Category: everyday life

Did Summer Forget To Go, Or Did Fall Forget To Come?

Still early morning biking, only know the sunrise catches up with me only when I am turning back from the most distant point:

And a brown sugar peach popsicle at the Sunday Market!

And if the stars align properly, I might have one more swimming day this week!

The Pawnbroker

In between the two operas, I watched The Pawnbroker, a 1964 film directed by Sidney Lumet. I learned about this movie from one of the kino-websites advertisements related to Lumet’s 100 anniversary. Then it was my usual movie story: I need to find time; the movie is so captivating that I can’t watch it as a background to anything, etc. Actually, after the first ten minutes of watching, I realized that I won’t be able to hit the stop button….

How many Holocaust movies did I watch? Many! How many books? How many photos? A lot, but still, this movie was unbearable to watch even though it shows very little of actual Nazi atrocities. We do not even know the whole story of Sol Nazerman. We only see flashbacks of past events triggered by something happening in the present. Still, it’s striking evidence of unmendable damage done to a human. When I was watching the movie, I physically felt Mr. Naserman’s suffering. I just do not have the right words to describe how I felt. A naked truth. Immense sorrow.

Mom’s Updates

It has been a week since I posted the last update about my mom. In short, things are fine, although there are still many unknowns.

A PT is coming once a week (the original order was twice a week, but Medicaid only covers one). Mom is doing the exercises twice a day and is making good progress. She is still not allowed to go outside on her own, but a PT said that he hopes to get her to the level when she will be able to walk without a walker and without a cane, but it will take weeks. I hired a person to walk with her for an hour once a day, and she was fine with it for the first two days. On Sunday, she made a scene accusing me of “making decisions for her without consulting her,” and we had a pretty ugly conversation. She refused to recall that I asked her first and that she agreed

A Russian-speaking nurse will be coming once a week.We had a first visit with her on Monday, and she ordered a new blood pressure monitor and a wearable so that mom could push a button if she falls.

Also, the nurse said that she would put a request for home help, and that’s where my mom exploded again. We had another ugly conversation, and finally, I figured out what it was about. For some reason, my mom got into her head this idea that “I want to send her to a senior home” (she even thought about it when I was trying to sign her up for subsidized housing). So now it’s a new development: she got an idea that when I offer to hire help or when I want to request a social worker for her, I am doing it to collect the evidence that she can’t live on her own and should be placed into a senior home, so pretty much the opposite of what we are trying to do.

The more I think about it, the more it feels like that cynical approach to life that I talked about in one of my recent posts. She has a deep belief that “everyone is evil,” and everyone thinks only about their own well-being, not their neighbor. It’s extremely unsettling (I do not know how she can say that “she respects me” and “I am the best daughter ever.”

I still have no idea how to provide coverage for the time I will be away, not even in terms of finding additional help but in terms of convincing her to accept that help. I think that at some point I will have to let it go as PT doctors at the hospital told me.

Rigoletto

On Tuesday, my neighbor and I went to our second opera of that season: Verdi’s Rigoletto. In contrast to Fidelio, it was a very traditional production, and it was astonishing.

I saw Rigoletto multiple times back in Russia, but like with many operas that I thought I knew, it turned out that we had a severely reduced version of it. My first eye-opener was Carmen, and Boris told me that he had a similar revelation with Faust, and now Rigoletto.

Beautiful. More tragic than I ever thought.

Summer Never Ends!

Twice, I washed my swimsuit and beach towel “for a season,” and twice, I stashed them away “until next summer.” And on Monday, I took them out for the third time :).

I was in the office for half the day and then rushed to my mom’s house to meet with the nurse. After the nurse’s visit, I had a long and not very productive conversation with my mom, and it was still relatively early when I left there house.

While I was walking back along the beach, I realized that it was still warm, and even with the shorter days, it was still enough time! I rushed home, pulled my neatly folded beach towel from the top shelf along with my just-washed swimsuit, pulled a pair of shorts from the bottom of the summer clothes box, and quickly walked back to the beach!

It was warm! And the water was warm! There were some people sitting on the sand, but nobody in the water. I don’t know why – the water was warm, and there were no lifeguards, and oh my, how perfect it was to be there at that very moment!

Thank you, Lake Michigan!

