managed to get COVID over the weekend. So it was just my mom and me, and while we were inside, another spell of pouring rain started. Fortunately, it didn’t last long, and when it slowed down, we walked to Amarino and had coffee and ice cream there. The rain started again, a stopped again, and again we had just enough time to walk to the nearest Red Line station.

Mom was very happy, and she thanked me multiple times for making this happen.

…. only when we got on the train I realized that I had left my jacket at the Courthouse (I thought that it might be too air-conditioned, and took a black jacket with me, but it was not cold, and…) I decided that it’s a good opportunity to shop for a new one 🙂

June Books

The Confidant – a book about Anna Marie Rosenberg. Amazing woman and an amazing book; how could I never hear about her?! I loved this review of this book on Goodreads, so I am copying it here instead of writing my own 🙂

Early 20th Century America was a place of change and opportunity. Within the first 50 years, US citizens were a party of industrialisation, the depression, two world wars, and the cold war. What is not so well known is the part Anna Rosenberg, a Jewish-Hungarian immigrant, facilitated and negotiated to help shape the America we know today.

Anna Rosenberg, a 5’3″ pocket rocket, with little more than a high school education, rose to the inner sanctum of the White House during these pivotal years, ‘You don’t have to be like a man to succeed. If you know your stuff, you’ll be alright.’ Anna began as a negotiator between the fast-forming unions of the early 20th Century and capitalist corporates. Her unique sense of mediation, so that both sides could win, as opposed to brute force, won all-around trust. This skill base was leveraged to bring about the greatest mobilisation of troops and factory workers when the US entered WW II – including the negotiation to desegregate and include African Americans. She further pushed for the use of women in the war effort, ‘The morale of the nation depends upon its women.’ Despite being the first person to be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, her credibility was attacked during McCarthyism. Still, throughout this ordeal, she held her head high and stayed true.

‘The Confidante’ not only details the life of this amazing woman. it also offers a robust summary of these transformational years in American history. It is astounding just how pivotal Anna Rosenberg, who is so little recognised today, was. Often stories of inspiring, historical women figures, are about the struggle they suffered in breaking into a ‘man’s world’. Anna’s story is different. Anna only saw advantages to being a woman within her place of work, ‘Men will talk more freely to a woman than to another man, and when men talk freely nine times out of ten misunderstandings vanish’. She ultimately just wanted to be herself and if that meant she could make a difference, then she worked hard at doing so.

Christopher Gorham has done a fantastic job delivering a short history of American politics in the early 20th Century and Anna Rosenberg’s pivotal, and unbelievably integral role within this. ‘The Confidnate’ is both an inspiring and illuminating book, well worth a read for so many reasons.

Moscow Excursion by P.Travers

I have mixed feelings about that book. On the one hand, it seems shallow, like “Look how weird these people are,” without any interest in finding what’s behind that behavior. Sometimes it feels like Travers purposefully wants to mount all this weirdness, making it Kafkian (although it is possible that she didn’t even have to overexaggerate that much.) On the other hand, possibly as a result of that sliding on the surface, she noticed things that were rarely noticed by foreign visitors.
Many details are painfully recognizable to me from my short encounter with the Intourst business, like trying to get out of the way to provide better food for foreigners only to still have it miserable, the lectures about economic achievements, the very bad English of the tour guides, “let’s go” and making sure the tourists are never left unattended. Overall – interesting. I learned something new :). And probably, I shouldn’t have expected an analytical essay. After all, these texts were originally produced as letters to a friend, talking about these “on the surface” impressions.

Without Children

Read it because the author was featured on WBEZ Reset. I think that the topic of normalizing women not having children is one worth discussing. For me, it is obvious that every woman has a right not to want children for whatever reason. It does not matter whether she has a medical condition or she is in a tough financial situation, or she simply does not want children. That’s her right. And I feel annoyed with all these discussions about what economic stimulus should be introduced to convince women to have more babies.

