Category: reflections

2025. Part 2

Civic activities

Here, there are more negative than positive results. My biggest regret of 2025 is that I didn’t do enough during the election campaign. To be precise, I did zero canvassing and a very moderate amount of convincing people of what the right thing to do is. I knew it was wrong, but I kept telling myself that organizing Prairie Postgres is more important at that moment, and that I can’t do everything, and… I didn’t speak up enough, which I also regret. I post very little, if anything, political on LinkedIn, where I am most visible, and the list continues. I will never do it again!

I’ve done a little bit better at supporting DEI, regardless of the political climate, but I wasn’t consistent enough, so one of my goals for this year is to always keep this support on my radar.

Even with simple things like attending the rallies, I did way less than I did in previous years. Once again, my excuse was that I was twice as busy as before because of Prairie Postgres and my activities in the professional community. Still, I should always remember that if the country’s civic values are at risk, the interests of my professional community are at risk as well. I want to make an intentional effort to attend rallies when I really care about the cause. I know that society’s well-being depends on each individual’s actions, so I have no excuse. I know that each person matters. Earlier in 2025, I tried to become more involved in local initiatives, but I had to drop these activities because they looked like a very insignificant outcome for the time spent. I will try to get involved again in a couple of years, when I retire.

Cultural activities and reading

According to Goodreads, I read fewer books in 2025 than in 2024, but I believe that’s because I didn’t record books that ended up being a waste of time, and there were more of those in 2025. The majority of books were audiobooks, and that’s something I want to address. I switched to audiobooks because it is easier to listen while I am doing something else, and also because of my vision problems. Now that my vision is better, I am looking to find ways to read e-books again. Today, I realized I have a new option: I started taking the L more often, and when on the L, I can find a place to sit, but there isn’t enough space to open my computer, especially since I switched from Mac Air back to Mac Pro. This is the time when I can read e-books.

As for the other cultural activities, I attended many exhibits, concerts, operas, and different theatrical performances, but I didn’t keep track of them, and that’s something I want to do next year. I am still hungry for more cultural activities and want to see more performances than I have time to see, and oftentimes I feel disappointed because I do not like the show. Next year, I want to get more organized with all these activities, keep track of them, and what I like and what I don’t, so I can figure out how much I really want to see and what exactly.

To be continued

2025. Part 1

2025 was a difficult year, though which year isn’t? I had been through many fights and won many battles, but a significant portion of those victories were Pyrrhic, so by the end of the year, I was not sure whether I had achieved anything. Still, I wanted to write a short summary of what I consider the wins of 2025 (and what’s not), and how I am going to build on them. I plan to have it in three separate parts.

Money

It starts with money, because if you do not have enough of it, nothing else can happen. Everyone who knows me believes my money management is perfect; however, the only reason it appears that way is that I plan with large margins. Last year, I realized that although I was not overspending (not spending more than I make), my budget became rather mythical, and that I lost a clear distinction between what was “necessary” and what was “extra.” I haven’t changed anything in this classification since I first set it up 20+ years ago, and I was wondering why my wealth manager and I couldn’t find common ground. A year ago, I completely redesigned my budget (the totals didn’t change, but everything else did :)), and at the end of the year, it ended up being very close to reality. I didn’t make any major changes, only some minor adjustments, and I consider this result to be one of my best achievements of 2025.

Professional

Many years ago, when I first told Boris what I wanted to do when I retired, he told me it was not a retirement but a change of profession. Although I still have at least a couple of years until retirement, I feel like my profession has partially changed, or rather, I have added something new to it. Speaking strictly about my technical expertise, I am extremely happy that in 2025, I learned new techniques and technologies and became better at what I have already been doing very well. I have been presented with several major technical challenges, and I have resolved them in a new way, not relying solely on my previous experience. I consider it a very important achievement, because that’s what keeps me at the top of my profession, but at the same time, I know I could do more. There are several areas that I have never touched before because “it was not my thing,” but I believe that the time has come to broaden my expertise and not to be solely focused on the areas I am already good at. I have a list of techniques and tools I want to learn in 2026, and I hope it comes true.