The Harm Of Cynicism

I didn’t want to add anything to the previous post because I felt it was important on its own. But there is one more thing I wanted to add. I think that cynucisn, he belief that people in general are greedy, dishonest, and untrustworthy, was (and still is) deeply engraved in Russian society, and in the heart and soul of every Russian. That’s where this belief of “stupid Americans” is coming from. And that’s why people are so unhappy, and do not believe that something good is possible. And don’t make any strides for change.

And that’s why I was the only smiling mother on the pictures which Igor’s classmates drew in his preschool for the Women’t Day.

And that’s why I felt immediately at home when I came to the US, despite of all financial hardships.

And that’s why I am so furious about PostgresPro. .

Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism

You 2.0: Fighting Despair

This Hidden Brain episode is called “Fighting Despair,” but I became really focused when it came to the second part: the cynicism and the skepticism as an alternative. Before I heard this episode, I never thought about a formal definition of these concepts. Here is how the psychologist Jamil Zaki defines them:

Continue reading “Hidden Brain: Cynicism and Scepticism” →

Fidelio

I never heard anything except for the overture to “Fidelio.” I do not think it was ever on stage in the Soviet Union (likely because the theme of the opera is the imprisonment of a political rival), and it was rarely performed in the US as well.

My friend and I were wondering how far the opera “modernization” would go; we both had a couple of traumatic experiences of that kind recently. However, the production was amazing! Everything fit really well in the context of the modern prison, and an amazing woman whose courage saves the world prompted somebody behind us to start chanting Ka-ma-la! 😀

And the voices were extraordinary!

Igor’s Birthday

Today was Igor’s birthday, and obviously because of the situation with my mom, our minds were not 100% on the celebration. I am glad that mom was well enough to go to the Chayhana cafe. I can’t judge their Middle asian food, but Russian dishes exceeded expectations (desserts could be better though).

it was not an easy year for Igor, and I am glad that he feels good about where he is now. Proud of his accomplishments and of his personal growth 🙂

Books

I didn’t have time even to mark books as read on Goodreads, and it was only when I waited for my last delayed flight that I finally caught up with my reading. Not all of the books I read or listened to are listed below.

May Contain Lies. I mentioned this book in connection with the podcast I listened to some time ago. The book has even more examples of (mis)interpreting the results of surveys, researches, and such. Really useful, especially for people who have very strong in their opinions, like me 🙂

Moral Decision Making. A series of lectures from the Great Courses. It was the first time I listened to anything from the Great Courses, and I liked it! The series consisted of twenty-four half-hour lectures, and here are some excerpts from the course description:

Whether or not we’re aware of them, we make important ethical decisions all the time – as professionals, consumers, citizens, parents, sons and daughters, and friends. These 24 thought-provoking lectures offer you the chance to reflect on some of the most powerful moral issues we face in our daily lives: Is it ever OK to lie? What are our moral obligations to others? What is the key to living the good life? <…>. Engaging stories and thought experiments bring these issues to life, showing what different philosophical theories have to say about real-world ethical dilemmas.

According to Professor Martin, the trick is to understand that the mind is like a parachute; it only works when it’s open. Rather than take a side in any particular debate, this course provides a framework for thinking through a host of debates and dilemmas from all sides. Through it all, Professor Martin is a sympathetic guide, helping you think through some of our most complex decisions.

The last sentence describes what I liked most about this course: I believe that morals and ethics are very logical, and that “at large” doing good is profitable for an individual, and Professor martin talks a lot about it. Of course, according to these course, the best thing that happened in my life was completely unethical (but I know that! and I can’t talk myself into admitting my wrong). Still, this is one of very few pieces in my digital library which I might go back to listen to again.

The Year of Less

When I started listening to this book, I though: I know that all, what can a younger person tell me about savings, nit buying things – I’ve done it, and I’ve done it successfully. BTW, I do not remember why I chose this title – was it on a weekly recommendation list from Audible, or in TIME magazine, or in the “daily deals.” To my surprise, after I finished listening, I realized that I forgot about some techniques, and about small ways not to overspend, and thought that I might resme some of these practice.

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes – I am a fan of the Hunger Games, and I do not care if somebody is going to criticize me for that. I really loved this “book zero,” and I am looking forward for the next title in this series.