Author: Hettie D.

My name is Henrietta (Hettie) Dombrovskaya. I was born in Saint-Petersburg, Russian (actually, back then – Leningrad, USSR) in 1963, and immigrated to the United States in 1996. I love Saint Petersburg, the city I was born and raised in, and I think it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world. Similarly (but differently) I love Chicago, and can’t imagine myself moving somewhere else in the observable future. I have three children, Igor, Vlad and Anna, all adults living on their own, and one (so far) granddaughter Nadia. I also believe that my children are the best thing that happened in my life. As for my professional life, I am working in the field of Information Technologies. When I was twenty, I’ve declared that the databases are the coolest thing invented and that I want to do them for the rest of my life. Thirty plus years later, I still believe it’s true, and still, believe that the databases are the best. These two statements together imply that I think a person can have it all, and indeed, I think so! Keep reading my journals to find out how I did it.

Petition: One Month Later

Alicja’s Petition: One Month Later

The Longest Beach Season Ever!

And the water was not cold! It was definitely colder than ten days ago, but way warmer than at the beginning of June when you need to talk yourself into jumping in :). I walked into the water, and thanked the Lake, and looked around at the horizon line, the seagulls, a boat far away, and the reflection of the sun on the lake surface. I think that was actually the last beach day of 2024 :).

The Night Ministry

On Thursday, I attended the Night Ministry Annual fundraiser. With almost everybody I knew gone, I was unsure whether I would see any familiar faces. However, I wanted to make another attempt to resume volunteering, which has been challenging to schedule for the past several months. Surprisingly, I met many people, and even those who barely knew me recognized me.

I ended up having three long and in-depth conversations about my future at the Night Ministry. Everyone mentioned that I am/has been a person who could bring young people together, and “I was the best” and it would be a shame if the Night Ministry won’t have anything for me to do. One of the opportunities was a Crib, which is a completely different volunteering pattern but might actually work for me. I guess we’ll have to see in November.

Overall, I feel hopeful. For the past several months, there have been many times when I thought that I just needed to give up that part of my life, but then I felt a huge void and could not be a whole person without the Night Ministry, so I kept trying.

I am a Morning Person!

Mom’s Updates

Yesterday, the physical therapist who comes weekly to work with my mom graduated her to walking outside independently. He said that she made significant progress, which is great and remarkable. I know that my mom worked hard and performed all of the exercises twice a day.

I thought that on this note, she would send everyone away and would prefer to walk on her own all the time, but thankfully, she was cautious enough to say she would still need somebody for longer walks next week. I am still unsure how I will feel leaving Chicago for two weeks, but we have another week to evaluate the situation.

Archeopteryx In The Field Museum

The archaeopteryx acquired by the Field Museum in 2022 is only the 13th ever found – I didn’t know they were so rare! And there were tons of other things about archeopteryx that I didn’t know; I learned them yesterday during the discussion in the Field Museum. It was the opening night for Chicago archeopteryx – it took two years for scientists to prepare this fossil for the exhibition. Two lead scientists answered the audience’s questions. They were visibly excited about the new research prospects and said a book was in the works.

Other things I learned:

All archeopteryxes found so far didn’t reach their maturity and were still going, so we do not know the size of an adult.
It’s close to impossible to tell the gender of the species.
We do not know what they ate, but most likely insects (judging by the teeth enamel)
All birds lost their teeth in the process of evolution, and scientists are unsure why. All birds swallow small stones to grind the food in their stomachs (anyone who ever butchered a chicken would agree :))
The feathered were not for flying originally, but rather for temperature preservation, and the ability to fly was an extra bonus 🙂

Work-In-Progress

I have too many projects at work that are “in progress,” and it’s extremely tiring. Despite the multiple thanks I receive every workday, I feel like I am not doing my best, not making enough progress, and overall doing too much of the “women’s work.” I do not mind doing it occasionally, but for a while now, it’s like “nothing but.” In addition, there are two community issues that really bother me, and I do not see any positive resolution in the near future. Strangely enough, I feel simultaneously too much invested in each of them and not doing enough for each of them.

Also, today, I took my mom for her third CT scan. The neurologist suggested doing it in the same hospital where he will see her for a follow-up, and he even mentioned it could be done on the same day. In reality, I was unable to schedule both appointments on the same day, so we had a CT scan today, and the doctor is scheduled for Friday. The hospital is located very inconveniently from where we live, and today I had to take Uber during the rush hour, and it was a living hell. The drive took an hour. Then we waited there for more than an hour. Then the drive back was extremely bumpy, and I was late for the time when I needed to do some production work. I chose today because I hoped to be home by 6-30PM, but I was there more than an hour later and tired and hungry.

Ultimately, I finished all my work, and both migrations went almost smoothly :), and I am not even staying late. I am just very tired.

Remember These Chocolates?

The ones I bought in Amsterdam, carefully chosen from an insane variety?

As with any properly made chocolate, it had to be consumed within 10-12 day, the mission which I successfully accomplished. However, i regretted not taking the pictures inside the store – although I remembered which flavors I chose, I couldn’t always tell which one I was about to consume. I enjoyed them anyway, but I had a moment when, after the box was emptied, I found a tiny black square on the bottom, which unfolded into a complete chocolate inventory!

About Mom, Life, And Other Random Thoughts

Mom wants her freedom, and it’s scary. I understand how she feels, and most likely, if I were in her place, I would feel the same way. I also understand that she can’t really process any new concepts, and I remember what the doctors in the hospital told me: at the end of the day, you do what you can do. I talked to one more potential caregiver last week, and I was trying to talk to my mom about bringing in one more person when I was away, but she was turning the conversation into her usual spiral, no matter where it would start and no matter how hard I tried.

Today, I took her to the matinee concert at the CSO, and she was upset, I am not sure with what, and then she didn’t like anything at the concert, starting with the first piece that was performed and ending with Christoph Eschenbach not wearing a bowtie. I am trying to distance myself from such situations, but at the same time, I always start to worry whether I am moving in the same direction.

I know that I have already started to forget words, and for the past two years, I have been trying to record all occurrences of forgotten words. I believe it was once in two months two years ago, then – once a month, and now almost weekly. The funny thing is that most of my forgotten words are food-related:). The rest are names of people (not the people I knew in the past, but celebrities) and names of places. Boris has nothing of it, and he remembers the names of my former co-workers better than I.

***

Another topic my mom brings up frequently is a statement that she feels sorry for me because although I am an accomplished professional, I didn’t have “magical moments” in my life. I know exactly what she means because she often speaks with pride about some super weird relationships she had, when a guy from her work invited her to a theater or a concert once a month, and sometimes, they went to one of the imperial parks around Saint-Petersburg (actually, Leningrad at that time). She keeps saying that “these days, nobody can even imagine such relationships when there was nothing except for talking.” According to her, the best and most magical part of this relationship was that there was no kissing, no intimacy. They would go out once a month, and he would record tapes for her, and that was it. I can’t imagine why not having something like this in my life makes me “unhappy.” I honestly and truly believe that my life is as close to a fairy tale as possible, and the number of magical events that happened to me is way above the average :). Boris threw a dozen hypotheses, trying to explain what was behind this statement and what kind of reasoning could lead to this conclusion.

I might make a separate post about these hypotheses because I believe there could be some historical reasons for that.