Category: everyday life

“Happiness Falls” – A Book review

Recently, I returned or deleted several books in my audio library that were bought impulsively or by mistake. When I started listening to them, I soon realized I didn’t want to continue. That being said when I started to listen to Happiness Falls, I thought that this book would end up in the same virtual dumpster. To my surprise, I realized that I wanted to keep reading! Moreover, I used each and every single free minute to keep listening until I finished the book. 

I was especially surprised that I ended up liking it so much because one of the main themes of the book resonates with the central theme of Everything is f*cted, the book which I didn’t like at all. The idea is that happiness is relative, and the higher the “base level,” the more difficult it is to reach a high level of happiness. Sure, the objective measuring of happiness is a separate issue, but at least subjectively, many (if not most) people agree. 

I do not like this idea because, for many years, inspired by my mom’s attitude, I was always super anxious for this very reason. When I wanted something to happen, or I was anticipating something good coming/happening soon, I tried to lower my expectations so that I wouldn’t be disappointed. This way of thinking evolved quickly into experiencing severe anxiety before these potentially good events. I imagined all sorts of things that would prevent good things from happening. Likewise, I was never fully immersed in being happy, always thinking that “there will be consequences.” 

It took years after I moved to the US (which meant being away from my mom and also observing a very different attitude to life) until I started to realize that I was harming both myself and my loved ones and that I started to learn to think and live differently. It took a while, but I made this change, possibly because, by nature, I am a happy person, and I was a happy child until I was taught to be unhappy. 

The most important thing I loved about this book is another theme: reflections about how a non-verbal person is judged in our society as mentally incapable. The author draws a parallel between being a foreigner who does not know the language of their new country and a person with motor skills deficiencies that prevent them from using spoken language. 

Language (and accent)-wise, I’ve written about it so often that I do not want to repeat it. I had it both ways: being a subject of “those who speak with an accent think with an accent” and subconsciously having the same attitude toward others. I am deeply ashamed of the latter, but I can’t deny that I had that attitude at some point in my life. 

Also, I couldn’t stop thinking about one Russian family whom I have known for many years, where the mother discovered a similar way to communicate with her son with severe cerebral palsy. I remember both her struggles and disbelief and denial from the doctors and general public, all the accusations of “faking” her son’s communications with others. I could not stop thinking about them all the time I was listening to this book. 

What I Liked About My Night Out

Same as my last weekend, I liked that I didn’t have to rush through the evening. My workdays are such that I am completely focused on what I am doing, and I often need to literally solve several problems in parallel. I love the excitement of chasing the problem and fixing it, and I also like these intense sessions of design when you go through several solutions, try one, go through code building, find design flaws, discard and start over. However, this leaves you completely drained even if you do not work long hours.

I like to fit a lot in my day, but it also takes an ingenuity to take a day (or night) as it goes, having an agenda, but not necessarily a timeline.

The last weekend was good, and the week that followed was also good, but now I am facing a challenge of making it through the rest of the year without a crisis.

Halloween For Myself

That was one of the few days for a very long time when I didn’t have any obligations after work: no volunteering, no visits to my mom, and nothing urgent to write about. And I had plans just for myself. The plan was:

  • Finally, visit the newly reopened Pret on Monroe

I should mention that Halloween was the coldest day of this fall so far. It was freeing and it was snowing for the good part of the day:

From the office window

However, by the end of the workday, the snow stopped and the sun came out:

  • After Pret, I walked towards the Starbucks Reserve Roastery on North Michigan Avenue. I rarely walk in this direction these days, and I enjoyed every minute of that walk.
Continue reading “Halloween For Myself” →

No Title…

My friend from Saint Petersburg told me this horror story. She was talking to her friend in Germany on her landline (there is some huge discount on landline calls from Germany, as she explained). Since it was almost free for her friend, they talked for a long time – over forty minutes. While they were still talking, she heard the buzzer from downstairs: Open, police!

Frightened, she buzzed them in, and two policemen in full gear entered her apartment. They asked her whom she was talking to, and whether she was sure it was her friend, not a scummer, and what city she was calling from. They said that they “wanted to protect her” from possible scum(?!). All looked like they came to arrest my friend, and it took her a while to talk them into leaving her alone.

Later, she started to question her other friends, and it turned out that others had similar situations (all conversations were on landlines and calls coming from Germany).

I don’t know what else to add…

The Earliest Christmas Present Ever:)

Jarvis Family Full Moon Fest

We had a family activities day at Jarvis Square on Saturday. It was the first time we had such a family-style celebration (the adult part followed after 8 PM). There was free face painting, and free s’mores, and trick-or-treating, and drumming, and Taro fortune telling. Most importantly, there were kids in costumes who had enormous fun! I walked there with my mom, and we walked around and made our s’mores over the fire, and then I got the butternut latte in the Charmer’s Cafe for myself and caramel cider for mom, and we sat there and watched the kids running around with the buckets, sitting for the face painting and drumming.

Mom was saying that it’s too bad we can’t take pictures, and then she added that it’s impossible to tell others how good it was because no words and no pictures can reflect the feeling and the atmosphere. That was one of the rare moments when she felt the way I hoped she would feel after moving here.

