Author: Hettie D.

My name is Henrietta (Hettie) Dombrovskaya. I was born in Saint-Petersburg, Russian (actually, back then – Leningrad, USSR) in 1963, and immigrated to the United States in 1996. I love Saint Petersburg, the city I was born and raised in, and I think it’s one of the most beautiful places in the world. Similarly (but differently) I love Chicago, and can’t imagine myself moving somewhere else in the observable future. I have three children, Igor, Vlad and Anna, all adults living on their own, and one (so far) granddaughter Nadia. I also believe that my children are the best thing that happened in my life. As for my professional life, I am working in the field of Information Technologies. When I was twenty, I’ve declared that the databases are the coolest thing invented and that I want to do them for the rest of my life. Thirty plus years later, I still believe it’s true, and still, believe that the databases are the best. These two statements together imply that I think a person can have it all, and indeed, I think so! Keep reading my journals to find out how I did it.

ODS – Starting A New One More Time

When I met with my friend N. on Sunday, we talked about ODS, and I shared that I am unsure about how to continue, when everybody is new and we do not have a volunteer coordinator. I told her that I was going to go there on March 5 for the first time after a long break and that I hoped that something positive would come out of it. I scheduled my volunteering for that day although Boris as going to be in town, but he said he completely understood it, and as long as something positive can come out of it, it will be all good.

It ended up being a really great and meaningful event. I came in, and approached a group of residents asking who would’ve like to make pizza with me, and two young women immediately volunteered (I later learned that they were close friends and roommates). We immediately clicked and started chatting, and later, one young man joined us, and then one of the staff, and when I already turned the oven off, yet another young man. I stayed there until past 8 PM (and I had to take Uber home). These first two young women told me they are going to start a community college to become nurses, and how they are going to do it together and support each other. One of the residents asked me why did I come to the US, and since it was the next day after the Elpha post went up, I just showed it to her. This opened yet another conversation. It is not always easy to let the residents know that I feel for them, because there were times when I had very little money, and that for the longest time, I didn’t have a home of my own.

It all went so well, that I examined my upcoming schedule one more time and found one more day when I would be able to come. Next day, we messaged back and forth with the new volunteer coordinator, and agreed that we could try other days od the week, and we could even try to go to the Art Institute in April. Fingers crossed 🙂

Elpha.com

Post on Elpha – first tin=me posting something personal to my professional network

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Boris arrived Sunday evening. I was thinking about how, during my February trip, we didn’t spend enough time talking and being together overall because I couldn’t detach myself from work, relax, or just be happy. Even the time which was technically a vacation time, didn’t work like this. I decided that this time would be different. I think that although work is still insane, I managed to put my life back on track during the last several days. Escorting after a long time not doing it and then spending a lot of time together with N. felt like finally doing the right thing. Our plan for Monday was for Boris to come to the Lopp and attend another screening of the CEUFF, but the weather was summer-like again, and I knew it was not for long, so I decided to change the plan. I left work earlier, came home, and we went for a long walk, and then sat and talked for several hours straight. And that was the best thing I did for a very long time!

One friend of mine will tell that she always knows who took a picture judging by how I look 🙂

Friendship

When we met with my friend N. on Sunday, she asked me whether I could promise her to wear the gift she was going to give me all the time. I said yes, and this bracelet is on my wrist now – all the time!

Summer Days

At the beginning of March, we had several summer-like days, and although the weather had already returned to normal, these couple of days were amazing! I biked before dawn and in the afternoon, and I swear I saw people at the beach!!!

It might not be very visible, but he is playing the guitar sitting on a tree.
Just before sunrise!

Titanic Exhibit

Last Sunday was a very special day for me – I had a reunion with my very special friend, with whom we hadn’t met in person since the start of the pandemic.

It was never easy for N. and I to meet even before that due to our insane work schedules and living far away from each other, but before the pandemic, we tried our best to meet once a month. Then, we had to isolate, and then life just took over.

I am infinitely happy and infinitely grateful to my friend for keeping our friendship alive through almost four years, and even more grateful that we had a chance to spend several hours together.

For our reunion, N. suggested we go to see the Titanic exhibit in Skokie, and I was happy to do that. The exhibit was totally worth it, presenting a wide range of historical facts, lots of artifacts, photographs presenting how life on Titanic looked like, and even a recreation of some ship’s cabins. I didn’t take that many photos, because I was absorbed in the experience, but I still ended up with a lot of them!

Continue reading “Titanic Exhibit” →

Escorting

I haven’t done escorting since early November because I can’t stand still during the cold months, and on Saturday, I finally returned. OMG, I completely forgot how it feels! It’s awful!!! They yell loudly, screaming “mam, don’t kill your baby!” at each patient. They walk around breaking the bubble zone. They yell “go back to Ohio!’ when they see the license plate…

Also, we were told that Mayor Johnson didn’t approve the quiet zone ordinance, so we still do not have any legal protections…

On the way back

Chicago European Film Festival

This year’s festival is 1) hosted by Belgium 2) runs for a very short time 3) each movie is screened only once 4) I am in town for it, which usually I am in Europe at this time of the year!