At first, the book sounded promising since it was discussing just that: leave women alone! But then it diverted to “many women take part in raising a child, not only her biological mother,” and went to the point that each woman should contribute to society by helping to raise babies.

***

When the mutiny in Russia started, I had some hopes. The hopes were that they would be busy killing each other or at least weakening each other, and meanwhile, Ukraine would be able to advance more. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen, meaning they didn’t destroy each other, at least at first glance.

Boris said that at least Ukraine will return to the front pages of the news. To our deepest regrets, it didn’t happen either. Instead, Russia returned to the front pages. I listen to what Biden had said about not interfering, and I understand, but…

***

I will post more pictures from the wedding. I am very-very-very tired, both emotionally and physically. And I am very happy for Vlad and Dylon.

The wedding was all about them, which is how it should be, but I was standing there in the crowd and recalling many past moments, starting from the image of this tiny thin baby body with match-like limbs. I with two five-year-olds, exiting the Immigration Office at ORD on October 23, 1996. Our endless conversations, and our conversation “about that.” And Vlad crying on my shoulder on the corner of State and Washington in broad daylight.

And when we returned home, I asked Boris (rhetorically, of course): how could it happen that we did everything wrong, and it turned out so perfect?! It’s scary even to think about how horrible things could turn if I won’t go to the US, fearless out of shire ignorance, having no idea what I am doing. All my decisions I was most criticized for, but especially these two: that I decided to have babies in the most inconvenient moment of my life, the life of my country and history in general, and that I decided to go to America and take my kids with me.

Not calculated, not thought-through, and completely irresponsible…

Do What You Love

I had two almost identical conversations recently: one in London and one in Chicago. In London, I was chatting with the driver on my way to Heathrow, which, as I mentioned before, took two and a half hours. It started with me replying to the question of whether I had visited London before; I started with “when my younger son turned twenty-five,” and then it took a different turn. As often happens, the driver was shocked to hear that I have an adult son, especially when I said that that’s my younger son, and it has been a while since he was twenty-five. Then I had to spell out how old I was, and after that, he was not interested in my prior visits to London. Instead, he asked me, “how am I doing that,” why I look so much younger, and whether I exercise, and so on :), which was rather funny.

I told him that I loved want I am doing. I keep telling the same thing to people, especially since I started my current job. Not only do I love my line of work in general, but at this job, I love what and how I am doing, and I love the people I work with. It brings me joy to see that my expertise and skills are needed, and honestly, I even feel physically better recently. I am very busy at work, and some days are crazy, but this is a different kind of busyness, not exhausting. I am busy doing my job, and I am happy I can do it well.

I shared all of the above with my driver. He said: but it is not always possible. Then he started to talk about his life, how he had to quit attending college at some point to provide for his family, and how his wife graduated and now works in the medical field. He mentioned that he is returning to college, and we talked about what he wants to do next.

At the end of our trip (he went above and beyond getting me to the airport on time in the midst of the transportation strike), he thanked me for the talk and said that I gave him directions in life (and yes, we also talked about parenting, exercise and (un)healthy eating habits :)).

The second conversation happened in the BMO Harris local branch, where I stopped to deposit a check. This time, I do not even remember what started the conversation (the bank branch was empty, so the specialists were happy to converse with somebody). I do not remember how it jumped from me being a perfect customer to “what do I do,” and I do not even recall whether my age came up, but in five minutes, it was the same “tell me your secret,” and “how I can become like you.” And I told him the same thing I told the driver in London, and his reaction was very similar (“I am writing it right here, on my hand, and I am not going to do anything with this hand, and I won’t wash it, and I will always remember it”)

It was so funny and sweet that I smiled all the way while I was walking back to the office.