We saw Channel 5, and one kid yelled: Mom, we are on the news! The reported was interviewing one of the organizers, and I heard that she said that “it feels very safe,” which I couldn’t agree more.

The Great Lake

While I was going through the pictures I took yesterday, I thought again about how much positive energy my Fort Sheridan trip gave me. I feel that I can make it through this week :). And the best thing at Fort Sheridan is undoubtedly the Lake. Seeing the Lake in a forest preserve is very different from seeing it chained in steel and granite. When I approach Lake Michigan from the forest or the prairie, I feel its wild greatness even more. I do not have the proper words to describe it:)

I ended up returning to the train station in between trains, and I didn’t feel like waiting for an hour and forty minutes, so I called Uber. When we were almost at my place (turning into Sheridan from Birchwood) the driver saw what was on the horizon and said: oh, you live so close to the sea! I replied: thank you! Thank you for calling it a sea!

Fall Colors At Fort Sheridan

I went to Fort Sheridan for the second time, and this time, I liked there even more. Yes, it’s not as close to me as Deer Grove was when I lived in Palatine, but when I am there, I feel so good! I am inhaling the feeling of being there, being united with Nature. Yes, I am a city girl, but I miss the forest and the prairie, and as it turned out that time, I miss the prairie the most!

Last time, it was my first exploration, and this time, I ventured into more different paths, and made a bigger loop, and walked and walked! I decided that I was not trying to “make” the next train, and I would stay there as much as I wanted, and if anything, there is always Uber.

Fort Sheridan has some similarities with Deer Grove – the prairie in the middle and the surrounding forest, but the presence of the Lake makes a gigantic difference! Also, I noticed that even though nature restoration is in the initial stage, there are way fewer invasives (I think it’s because there was never a farm! )

And now, I am done with talking and switching to the pictures showing!

Continue reading “Fall Colors At Fort Sheridan” →

Speaking Up

I mentioned another mentoring volunteering organization I joined in September. I thought it would be more organized than OMD, but it turned out the other way. 🙂 I believe the core of the problem was the same – all of a sudden, the program expanded dramatically, and it became more difficult to keep up with mentor/mentee matching and overall organization. I was not matched for a long time, then I was matched with the wrong scholar (a person who wanted to be in a different program), and then, I was matched last moment with somebody who was absolutely not into STEM (I am not sure why she signed up on the first place). I think she will end up dropping.

However, while I am/was still on the roll, I joined a workshop with Dr. Valerie Lewis, and I am so impressed with her! She’s everything: incredibly smart, and her research is her primary focus; however, she does not live in an ivory tower. She navigated the complicated path of being a woman of color in STEM, not ignoring the obstacles. Another workshop participant said: “I am just doing my work and ignoring everything else.” That’s not Dr. Lewis’s position. She faces challenges, discrimination, and assumptions. She is tired of them, but she has the courage and boldness to address them openly. At the same time, she is not making this fight the first and primary goal of her life, nor does she become bitter. She still has a shiny positive personality. Let me say it again. She does not ignore problems; she stands up for herself, but she does not allow the problems to own her life. I wish I could be friends with her!

On another, however, related topic. At work, we just had a mandatory workplace harassment prevention training. It was a new course, and it was very well done – I learned something new about the techniques of identifying harassement and microagressions. One of my coworkers has being relating to me for a while that they were treated poorly by their manager. To be precise, they didn’t complain to me, but since we are in the office, I overheard multiple conversations, and after there most severe ones, I could not help but asking them privately how they felt. I’ve encouraged my co-worker to complaint about the situation, and not look for excuses for their manager (the manager had an ongoing difficult family situation). After that training, my coworker finally decided to act. Firstm they complained to the manager’s manager that there were no regular one-on-ones, and then, when one-on-one was scheduled, my coworker related to their manager how they felt about certain situations. I saw the change in their manager’s behavior immediately, so I knew that the conversation happened (which was later confirmed). Obviously, only time will tell whether the change is permanent, but I was incredibly proud of my coworker for finding enough courage to speak and relate all their grievances. I know that it was pushing the envelope, and that it was difficult! They thought that nothing will change, but things changed right away (for good or temporarily – we’ll have to see!

CSO Concert

Tuesday’s concert was indeed one of a kind! The program included

  • One composer unknown to me
  • A soloist unknown to me
  • Three pieces unknown to me

… and all of them were so good!

Each of the pieces was a gem, but Gershwin’s Piano Concerto stood out. I wish I would have the right words to describe it! The program said that Gershwin wanted to combine classical musical forms with jazz and blues, and that’s exactly what it was. The music was all around us and filling each corner of the space. I was bathing in the sounds of music, and each next phrase felt absolutely unexpected and at the same time perfectly in the right place.

OK, I just do not have enough words to describe it! The soloist told the audience how he was coming to CSO as a kid, and how happy he is now to perform on that stage. And again, I do not know how to describe how amazing he was!

My pe-concert Amorino 🙂