I went to the opening night on Friday. I do not regret that I went, because the movie (Omen) was extraordinary, but I think it was a little bit too much on many levels. First, it is a very loaded movie, and very difficult to watch, and the trailer I embedded below does not include the darkest parts of it. Second, everything was way longer than I planned. The start of the screening was supposed to be at 7 PM but in reality, 7 PM was the time of the festival opening and the Belgium General Counsul speech. Also, the film director was present, and he talked a little bit before the movie, telling us what he wanted us to pay attention to. After the movie, there was a Q&A session, which was great, except for I didn’t plan to be there for so long, and after a very intensive week, I was almost collapsing on my way home.

I am still processing this movie. I think it represents the unresolvable conflict between those who left and those who stayed behind. And even though the film director urged us to see this story from four different perspectives (that’s how the movie is built, consisting of four separate parts), I do not see any way of all the characters coming together…

The Start of Women History Month

From February to March: on Wednesday, which was still February :), I went to the event which celebrated women who advocate for Equity, Diversity and Inclusion, hosted by Wintrust. I had never been inside this building, one of those that make the Chicago Financial District and embody the Gloden Era of our city, when the buildings were designed to ensure the customers that their savings are secure :). I love LaSalle Street, it’s silhouette, and each of it’s buildings!

Wintrust’s Grand Banking Hall in it’s glory
Women of Wintrust bracelet
The panelists’ bios
The panel

There was wine, cocktails, and bites, and some desserts at the end, and there was a lot of people! Mostly women, and many, like me, didn’t know a single person in the room, but everybody was happy to start a conversation.

The panelists were great, although I am starting to resent the idea that “women have to put their careers on pause to have children.” However, there was one thing which struck me most, because it echoed a conversation we had during the other panel two days earlier. Incredibly smart and gorgeous Tope Sadiku, who is of Nigerian origin but lived most of her life in the UK, mentioned how she rejected the offers to participate in any Black issues discussions, panels and committees, because she didn’t know the UK Black issues, and could not meaningfully contribute. The keyphrase was “I didn’t know I was Black until a came to the US.” At that moment, I recalled the question from one of the participants of our Black History Month panel at work. He asked our speaker whether, in his opinion, Black people or women are in more of a disadvantage at the workplace. I think that even if a workplace prejudgement might be close to equal, to hostility is proportionally on the side of race.

Being Black

The Back History Month is officially over, but my mind is occupied by conversations I had recently.

For our Black History Month event in the firm, we had a panel with Nwabueze Phil-Ebosie, the Director of Engineering at ComEd. He came to the US from Nigeria when he was seventeen, and after obtaining a degree in Engineering from Perdue, he worked at ComEd for his entire career. He talked about his experience of coming to the US from a place “where everybody looked like him,” to a very different environment. The moderator’s questions were mostly about the challenges our guest experienced during his career at ComEd, and about what needs to be done to attract more Black talent to Engineering, and how to create the environment that foster innovation. Then there was time for questions from the audience, and many of them were more pointed.

As it often happens, I was an icebreaker, asking him how he keeps himself opened to new ideas working at the same organization for eighteen years (later I got the mike twice, asking about the fear of failure which accompanies any innovation and about starting to engage into STEM earlier, in the middle school the latest). Then other people started to come with their questions, and very soon the most important question came up: How you deal with hostility? Phil-Ebosie said that in the beginning of his career he it often about choosing his battles, and often times choosing focusing on work and ignoring hostility, but now he would not tolerate hostility and would calls things out. One of our coworkers asked whether wouldn’t it be that if he won’t be silent in his earlier days, he won’t rise to the position where he is now, and won’t have the power to call the hostilities out. He replied that he just thinks that now is the time, but I think that the person who asked was not convinced.

I was not convinced either, especially having several conversations with before that night, and after the meeting was over, we all moved to the cafeteria and the conversation continued. I do not want to share personal information which people related to me, but many stories shocked me, even though I consider myself to be “informed on that subject.” The scariest part is that many things you would have thought are the things of the past, are happening right now. It makes me angry when I hear that Black people state that they understand that the passerbyes think about them as a thread, as “big Black man,” and ll these things. Again, i do not want to dig into personal stories, but OMG! Even at school, even among neighbors… I am aware that there is very little I personally can do, but I can’t sit still and do nothing. At least in my little corner of the world, I want to make a difference. I am not the right person for that, as people mentioned that there should be conversations, and can’t be rushed, and we should find common grounds, and yes, it takes time…