For the first time since I started at my current job, I was able to create new open-source projects. My current job does not leave me much time to pursue professional projects outside the job itself, but this year I added one new project and almost added another. Formally speaking, I added it yesterday, but the work was done in Q4 of 2025.

Prairie Postgres

This is part of my volunteer work, but it is so massive that it warrants a separate section. Obviously, that’s the first time in my life of running a not-for-profit, and I still think I had more fails than successes. The level of responsibilities was no less than in my “normal” job, and I was not fully prepared for that. For much of the year, I felt like a complete failure because I didn’t have time to do everything this “other job” demanded of me. My accomplishment is that I was not a complete failure after all; we survived, and we are slowly growing.

The rest of the volunteering

I am not completely happy about it. Firstly, I now strongly believe I took on too many responsibilities, and I am glad I had the sense to drop the Howard-Evanston community board, not without hesitation. But I still have too much, and all my volunteer positions were because I wanted them, not because someone forced me to take them. That was the first year I had more than one professional volunteer responsibility, and they have all been very time-consuming from the start. I know that I do not fulfill my volunteer obligations at least for two organizations, and I need to figure out how to change it.

It’s still a mixed bag with the Night Ministry. I know that I am doing at least something good, and I know that at least some people are thankful, but it has been a very challenging environment during the last year. Several times I thought that I was doing so little there that it would be better to stop coming altogether, but each time, I feel that I would create a void in my heart.

I am happier with Clinic escort volunteering, because of the early morning shifts – I finally figured out how to be useful regularly!

To be continued

Feeling Armenia

Even though I stayed with locals, it’s impossible to draw any conclusions and/or form any opinion about the country after a three-day stay. Still, there are a couple of things I wanted to mention.

Armenia is a relatively poor country, still, the level of mutual trust is surprising and runs counter to my idea that you need a society of splendor to achieve it. One can say that the priest was comfortable leaving his belongings in a wide-open temple just because there was nobody around who could take advantage of the situation. But in the building where my friends live, the front door has no lock and no buzzer. Moreover, they only lock their apartment at night or when everyone is out, just like I do.

Another thing that I noticed was the way people talk to stranges. It was not our regular over-cheerful/annoying American talkativeness, but very calm and respectful willingness to support a conversation, whether it’s a smalltalk, or a meaningful discussion. No pressure to buy anything at the souvenir shop. Only the cab drivers at the airport, looking for clients, were annoying, but cab drivers are always and everywhere cab drivers. By contrast, during the actual rides, cab drivers were remarkably silent.

Calm, peace, and respect – these words defined my stay in Armenia.

***

Yesterday, I was busy finishing baking cookies, packing, and preparing them for shipping. I was very cold, but sunny, and I felt happy staying inside in my beautifully decorated home, surrounded by the smells of baked cookies. I was thinking that overall life is good, and my crazy time at work is about to be over, and how lucky and fortunate I am.

Then I saw a message onmy phone. It was from onw of our condominium board members, and he asked me to call him back.

When I dialed, he said: I have some sad news for you. Then he told me, that one of our neigbors – an absolutely lovely couple in their 40s with no kids and two beautiful dogs were in the car crash. The husband passed away and the wife was in critical condition in the hospital.

And that was it.

I still can’t process these news. Can’t conprehend them. We were not close friends, but we saw each other several times a week, and their “Hi Hettie” was one of these things which are “always here,” and make our community the way it is.

Thankful

I think it was the first time ever that I started my giving thanks with thanks to the US political system, specifically for federalism. Only because of that, plus our still independent Judicial system, that the Illinois government can still protect their citizen and resist the most outrageous thins that come from federal government. I am immensely proud of our state, our governor and our judges, and thankful to them!

I am thankful that I have a job which is, though intense and plainly hard as no other job I had before, makes it possible for me to earn enough money to do good to many people and support the causes that are important to me.

I am thankful to Boris who emotionally supported me through this tuff year more that ever; I am thankful that we still keep the flame of our love for so many years and do not see it fading:).

Thankful that all my children are the amazing individuals they are.

Thankful for my home, my neighborhood, and my city. I am as much at home here as i ever been in my life.