I thought again about how fortunate I am that I have a job I love and how unhappy I was each time it was not the case. And although I can believe that people may be happy and content without loving their job… I sort of don’t believe it 🙂

NATO Voting

Just one big sigh of relief. I know this is very egotistical, and I know that Finland has reasons to worry about future attacks while Ukraine is under attack right now, but still – a huge relief. One reason for my feeling this way is the concern that Boris expressed some time ago: what if when Russia attacks Estonia, Turkey would say that NATO should not defend her? I mean, as Anna said, that’s the whole idea of NATO, but any treaty is as good as all of the participants follow the terms. Yes, we live in a civilized society but

And One More

Even though I already wrote several blogs in relation to the one-year Russian invasion, there are still a couple of things I wanted to mention.

The first thing is about the dominating mood of the anti-war protests. A year ago, these protests had a distinct mood of endless grief. When I blogged about the rallies a year ago, I mentioned that it was the first time in my life that I participated in the rallies, and they were not energizing. Usually, when you protest, you feel empowered by the people who are protesting with you, and you feel like you make your voice heard. In the wake of the war, the mood was completely different: pain and sorrow dominated, and the sense of eternal loss was in the air.

It was different this year. The mood was: we know what to do, and we’ll raise our voices so that the people in charge will hear us. The was way more offense and way more energy. Which is good. Once again, I hope that we made at least some difference.

And the second thought I had was prompted by the Facebook post of my friend. On February 24, marking this grim anniversary, she blogged about “many things that didn’t happen” because the war started.

As for me, I feel differently. The start of the war was not a volcano eruption that took human lives suddenly and unexpectedly. Although the war, indeed, ended lots of innocent people’s lives, it was not a force of nature. It uncovered the confrontation between Russia and the rest of the world, which many people didn’t want to see. Many people, including myself and Boris, tried to support some positive things we could see here and there and refused to see the uncontrolled destructive power behind the facade. So I’d say – yes, there were many things that didn’t happen because the war started. But it’s in some sense good that they didn’t happen because all of the illusions are gone.

I felt something similar (although of a very different nature) about the pandemic. In some weird way, I didn’t want it not to happen. It ruined all my plans for 2020, but I learned so many things about people, their relationships, about what is important and what is not that I would not ever trade this experience for blissful ignorance.

When the war started, it became impossible to pretend that “things are not that bad.”

About Chivalery

I entered the Cook County building for early voting. When I reached the elevators to the sixth floor, I saw a middle-aged black woman and a middle-aged white man approaching the same elevators from the other side. When the elevator came down, the man moved aside to let us in first, saying, “there is still some chivalry here.”

We reached the sixth floor, and he let us out first, holding the door. When we entered the registration room, the black lady said: why won’t you go first? You hold the door for us. He replied: “There is still some chivalry here. Ladies first.”
I survived that and didn’t comment; instead, I smiled and said, “thank you.” Then we filled in our forms and gave them to the clerk. The clerk checked them one by one. She asked the black lady whether she knew how to use the machine. She didn’t ask the middle-aged white guy. And then she asked me.

And… well, that’s the end of the story.

***

Yesterday, I was browsing my Russian social media feed. I am not doing it consistently, but there are still several people about whom I care deeply. lthough they read this blog using Google translate, if they post something, it will be in Russian, ad that’s a primary reason I check this feed periodically.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, you can’t perfectly filter your feed (which might not be so bad because this way, you do not lose touch with reality). Anyway, I am going through the feed, and I see a repost from “somebody” who is anti-aggression – antu-putin-glory-to-Ukraine et al., and they publish a satire about Putin looking for his “historical roots” while visiting Africa. It is extremely difficult for me to describe this piece, but I have to, so please forgive me.

This satire goes to the effect that he feels at home with African tribe chiefs, and he strips himself naked and puts a ring in his nose, and dances with them around the bonfire, and now he has a legit right to eat human flesh, and that’s where his real place is. I was sick to my stomach by the time I finished reading, and jumped to the comments.I started to type something about “how you can insult African nations in such a way, but then I realized that the reader would take it as a joke! I looked through all the comments which were posted by that time, and there was not a single one noticing how wrong this whole thing is! All comments were like: That’s excellent, perfect, yes, that’s the right place for him! And nobody, NOBODY….