Nova Exhibition

The Nova world-traveling exhibition is now in Chicago, and I visited in on Tuesday.

It was the first time when I understood the timeline of the October 6 events, and saw the footage filmed by the hostages and those who managed to escape. Although the exhibit is put together exceptionally well, and leave a deep emotional impression, I left it with mixed feelings.

I didn’t post anything about this visit for several days, hoping to figure out what didn’t feel right, but still can’t pinpoint it. I hate to sound critical of the exhibit organizers, because they’ve done tremendous work, but I also can’t brush off the unease I felt afterward. Most likely, it was related to the testimonies at the end. It was actually a one testimony of a survivor, and I honestly think it was too much both for him and people listening. Or maybe not.

I might still figure it our later.

29

Being at the conference, I completely forgot to commemorate the day I came to the US for the first time twenty-nine years ago.

Flying to America for the First Time

And my actual first day:

Our First Day In The USA

What Defines Me (And What Doesn’t)

Yesterday, I chatted with My Favorite Coworker, with whom we didn’t have a chance to chat for a while. Among other things, we talked about my big goals in life, what I want to accomplish before retirement, and what my current priorities are. At the end of this conversation, he said: And you know, at some point, you will have grandchildren, and your priorities might change.

I stared at him: I do have grandchildren! I have two granddaughters, ages five and eight, how come you do not know?! And yes, I take them for bike rides, and museums, and places, and I love them dearly, but they do not define my life.

As I said that was almost the end of our conversation, and we started walking to our respective desks. I repeated again: I can’t believe, you didn’t know I am a grandma! How could that happen? And he said: perhaps, because you do not look like grandma! I replied: I am a cool grandma!

I love being a grandma, and really love my girls, and I love doing things together with them, but being a grandma is not what defines me.

And speaking about that, I appreciate immensely my fellow escorts from the Tuesday early morning shift, with whom we chatted about where we travel, and what jobs do we do, and about our families, and neither of them asked me where is my accent from. Huge thanks for that 🙂

Mindfullness

On Saturday, I participated in the program, which was called “Mindfulness in Nature at Leone Beach. The person who led this program was guiding us through the process. We stayed on the lake shore, looking forward at the lake, then looking up close. Then we closed our eyes, listened, and were instructed to think about an experience when we felt “at home” in nature.

There were several other activities, and also, what we thought about, what each of us heard and saw, and which memories came to mind.

At the very end of the program, the Mindfulness Teacher asked each of us to say one or two words that would summarize our feelings of that day. Almost everyone said something about “the end,” meaning that fall is associated with the end of life. And I said: a new beginning.

And it’s not only because fall in nature is strongly associated with mushroom picking, and later with harvesting the wild flowers’ seeds, and then sowing in new places. There is something more fundamental: fall was always a new beginning for me. Everything good started in the fall.

To start, all of my relationships started in the fall, and although not all of my dates were great, it was always the beginning of a new and exciting chapter. My children were born in the fall (well, Vlad and Anna were supposed to :)), and it was in October that I came to the US. And even though I met Boris in the spring, our relationship started at the end of September.

So, that’s for October! My luckiest month ever!

Meeting With Friends

During the past week, I had chances to catch up with three friends with whom I hadn’t met in person for several months. And, to a different degree, I can say the same thing about each of these meetings: the changes that started to happen in me and with me during the past year, and especially during the past six months, are more significant than any changes ever happened in my life.

I started to notice it in late spring: for years, there were friends with whom I could always “start from the place we left last time,” as if we didn’t speak for months and years, and it’s not the case anymore. If people follow me on social media, they at least have some ideas about how my life changed, and how my priorities changed. But otherwise, I do not know how to start a conversation.

When we met with my friend Maryann who knows me almost since the time I came to the US, she asked: so, what’s new with you? What happened since we last talked in spring? I took a deep breath and replied: tell me what’s new with you first!

I do not know where to start, how to say that yes, there is work, and there is family, all generations of it, and travels, but that’s not the most important part of my life. It’s especially difficult, because the things I am doing belong to a very narrow professional niche, and you can’t quickly explain “what is Postgres.”🤷🏻‍♀️